Advice for My Daughter

Category: Success

  • Bravery Doesn’t Always Feel Good. Be Brave Anyway.

    Bravery Doesn’t Always Feel Good. Be Brave Anyway.

    When we think about being brave, powerful images of Wonder Woman or firefighters often pop in our head. We imagine strength, confidence and fearlessness.

    Those perceptions are sometimes true, but in my experience, more often than not, bravery is terrifying.

    Bravery is standing up for someone who is being made fun of on the subway. And it’s scary.

    Bravery is speaking in front of a large group of people when your hands are sweating and your voice shakes.

    Bravery is not laughing at a cruel joke when everyone at the table is laughing.

    Bravery doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach.

    Be brave anyway.

    When you are faced with a difficult choice, the easy way out is to say nothing, do nothing, or just blend in. And many times in your life, you’ll choose this option. None of us have the time or the energy to fight every single battle that comes our way. Sometimes we need to “be like water” and conform to our current situation. But every once in a while, something strikes a nerve and we can’t sit quietly. We have to speak up because the idea of doing nothing is more frightening than the potential result of standing up.

    So that leaves us with the question of when to be brave and went to just let something go.

    I don’t have the answer to that, but if you listen to your gut and your heart, it will probably steer you in the right direction.

    Bravery isn’t always glamourous. You may be laughed at,  picked on, or you may try something new and fail. You aren’t always going to be praised or commended for your courageous act.

    Be brave anyway.

    Be brave when:

    • Faced with uncertainty
    • Defending those whose voices are smaller than yours
    • You want to tell the truth and it’s easier to lie
    • You have something important to say, but you are afraid you’ll be judged
    • “Everyone” is doing something one way and you wan’t to do it differently
    • You are trying something new for the first time
    • You need to say no to something that your friends are saying yes to
    • You need to ask for help
    • You have a crazy idea and you’re afraid of being laughed at
    • You have to go see a doctor about a health concern
    • You need to leave a bad relationship
    • You dress, act, or think differently than everyone else in the room
    • You change your mind
    • You have absolutely no idea how you are going to be brave

    There is no Wonder Woman. Superheroes don’t exist. Fearlessness is ignorance.

    Don’t be fearless. Have fear.

    But be brave anyway.

     

  • A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    The end of the school year is approaching and while I enjoy going through end of the year papers and reflecting back on the growth that happened over the past 9 months, I also look forward to my annual end-of-school tradition.

    Step 1

    Head over to your local bookstore or Amazon and get a copy of Oh! The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. If you are unfamiliar with it, it’s a wonderful book about looking towards the future and beginning a new adventure. The best time to buy this book is before your child finishes kindergarten. The second best time is right now.

    Step 2

    As the school year winds down, drop the book at school for your child’s teacher along with a note asking them to write their insights about your child’s talents or personality and some well wishes.

    Step 3

    Store it in a safe place so that you can find it again next year.

    Step 4

    Wrap it up and give it to your child at their high school graduation. It’s amazing to look at the notes throughout the years and see the many consistencies about their personality and gifts.

     

    As kids become adults, it can be easy to lose touch with the foundation of who they are. Looking back at these comments can jolt them back to the child they once were.

    I have been doing this for my daughter since she was in preschool and it’s astounding how similar the comments are. When she turns 18 and is ready to head out and blaze her own path, I hope this serves as a constant reminder of all the places she can go if she remembers who she always was and who she is meant to be.

    “You have brains in your head you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” – Dr. Seuss

  • You Are Not Your Biggest Mistake

    You Are Not Your Biggest Mistake

    As you go through life, you will make many small mistakes and you will make some very, very big ones.

    Don’t let the big ones define you.

    Let them teach you.

    Let them change you.

    Let them humble you.

    Let them anger you.

    But don’t let them define you.

    If every person on earth had to introduce themselves, but declaring their biggest personal failure, we wouldn’t trust anyone.

    One day, you will make a huge mistake. It will happen. It happens to everyone. I ask that you treat yourself with the same sense of compassion that you provide others. Be upset with yourself, fix it, forgive yourself and move on.

    And believe with all of your heart that you are so more than your greatest failure.

     

    Image: Sarah Briovon

  • How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    When I wake up in the morning, my goal is always to have the best day possible. I want to tackle my to-do list, be kind to everyone I meet and be a productive member of society.

    I fail every day. And that’s ok.

    In school, you are rated on a scale every day so that we have an idea of how well you followed directions. Last year you would receive a red, yellow or green. This year you receive a number 1-4 (4 being best.) There are some weeks where you get all 3’s and 4’s. Go you! There are also weeks where you get all 2’s. Big bummer.

    Don’t beat yourself up over. Life just happens that way sometimes.

    Our expectation of you is that every morning when you walk into that classroom, you will try your best to get a 3 or 4. Every single day.

    And one other thing: our expectation is that you you won’t do great every day.

    Why? Because we don’t.

    Sometimes I try really hard to get something done and I just can’t. Sometimes the weather puts me in a foul mood. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes I’m just lazy for no reason. But MOST of the time, I get a 3 or a 4.

    Deep inside of our heads, we have what’s called the “lizard brain.” It’s the oldest part of our brain and it controls our survival instinct. This is where “fight or flight” lives. This part of our body was designed to keep us alive. It will remind you repeatedly of all of the things that you did wrong today. It likes to beat you up and show you what you failed at. It does this because it wants you to survive.

