Advice for My Daughter

Tag: love

  • I Can See Your Heartbeat

    I Can See Your Heartbeat

    When I woke up this morning, you were still sleeping, but your body was very much awake. I looked at your arms stretched out and your little toes twitching. Then my eyes stopped when I saw your heart beating through your pajamas.

    It shouldn’t be so amazing to see a heart beating, but when I think of the long, sometimes painful, road that led me to this cloudy Monday morning in a pink bedroom where I’m watching the heart beat of a little girl who shares my last name…it’s nothing short of a miracle.

    A heart beats around 3 billion times in a lifetime. As your mother, I am acutely aware that I will be in your presence for just a small fraction of those. The number of mornings that I will get to sit on the edge of your bed and watch you, are numbered.

    And I don’t know what that number is.

    So, I silently watch in wonder while this little girl whose incredible heart is beating insistently in the shadows of a Monday morning sunrise.

    And I whisper under my breath…

    thank you

     

    Image: sure2talk on Flickr

  • 33 Simple Ways to Live an Extraordinary Life

    33 Simple Ways to Live an Extraordinary Life

    Listen to music when you are happy. Listen to music when you are sad. Listen to music when you are angry. Listen to music when you are grateful.

    Always say I love you when you mean it. Never say it when you don’t.

    Spend money on experiences rather than things. Memories last forever.

    Sleep with the windows open whenever possible.

    Get a Sonicare and go to the dentist every 6 months. You only get one set of permanent teeth. Take care of them.

    Always bring a jacket on a plane and to the movie theater.

    Fight off energy vampires. They will drain you of your creativity and zest for life.

    Shop the perimeter of the grocery store.

    Treat the CEO and the person who cleans her office the same, because they are.

    Sometimes a road trip is better than an elaborate vacation.

    Nothing tastes better than ice cream on a hot day.

    Be kind whenever possible and forgive yourself when you forget this one.

    Get a dog. They are a lot of work. Get one anyway.

    Keep a gratitude journal and look back at it to be reminded of all of your blessings.

    Eat a lot of strawberries when they are in season.

    Buy a quality mattress and pillow. You spend one third of your life in bed. It’s worth it.

    Live in a city that makes you feel alive.

    There is no such thing as “Guilty Pleasure” music. Love what you love. No guilt needed.

    Never stop reading.

    The goal isn’t always to get the answer. Sometimes the goal is just to ask great questions.

    Laugh. About big things and small things. Laughter is often the answer.

    Treat yourself as well as you would treat your best friend. Be kind to yourself.

    Roll the windows down. Turn the music up.

    Dance…publicly and privately.

    Don’t judge others. You don’t know their story, even if you think you do.

    The best prayer is “thank you.”

    It takes a strong person to say, “I need help.”

    Eat dark chocolate.

    Visit London.

    Wear sunscreen on your face every day.

    Do something with your photos. Don’t just leave them in your phone.

    Write thank you notes.

    Be true to that one piece of perfect that lives inside of you. Let your gift shine.

     

    Image by zeitfaenger.at

  • What it Means to Love

    What it Means to Love

    Love.

    It’s a word that is used in a number of ways.

    I love ice cream.

    I love grandma.

    Same word. Very different meanings.

    There are many things and people that you will come to love throughout your lifetime. Some you will love simply, like the feel of warm breeze coming off the ocean. Others will be so deep that your breath will catch when thinking about them, like the love of your child. Most types of love fall somewhere in the middle.

    There is one type of love that isn’t talked about much, but I believe it is one of the most important: loving yourself.

    Loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with being selfish. They don’t mean the same thing. Selfishness is the lack of consideration for others. Selfishness means being overly or excessively concerned with ones self.

    When you are selfish, you put your own concerns above those of others.

    When you are loving to yourself, you put your own concerns on par with those of others.

    I want you to love yourself as much as you love anyone. Not less. Not more.

    Take care of yourself just as fiercely as you would take care of a parent, child or family member. People will come in and out of your life and you will love many of them. But always remember that there is one person who will always be with you.

    Yourself.

    Be kind, not critical.

    Be forgiving, not cruel.

    Be patient, not demanding.

    Be a nurse, a friend, a counselor, a coach, and a defender to yourself. Only say to yourself those things that you would say to your best friend.

    Because you are.

    Life can be hard, but it can be amazing too.

    Cry with yourself.

    Laugh with yourself.

    Dance with yourself.

    Praise yourself.

    Be the best friend that you’ve ever had…and you’ll have a best friend forever.

     

     

  • A Love Letter to My Daughter

    A Love Letter to My Daughter

    My Remarkable Girl,

    It’s taken me years to write you this letter. It’s long overdue. Many times I’ve tried to put my feelings into words, and many times I’ve failed.

    In the simplest of terms, I love you, but there is nothing simple about my feelings. I apologize in advance for the flimsiness of my words. As hard as I try, my words always fail me.

    Imagine for a moment a wish that you hold close to your heart. Now imagine wishing for it for years. You wonder if you are being heard. Every coin that gets dropped in a fountain is wrapped in that wish. Every candle that is blown out feels the wind from that wish. Every star…every night…feels the echo of that wish. Every night, every bended knee, has carried that wish in a prayer.

    Now imagine that wish coming true.

    Can you feel it?

    Now take that feeling and multiply by the number of stars in the sky. Then multiply that by the number of blades of grass in central park. Then multiply that by every grain of sand in the Sahara Desert.

    Does your heart ache yet? Because mine does…every day.

