Advice for My Daughter

Tag: growing up

  • I Didn’t Know It Was the Last Time

    I Didn’t Know It Was the Last Time

    As our kids grow up, we often keep notebooks to log their firsts:

    • First Smile
    • First Laugh
    • First time rolling over
    • First tooth
    • First food
    • First word
    • First steps

    We share the firsts with our family, post them on Facebook and track them in baby books.

    But we never track the lasts. They slip by us unnoticed and we don’t realize their significance until much later.

    I didn’t know it was the last time I would rock you in the rocking chair.

    I didn’t know it was the last time I would carry you.

    I didn’t know it was the last time I would give you a bath.

    These milestones just snuck past me. Your childhood slipped away with a whisper. There was no announcement, no record keeping and no party.

    I didn’t know. How could I?

    How could I know that it was the last time I would read you a bedtime story?

    How could I know that it was the last time you would crawl?

    How could I know that it was the last time that you would hold my hand in the parking lot?

    I couldn’t. And now all I have are memories.

    The firsts are filled with joy, while the lasts are filled with longing because I didn’t know it was the last time.

    I didn’t know.

  • The Girl in the Rearview Mirror

    The Girl in the Rearview Mirror

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    This is her first time in a car. She’s sleeping soundly after recovering from her grand entrance into the world. We’ve just met, but I already love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.

     

    “We’ve just met, but I already love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.” (tweet this)

     

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She can’t stop talking about how much fun she had at school. She loves her teacher. She loves her new friends. She loves music class. She loves laughing with her friends at lunch.  I’m so proud of her as she begins this great adventure. But my heart aches a little bit.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She’s sitting with her two besties. They are singing and talking and taking selfies. The freckles sprinkled across her nose are those of my little girl, but her legs are bumping against the back seat. She’s not a baby, but she’s not a grown up. I watch her stumble a lot, and it’s hard. But I’m proud of the young lady she’s becoming.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She isn’t talking as much these days. She sits quietly in the back seat texting her friends. It seems that I’m always dropping her off somewhere. I wish she was home more often. I miss her.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She’s quiet on the four hour drive to college. Almost everything she owns is in the trunk. I tell her everything is going to be great, but my heart is ripping apart. I’m not ready for this.

    There’s an empty spot in the rearview mirror.

    There used to be a girl there that I love more than anything in the world. She has her own car now. She lives in the city and has a job that she loves. She calls me every Sunday and comes for dinner once a month. I miss her terribly, but I’m so, so proud of her.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She has freckles sprinkled across her nose and she calls me grandma.

     

    Image: Sam Manon-Marwitz

     

  • It’s OK to Outgrow Your Friends

    It’s OK to Outgrow Your Friends

    There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

    I believe this to be true.

    As a kid, you make friends and you grow up with them. You have similar life experiences. You swim at the same pool. You have the same teachers. You build up years of shared experiences. You become BFF’s.

    Best.

    Friends.

    Forever.

    But don’t hang too tightly on that last part. Not all friendships last forever…and that’s ok.

    Childhood friendships are fantastic. You learn life together. You grow up together. You share secrets and make plans.

    But then, you grow up.

    You develop your own values and interests. You realize that you like to read books, but your best friend likes to go to concerts. You want to put down roots in your hometown, but your best friend wants to experience the world.

    You grow apart.

    There are arguments for keeping the friendship going. It’s great to have a lifelong friendship with someone who grew where you grew, but if you grow apart…don’t beat yourself up over it.

    The qualities that someone looks for in a friend at age 7 are very different than what they look for in a friend when they are 37.

    The girl who you went swimming with at the pool may not be the best person to comfort you when you lose your job. The girl who liked to go on adventures in the forest may not understand why you work late after work because you are launching your own business.

    And that’s ok.

    Appreciate every person that enters your life…whether it is for 5 minutes, for your entire childhood, or for your entire life. (tweet this)

    Say hello when you want to. Say goodbye when you need to.

    And be ok with it.

     

    Image by Philippe Put

  • Kids Don’t Grow Up Fast – They Just Grow Up

    Kids Don’t Grow Up Fast – They Just Grow Up

    Almost every parent has used the phrase “they grow up so fast!”

    I don’t think that’s true.

    You aren’t growing up fast. I think you are growing up just right. But here is the sad part:

    I’ll miss the little you.

    I once knew a five pound baby girl who loved to be held and relied on me for absolutely everything. She was my world. I would rock her to sleep, sing her lullabies and wake up to the slightest sound. She needed me….desperately. I loved her…even though we had just met. But I’ll never get to hold her again.

    She grew up.

    I once knew a two year old who would look to me for help when she fell down. My kisses were magic and could heal anything. She would sit on the floor and look at flashcards for hours. Everything was brand new to her and I was her teacher. She had this fresh new mind that was open to everything that I would say. But I’ll never get to teach that brand new mind again.

    She grew up.

    I once knew a five year old who was a little bit nervous on her first day of school and needed me to hold her hand and hug her goodbye. She didn’t know what school was. She didn’t know how to read or write. Some of the most fundamental parts of her life were still unknown. I held her hand as she went to her first day of school. She was about to begin a lifetime of learning. But I can’t take her to her first day of school again.

    She grew up.

    I don’t think kids grow up fast. I think they transform, just like butterflies. They are handed to us as larva or caterpillars and we give them the tools and the time to evolve. It’s not a quick process. It’s gradual. The confusing part is that the after looks so much different than the before.

    But is it?

    The little personality stays. The shine in the eyes stays. But the small needy person goes away. The little body is shed away like a cocoon.

    She grows wings….and she flies away.

    I want you to grow wings. I want you to fly away.

    But it will hurt.

     

    I want you to grow wings. I want you to fly away. But it will hurt.

      (tweet this)

     

    Every day, I teach you things so that you will be successful when you take flight. But I still won’t be ready when it’s time to take off.

    I want you to be a butterfly.

    So, no…I don’t think kids grow up fast, but I wish I could go back and visit that little girl every now and then. I want to hear her laugh. I want to kiss her boo-boos. I want to carry her in my arms just one more time.

    But the caterpillar is no more. She learned how to fly.