Advice for My Daughter

Tag: perfection

  • There is No Perfect. Seriously. There Isn’t.

    There is No Perfect. Seriously. There Isn’t.

    One quick Google search and you can see that there is a bit of an obsession around being perfect.

    It’s a lofty goal.

    It’s also absurd.

    Because there is no perfect. And even if there was, it’s like choosing plastic utensils over antique silver.

    Perfection is an ideal, but it isn’t a reality. It’s much healthier to remove the word “perfect” entirely and replace it with powerful, obtainable goals.

    Instead of a perfect body, work towards a healthy body.

    Instead of a perfect job, find a challenging job where you can grow.

    Instead of seeking out perfect friends, find some super loyal ones.

    The Japanese tradition of wabi-sabi focuses on an acceptance of imperfection and finding beauty within that imperfection.

    Wabi-sabi is the wood floors in your living room with scratches on them from your much loved dog. It’s the wrinkles on your grandmother’s face from years of smiling. It’s the random flower sprouting in a field of weeds. It’s the scar on your leg from the surgery that saved your life.

    Stories are found in the imperfections. A glossy magazine will never hold a candle to a well-worn book. A new pair of jeans will never feel as good as the faded pair with the frayed hem.

    Perfection is a mirage. We tell ourselves that it exists, but it really doesn’t. And even if it did, it would be hugely overrated.

    Embrace your crooked smile, your almost perfect test score and your chipped windshield.

    Devour your slightly burnt omelette.

    Frame your “not even close to Monet” artwork.

    Throw on some sandals and let your crooked toes free.

    You are unique.

    You are one of a kind.

    And you are a million times better than perfect.

  • How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    When I wake up in the morning, my goal is always to have the best day possible. I want to tackle my to-do list, be kind to everyone I meet and be a productive member of society.

    I fail every day. And that’s ok.

    In school, you are rated on a scale every day so that we have an idea of how well you followed directions. Last year you would receive a red, yellow or green. This year you receive a number 1-4 (4 being best.) There are some weeks where you get all 3’s and 4’s. Go you! There are also weeks where you get all 2’s. Big bummer.

    Don’t beat yourself up over. Life just happens that way sometimes.

    Our expectation of you is that every morning when you walk into that classroom, you will try your best to get a 3 or 4. Every single day.

    And one other thing: our expectation is that you you won’t do great every day.

    Why? Because we don’t.

    Sometimes I try really hard to get something done and I just can’t. Sometimes the weather puts me in a foul mood. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes I’m just lazy for no reason. But MOST of the time, I get a 3 or a 4.

    Deep inside of our heads, we have what’s called the “lizard brain.” It’s the oldest part of our brain and it controls our survival instinct. This is where “fight or flight” lives. This part of our body was designed to keep us alive. It will remind you repeatedly of all of the things that you did wrong today. It likes to beat you up and show you what you failed at. It does this because it wants you to survive.

    You can do 99 things correct and the lizard brain will point out the one thing that you messed up. And you will beat yourself up over it. The lizard brain needs you to focus on that mistake because it wants to ensure that you never make that mistake again. It wants you to survive rather than get eaten by a wolf.

    The wolves aren’t going to eat you if you get a 2. I know, because I’ve had difficult days and lived to tell about them.

    You are not a number. Your worth isn’t boiled down to a sliding scale.

    You didn’t finish your math, but you did comfort a friend who was sad.

    You talked during the assembly, but you also sang proudly during music class.

    You forgot your backpack, but you didn’t forget to tell me that you love me.

    Life isn’t a scorecard. It’s about trying your best every day and picking yourself up when you fall.

    And you will fall. Again. And again. And again.

    But you will pick yourself up and you will get stronger. And stronger. And stronger.

    The sun shines brightly 365 days a year, but sometimes clouds will cover it up and try to trick you into thinking that the sun isn’t shining.

    But it is.

    It always is.

    When the sun creeps into your room tomorrow morning, get dressed and prepare for a 3 or a 4, but if the clouds move in, remind yourself that the wind will blow them away just as easily as it carried them here.

     

    Image: sabertasche2 on Flickr