    As I look back on your life so far, there are so many moments when I’m certain that I felt my heart leap out of my body:

    • The first time I held you
    • Your first night home when I watched you sleep
    • The first time you were sick
    • The first time you smiled
    • The first time you said mommy

    And those are just the “big” moments. Every mother expects to be in awe when the big firsts happen, but it’s the everyday moments that make my breath catch and I whisper a simple “thank you” because it’s all I have to offer.

    • When you reach for my hand in the parking lot
    • When your legs are tucked up under you as the moon shines across your sleeping eyes
    • When you get upset and write me a note that says “I’m sorry”
    • When you run across the room to greet me with a giant hug
    • When you invite me to have lunch with you at school

    You are my answered prayer…the prayer that I thought was never heard.

    You are my inspiration, my joy, my wonder, my dance partner, my sidekick, my adventurer, my scientist, my teacher, my guru, my alarm clock, my movie buddy, my cheerleader, my artist, my inventor, my comfort, my caffeine, my confidant, my goofball, my coach, and my heart.

    You. Are my child.

    And I love you.

    Love,

    Mom

     

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  • I Was Late To Work Because You’re Beautiful

    I Was Late To Work Because You’re Beautiful

    There are many legitimate reasons to be late for work:
    • Traffic
    • Weather
    • The alarm didn’t go off
    • Doctor’s appointment
    • The car wouldn’t start

    My reason for being late today doesn’t appear on this list.

    I was late because you are beautiful.

    I woke up with plenty of time to do all of those weekday “must do’s.” I allowed time to shower, do my hair and makeup, eat breakfast, catch up on my news and my facebook updates, check my email, pack my lunch, pack your lunch, and get you up and dressed. Easy. I’ve planned everything perfectly.

    Before my shower, I always check in on you to see you resting well from a day of learning and playing. You were sleeping so peacefully that I decided to watch you a little longer. I wanted a closer look, so I climbed in bed next to you. I looked at your hair, your skin, the freckles sprinkled across your nose, and your little belly rising and falling with each steady breath. I saw the scrapes on your knees from a tumble you took yesterday and your little toe that curls outward.

    And time stood still.

    In the movie The Bucket List, one of the items on his bucket list is to “kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t a Vanity Fair model, it was his granddaughter. And it’s true. I’ve seen beautiful things in my life: sunsets in Hawaii, brides dressed in white radiating love, autumn colors that make the forests look like they’ve caught fire. But I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in all of my life, than my daughter with one pajama leg up and one down, little hands twitching from dreams taking you to wonderful new places, while protecting your stuffed dog through it all.

    And I was frozen, though the clock ticked on. And I was late for work today.

    Because you’re beautiful.

  • The Hurt That Every Mother Knows

    The Hurt That Every Mother Knows

    I was heading to bed the other night and went into your room first to kiss you goodnight, like I always do. And you were sound asleep…and absolutely perfect.

    I watched you for a while. I smiled. I remembered. I wished. I prayed.

    And I turned to walk out.

    Then I came back and climbed in next to you. I looked at your eyes gracefully moving beneath closed eyelids and imagined where your dreams were taking you. I imagined where life may take you.

    I looked at your little hands…your face, untouched by the stresses of life…your legs splayed out in exhaustion from a day full of playing.

    And it hurt.

    Every mother knows the hurt I’m talking about. It’s not joy. It’s not sadness. If I had to guess where its roots lie, I would have to say that it is gratitude magnified to the point where it burns.

    Your heart grows too big…and it hurts.

    I lied next to you for quite a while thinking about how proud I am of you and how kind you are. I think of the hundreds of nights I sat in my own bed silently wishing for you and the magical day when my wish was granted.

    My wish was granted, and her favorite color is blue. She likes to sing. She fills my purse with rocks and crayons. She hugs me better than anyone in the world.

    My wish has a name. My wish has a body. My wish calls me mommy.

    My wish is lying right here dreaming her own dreams.

    And, yes, it hurts to look in the eyes of an answered prayer.

    Thank you is so very small, but I say it anyway, because I don’t know what else to say. (tweet this)

    What else do you say when prayers become people and wishes become wonder?

    [thank you]

     

    Image by Susana Fernandez

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  • Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    The day hasn’t come yet, but I know it will.

    One day your heart will ache…badly. Someone you trust will betray you or hurt you.

    And I can’t change that.

    I’m not here to stop you from getting hurt, although I wish I could carry that pain for you. What I can do is tell you from (very extensive) experience the one thing that nobody else will tell you:

    My heart has never, ever been broken.

    And neither will yours.

    But it will probably feel like it.

    Hearts can get hurt in many ways. Friends may talk behind your back. Crushes may not reciprocate. Someone who told you they love you, may change their mind. Someone you love will come to the end of their time on earth.

    Each of these things will hurt so badly that you will think that you can’t possibly recover. Your heart will hurt so badly that you won’t believe me when I tell you that it isn’t broken…but it isn’t.

    As long as you are standing and breathing and loving…your heart is NOT broken.

    It is bruised. Sometimes you get a small bruise and it goes away so quickly, you can’t even remember where it was.

    Other times, a bruise is huge. It’s ugly and painful and you don’t want to leave the house. You get scared and angry and feel like you are going to die.

    I’ve been there. It hurts.

    But it will get better. Your heart will not break.

    It may crack though. Sometimes the cracks never heal. Sometimes the cracks hurt a little bit when you touch them. Over time, you will learn not to touch them so much, but you know they are there and how to avoid touching them.

    Some cracks are deep. You try to pick up the pieces and glue them back together as best you can. You are a little bit damaged…a little bit sensitive. You are different than you were before.

    But you are not broken.

    You are bruised…never broken.

     

    Image by bored-now