Advice for My Daughter

Tag: self

  • You are Enough

    You are Enough

    In a world where you can be anything you want, I hope that you realize that whatever you choose to become or whatever the world allows you to become…you are enough.

    Society has created benchmarks where we can check in to see how are we are measuring up.

    Do you have the right job title? The right jeans size? The right zip code? The right logo on our makeup?

    Guess what? You do.

    Because you are enough exactly as you are.

    Scratch that.

    You are amazing.

    You are amazing when you chat with your friend until she no longer feels lonely.

    You are amazing when your co-worker makes a mistake and you tell them that you’ve done the same thing…more than once.

    You are amazing when you cook a three course meal, grilled cheese sandwiches, or order out because you are just so tired.

    You are amazing in your stretchy pants that are two sizes bigger than they were last year.

    You are amazing when you sing loudly and imperfectly to Bohemian Rhapsody.

    You are amazing when you make someone laugh, when they feel like they will never stop crying.

    You are amazing when you drink green juice for breakfast, eat Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch, or live on coffee…just coffee.

    You are amazing when you break the rules…because life is more fun that way.

    You are amazing when you listen, really listen.

    You are amazing when you do nerdy things, creative things, or athletic things.

    You are amazing because of who you are.

    No labels. No measuring sticks. No keeping up with the Kardashians.

    Just you. Amazing, wonderful, you.

    You. Are. Enough.

    Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

  • Your Body is the Paintbrush, Not the Painting

    Your Body is the Paintbrush, Not the Painting

    I first heard this on Momastery and it really stuck with me.

    It’s easy to go through life focusing on all of the things that are “wrong” with your body and women’s magazines will certainly stand by your side and make you feel bad about yourself:

    Your legs are too short.

    Your butt is too big.

    Your boobs are too small.

    Your hair is too straight.

    Your feet are ugly.

    Your teeth are crooked.

    Your eyebrows are too light.

    Your arms are flabby.

    Your nails are chipped.

    And on. And on. And on.

    But what if we change the way we look at our bodies? What if we look at our bodies as the paintbrush that creates the masterpiece, rather than the painting itself?

    Think about all of the things you can accomplish with your imperfect body:

    You can dance.

    You can feed your child.

    You can bring a smile to a lonely stranger.

    You can build and write and run and paint and climb to the top of a mountain.

    You can smell lilacs and your grandmother’s perfume.

    You can hug a child and save a rescue dog.

    You can kiss scrapes and make them better.

    Your body can create joy in a million different ways and it doesn’t matter if your arms, butt, boobs, abs, teeth, hair, eyebrows or feet are “imperfect.”

    You are perfectly designed to create.

    YOU are a paintbrush. Create your masterpiece.

     

    Image by Mike Fox

  • Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Last night, I was putting my daughter to bed and she was tucked in tightly deep inside a nest of stuffed animals.

    She looked blissful, so I asked her a simple question, “Why do you think kids sleep with lots of cozy stuffed animals, but adults don’t.”

    And her answer was deep. “Because they don’t pay attention to what they can actually do.”

    Adults don’t pay attention to what we can actually do. It’s true.

    When we are children, we have no clue what the rules are to this game called life. We don’t know that the world may look upon your talent as an artist may be looked upon differently than your talent at math. We don’t know that surgeons make more money than the cashier at Target. We don’t know that stuffed animals are considered to be just for children.

    Kids don’t know any of that. The rules haven’t been written yet.

    What an enchanting way to live.

    So back to those rules that adults follow.

    You don’t have to. Most of those rules come from the land of make believe.

    We need to learn to distinguish between “rules” and “norms.”

    Get married
    Buy a house in the suburbs
    Have 1.5 kids
    Drive to a corporate office building morning and night like a zombie
    Spend your paycheck maintaining your house so it can look like everyone else’s
    Get a raise. Get a nicer car.

    These aren’t rules. These are norms. You don’t have to follow any of them.

    Take time to listen.

    Take time to listen to that voice in your head that started as a whisper years ago and has slowly increased in volume. Just so you know, it’ll never get quieter. You can ignore it, sure, but it’s not going to stop.

    It may tell you to sell all of your possessions and start a new life in a country where you don’t even know the language.

