Advice for My Daughter

Tag: kindness

  • What it Means to Love

    What it Means to Love

    Love.

    It’s a word that is used in a number of ways.

    I love ice cream.

    I love grandma.

    Same word. Very different meanings.

    There are many things and people that you will come to love throughout your lifetime. Some you will love simply, like the feel of warm breeze coming off the ocean. Others will be so deep that your breath will catch when thinking about them, like the love of your child. Most types of love fall somewhere in the middle.

    There is one type of love that isn’t talked about much, but I believe it is one of the most important: loving yourself.

    Loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with being selfish. They don’t mean the same thing. Selfishness is the lack of consideration for others. Selfishness means being overly or excessively concerned with ones self.

    When you are selfish, you put your own concerns above those of others.

    When you are loving to yourself, you put your own concerns on par with those of others.

    I want you to love yourself as much as you love anyone. Not less. Not more.

    Take care of yourself just as fiercely as you would take care of a parent, child or family member. People will come in and out of your life and you will love many of them. But always remember that there is one person who will always be with you.

    Yourself.

    Be kind, not critical.

    Be forgiving, not cruel.

    Be patient, not demanding.

    Be a nurse, a friend, a counselor, a coach, and a defender to yourself. Only say to yourself those things that you would say to your best friend.

    Because you are.

    Life can be hard, but it can be amazing too.

    Cry with yourself.

    Laugh with yourself.

    Dance with yourself.

    Praise yourself.

    Be the best friend that you’ve ever had…and you’ll have a best friend forever.

     

     

  • 9 Ways to Help Others Shine

    9 Ways to Help Others Shine

    The life stage that we perform on is not a one-woman show. We all have parts to play and the better we support each other, the better life will be for everyone.

    There is an unlimited amount of joy that can be spread around. Lifting one person up, doesn’t bring another one down.

    Here are nine simple ways to make other people shine.

    1. When you see someone who is having a rough day, give them a small compliment. They may desperately need it.
    2. Give 110% when you go to work. When you make your boss look good, you also make yourself look good.
    3. If you receive good service, tell the manager.
    4. Praise publicly.
    5. If someone makes a mistake, but they honestly tried, don’t beat them up over. Chances are they have already done that to themselves. Compliment them on their effort.
    6. Ask people questions about things they are interested in, even if you know nothing about them. They will feel acknowledged and you will learn something new.
    7. Choose one friend each day and send them a note about why they mean so much to you. It’s very easy to take our friends for granted and it’s rare to every let them know their importance.
    8. If a friend has a special talent, recommend them to someone who could use their skills.
    9. Tell someone that you think they are a good friend, a good mom, a good teacher, or a good person.

    Lifting people up feels good and it is deeply meaningful.

    It only takes a few moments to make someone shine brightly today.

     

    Image: Martin Fisch

     

  • Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Throughout your life, you will find yourself in situations where you can make a choice to do what’s right or do what’s easy.

    Choose doing the right thing as often as possible.

    Choosing what’s right can be small:

    • Holding the door open for the mom with the stroller
    • Letting the cashier know that she gave you too much change
    • Telling the truth when you spill something on the couch
    • Checking the tags on the stray dog and helping to find her home

    Choosing what’s right can also be huge:

    • Standing up for a friend when everyone is picking on them
    • Letting someone speak their mind, even if you don’t agree with it
    • Fighting for someone’s rights, because they are being wronged

    As we approach Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I want you to know the importance of being good in all things that you do. He fought, peacefully, for the rights of African Americans, yes, but for also the rights of all human beings. When we put one group of people inside of box and treat them differently, it hurts everyone.

    When you have something to say, say it politely, but adamantly. Defend people who need defending. Be kind when kindness is desperately needed.

    Be honest.

    Be good.

    Be helpful.

    Do the right thing when the right thing is hard to do. You will never regret doing the right thing, but doing the wrong thing may haunt you forever.

     

    My book suggestions on equality and kindness:
       

  • Give Privately

    Give Privately

    When people need help, help them whenever you can. If a friend is going through a hard time, give them a hand up. Give to your church, your neighbors, your friends, and to people worlds away whom you’ve never met.

    Whether you give big or give small, there is one secret that I want to share about giving: keep it private.

    Why?

    Because giving is something you do to help someone who needs it. The reward is the joy that THEY receive, not the recognition that YOU receive. Giving is the reward.

    Send money to a friend dealing with a health issue….and don’t tell anyone that you did it.

    Buy breakfast for the homeless man you see on the way to work every day…and don’t tell your co-workers.

    You’ll notice that it feels different when you give without receiving external validation. It’s like a little secret between you and the recipient. A happy secret.

    Be the kind of person who helps when you see a need. Help because it’s who you are, not because of what you get.

    Give regularly.

    Give thoughtfully.

    Give.

     

  • Advice [From] My Daughter | 01

    Advice [From] My Daughter | 01

    I asked my daughter what I should write about. She offered this piece of advice:

     

                       When you grow up, you should be a wonderful woman.

     

    Simple? Yes.

    Easy? Not always.

    I’ve always said that I would one day like to be a wise old woman. I want to be that sweet old lady that always offers the exact right words at the exact right moment.

    Scratch that.

