I Didn’t Know It Was the Last Time

As our kids grow up, we often keep notebooks to log their firsts:

• First Smile
• First Laugh
• First time rolling over
• First tooth
• First food
• First word
• First steps

We share the firsts with our family, post them on Facebook and track them in baby books.

But we never track the lasts. They slip by us unnoticed and we don’t realize their significance until much later.

I didn’t know it was the last time I would rock you in the rocking chair.

I didn’t know it was the last time I would carry you.

I didn’t know it was the last time I would give you a bath.

These milestones just snuck past me. Your childhood slipped away with a whisper. There was no announcement, no record keeping and no party.

I didn’t know. How could I?

How could I know that it was the last time I would read you a bedtime story?

How could I know that it was the last time you would crawl?

How could I know that it was the last time that you would hold my hand in the parking lot?

I couldn’t. And now all I have are memories.

The firsts are filled with joy, while the lasts are filled with longing because I didn’t know it was the last time.

I didn’t know.