    It may tell you to foster some kids even though you aren’t quite sure you are ready to jump in.

    It may tell you to break out of that corporate box or start using your paycheck for paint and canvas instead of throw pillows and knick knacks.

    Just listen to it.

    You are this weird, unique, amazing combination of talents and experiences that are all smooshed together in a way that has never happened before and will never happen again.

    One and done.

    Do you truly believe that you were meant to walk the same path and follow the same rules as other people?

    Of course you weren’t.

    I’m not saying that you need to fill your bed with giant stuffed unicorns and pillows that smell like cotton candy, but you can. Oh yes, my friend, you absolutely can!

    You can do a lot of things, if you take a minute to pay attention to what those things are. You did it all the time when you were a kid. You weren’t even aware that it was unusual.

    Pay attention.
    Be aware.
    And then do it.

     

    Image by ALP STUDIO

  • Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    The other day you said those eleven magical words that can absolutely make a mother melt:

    “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

    What more could a mother wish for than for her daughter to look up to her in such a way, that she dreams of one day being just like her?

    I believe there is an even better wish. I hope that when you grow up, you are just like YOU.

    Each of us was created with a unique combination of characteristics, gifts and passions. The mold is made….and broken. The recipe for “you” isn’t one that can be repeated.

    You have strengths that I don’t have and passions that are different than mine. And I’ve never, ever met anyone who is just like you.

    So be that.

    Be it 100%. Be you with all of your flaws and all of your uniqueness.

    Be you when it helps you fit in.

    Be you when it makes you stand out.

    Be you when the world is telling you to be them.

    Be you when you are telling yourself to be me.

    I won’t agree with all of your choices, I’m sure of that, but they are YOUR choices.

    My job as your mother is to give you guidance and values and then to send you off into the world and trust that I did my best.

    Your job is to share your special gifts with passion and conviction.

    It makes my heart happy to know that you look up to me and that I can be a guide for you in this, sometimes overwhelming, world. I’ll be your safety and your home. You can trust me 100% with every crazy idea you may come up with. I’ll stand alongside you when life gets messy and confusing.

    And I’ll watch you learn what it means to be you. To really, really be you.

    There is a catch though. It may take a while to figure out exactly who “you” is, and the journey can be full of mistakes and discomfort.

     

    You’ll choose the wrong friends, the wrong career, or the wrong attitude. You’ll try one thing on and decide if it suits you or not. This process doesn’t take years, it takes decades.

    But you’ll get there.

    You will find out who you really are and it will feel like slipping on a cozy pair of pajamas.

    And they will be YOUR pajamas. Not mine.

    And you will be spectacular.

    Because you will finally have discovered YOU.

  • What it Means to Love

    What it Means to Love

    Love.

    It’s a word that is used in a number of ways.

    I love ice cream.

    I love grandma.

    Same word. Very different meanings.

    There are many things and people that you will come to love throughout your lifetime. Some you will love simply, like the feel of warm breeze coming off the ocean. Others will be so deep that your breath will catch when thinking about them, like the love of your child. Most types of love fall somewhere in the middle.

    There is one type of love that isn’t talked about much, but I believe it is one of the most important: loving yourself.

    Loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with being selfish. They don’t mean the same thing. Selfishness is the lack of consideration for others. Selfishness means being overly or excessively concerned with ones self.

    When you are selfish, you put your own concerns above those of others.

    When you are loving to yourself, you put your own concerns on par with those of others.

    I want you to love yourself as much as you love anyone. Not less. Not more.

    Take care of yourself just as fiercely as you would take care of a parent, child or family member. People will come in and out of your life and you will love many of them. But always remember that there is one person who will always be with you.

    Yourself.

    Be kind, not critical.

    Be forgiving, not cruel.

    Be patient, not demanding.

    Be a nurse, a friend, a counselor, a coach, and a defender to yourself. Only say to yourself those things that you would say to your best friend.

    Because you are.

    Life can be hard, but it can be amazing too.

    Cry with yourself.

    Laugh with yourself.

    Dance with yourself.

    Praise yourself.

    Be the best friend that you’ve ever had…and you’ll have a best friend forever.