    I don’t think I’m going for sweet. I’d prefer to be the hip old lady with wise words for every troubled young person that comes my way.

    That’s what I’d like to be.

    But in the meantime, I think my daughter set a great goal for all girls: to become a wonderful woman.

    The great thing about being a wonderful woman is that there are many ways to be one.

    You can be kind.

    Or hard working.

    Or smart.

    Or inspirational.

    Or friendly.

    Or a million other things.

    What do YOU think makes for a wonderful woman? Do you know a wonderful woman who would like to share her advice? Let me know in the comments.

     

     

  • How to Treat the Elderly

    How to Treat the Elderly

    As far as the earth goes, you are brand-spanking new. Your skin is tight and shiny. Your teeth are flawless. Your energy is boundless.

    And you will believe, for a very long time, that you will always be this way.

    Until you aren’t.

    It may start when your weight starts creeping up on you. Or maybe it will be the moment that the doctor tells you that you need reading glasses. Maybe a tooth will crack while you are eating popcorn.

    I don’t know how it will happen. But it will.

    And it will be both shocking and terrifying.

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be.

     

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be. (tweet this)

     

    You will get older.

    Your skin will get dull spots where there once was a glistening tan.
    Your teeth may be made of porcelain, not bone.
    Your hearing might miss some of the quieter conversations at the dinner table.

    Bodies wear down after a life well lived.

    Remember this when you are stuck behind a woman walking slowly in front of you when you are trying to run through the airport.

    Remember this when you notice an older person sitting alone at a family gathering.

    They can’t believe this is happening to them. They didn’t really understand that one day, they would be the old person in the room that people find inconvenient.

    They used to be young, vibrant, powerful, helpful. Now they feel their independence slipping slowly away.

    It’s frustrating…and sometimes humiliating. This wasn’t how they used to be.

    Try to look past the faded skin and tired eyes to see their heart and their mind. Talk to them. Connect with them. Understand them.

    Because they are just like you.

    And one day…far, far away…you will be just like them.

     

    Image by Marjan Lazarevski

  • Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    When other people make mistakes, it’s very easy to jump to negative conclusions that generally center around, “what an idiot” “why would someone DO that” or “are you KIDDING me!”

    But we make mistakes, it normally comes from a place of “Uh-Oh” “Oh-No” or “I can’t believe I did that…I’m so sorry!”

    That’s a pretty big discrepancy. We tend to assume the best in ourselves and the worst in others.

    She’s late for the movie because she’s inconsiderate. I’m late for the movie because I fell asleep on the couch on accident.

    When someone cuts me off in traffic it’s because they don’t know how to drive. When I cut someone off in traffic it’s because they were in my blind spot.

    Please don’t be quick to judge. It’s ugly behavior and it puts you at the center of the universe. You aren’t the sun…you are one of many planets circling around the sun trying to get through the day without banging into any space junk.

    And so is everyone else.

    I believe that people are generally kind and generally good. I believe that with all of my heart. It’s very easy to watch the news and feel like the entire world is filled with horrible people.

    It’s just not true. The news doesn’t send a crew to Target when someone hits a car with their cart and they leave a note because they feel bad. They don’t report on the person who chatted with a lonely stranger on the bus. But these things happen all the time…every day…all over the world.

    Try to have compassion towards people and realize that they are doing the best they can. Maybe they are rude because they just left the hospital where their father underwent heart surgery. You don’t know.

    Give them the benefit of the doubt.

    Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be humble.

    People deserve that….even the grumpy ones. (tweet this)

     

    Image by Hina Ichigo

  • Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    I want you to be successful in life. Not so that you can buy lots of stuff, but because the more you make, the more you can give.

    I just finished the book, “A Path Appears” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn and it was nothing short of life-changing. Although the book sells for less than $20, it is quite possibly the most expensive book I’ve ever purchased because on every page, I was inspired to reach out to someone else…to help one more person.

    “Just because we can’t help everyone doesn’t mean that we should help no one.”

    — A Path Appears

    I was raised with the belief that we should help those who need it. It’s what makes us human and what makes our lives worth living.

    Yesterday you came home with a note from school that you are collecting food for local families that need it. We immediately opened our pantry and filled a bag with food. We did this to help people in our neighborhood today, but we also did it so that you will help people all over the world for the rest of your life.

    I want you to see that what we have been given, is meant to be shared. We share our food, our home, our love, our money, out time and our talents. Whatever we have been given, is to be shared with those who need it.

    I don’t want you to walk out into the world blindly and giving everything away without thought. As with everything in life, do your research. Be thorough. And then give where it feels right.

    “If you’re buying a large-screen television, you’ll probably conduct a bit of research to make sure you get your money’s worth. Do the same with your donations.”

    — A Path Appears

    If the mom in front of you at the grocery store is a couple dollars short to pay for food for her kids, help her out. Don’t make a big deal about it. Do it quietly and without fanfare.

    If a friend is driving through town and needs a place to stay, offer your couch.

    If you see a cause either domestically or globally that angers you, give them your time and expertise.

    Be kind.

    Be generous.

    Give what you have to give, no matter how small. You’d be surprised at how valuable a smile can be to someone who really needs it. (tweet this)

     

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    Image by Kris