    You can do 99 things correct and the lizard brain will point out the one thing that you messed up. And you will beat yourself up over it. The lizard brain needs you to focus on that mistake because it wants to ensure that you never make that mistake again. It wants you to survive rather than get eaten by a wolf.

    The wolves aren’t going to eat you if you get a 2. I know, because I’ve had difficult days and lived to tell about them.

    You are not a number. Your worth isn’t boiled down to a sliding scale.

    You didn’t finish your math, but you did comfort a friend who was sad.

    You talked during the assembly, but you also sang proudly during music class.

    You forgot your backpack, but you didn’t forget to tell me that you love me.

    Life isn’t a scorecard. It’s about trying your best every day and picking yourself up when you fall.

    And you will fall. Again. And again. And again.

    But you will pick yourself up and you will get stronger. And stronger. And stronger.

    The sun shines brightly 365 days a year, but sometimes clouds will cover it up and try to trick you into thinking that the sun isn’t shining.

    But it is.

    It always is.

    When the sun creeps into your room tomorrow morning, get dressed and prepare for a 3 or a 4, but if the clouds move in, remind yourself that the wind will blow them away just as easily as it carried them here.

     

    Image: sabertasche2 on Flickr

  • New Year, New Yearly Theme

    New Year, New Yearly Theme

    At the start of each year, I choose a word that I want to define it.

    Last year that word was “Learn.”

    I read 130 books covering dozens of different genres. I read over 50 blogs. I listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts. I spent every spare minute that I had learning. And learn I did.

    It’s a new year so I have chosen a new theme: “work.”

    I haven’t stopped reading entirely, but I have have slowed down dramatically. I’ve also changed the focus of my reading. Instead of reading a variety of books, I am focusing on business and self improvement. Whatever I read needs to provide actionable ideas that I can incorporate into my theme of “work.”

    I like the idea of a theme rather than making resolutions. A theme can wrap around everything you do like a cozy blanket. You can incorporate it into your hobbies, your work, and your vacations.

    Think of what you want your life to look like one year from now and choose a theme that will help you get there. Here are some ideas:

    • Play
    • Give
    • Rest
    • Health
    • Relationships
    • Travel
    • Laugh
    • Calm
    • Simple
    • Music

    I’m sure there are many more words, but those can get you started. Wrapping a theme around your year can give you a wonderful sense of purpose and accomplishment. It’s much easier to make decisions because you constantly ask yourself if they fit within your theme.

    Decide what you want life to look like. Choose your theme. And go live your best life!

     

    Image: Caroline

  • The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The holiday season is over and decorations are coming down. When we do this, we usually talk about how much fun we had and we reflect on the meaning of our ornaments as we take them off the tree. Special Christmas cards are dated and stored in a box, cookie tins are packed away and the stockings come off the fireplace.

    But we don’t put the stockings away just yet.

    Every year, we sit down at the table with a small piece of paper and write down one thing that we want to achieve by next year and we slip it into each of our stockings. Then we pack up the stockings and store the decorations until next year.

    This one small tradition gives us a reminder that we have one year to turn a dream into a reality. Putting the note in our stocking is providing us with an endpoint.

    Next year, when we pull out the decorations, we will notice that there is something in our stockings and pull out the notes. This gives us a chance to talk about our year and how far we’ve come and shows us that we can make our dreams come true year round.

     

    Image: :Salihan

  • Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    When the clock strikes midnight, a new year begins. It’s an amazing feeling to have a shiny new year laid out in front of you. The year is a clean slate, so it feels as if you can conquer the world.

    And you can. You absolutely can.

    But not with resolutions.

    When you make a resolution, you are making an absolute decision to do or not do something. You are making a vow to be perfect for the next 365 days. There is no room for error with resolutions. You either do it or you don’t. No mistakes allowed.

    Don’t do that to yourself. The world isn’t black or white. It is gray…and red…and electric orange.

    8,760

    That’s how many hours you have this year to work with. Rather than making resolutions, set goals. Rather than vowing to do something, make a plan.

    When you set a goal, you are saying that, by the end of the year you will accomplish something. Some days will be fantastic and some will be awful, but each day you will be making progress toward your goal.

    Goals are about progressGoals leave room for life to happen. If you have a rough week, it’s ok because you can make it up next week. If you are feeling motivated, you can make a big leap.

    Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.

    “Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.” (tweet this)

     

    In the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, habit two is “start with the end in mind.” First determine where you want to be in one year, then go backwards to determine how to get there. *

    Last year I set a goal of reading 120 books. That was the endpoint. In order to accomplish that, I broke it down into achievable pieces:

    120 books a year = 10 books a month = 2-3 books per week

    Each week, I would make sure that I was reading 2-3 books and my goal was easily met.

    You can achieve anything. You really can. Every day and every hour you are given is a chance to get closer to your dreams.

    Use that time wisely, but don’t live in black and white. Set your goals and then see your life for what it really can be…in all its vivid color!

     

    Image: Susana Fernandez

    * This post contains an Amazon affiliate link. If you click on it, I will receive a small bit of income.

     

     

  • Expand Your Greatness Outward

    Expand Your Greatness Outward

    The term “ego” is often used when referring to someone who is self-centered or self-focused. There is, however, a different way of looking at it.

    The ego represents the self and how you distinguish yourself from other people. All of us are distinct and all of us have unique talents. I prefer to think of ego as “Expanding Greatness Outward.”

    Your talents are a gift. Don’t hide them. Don’t minimize them.

    Celebrate the abilities that you have been given by sharing them with others.

    Teach.

    If you write, write regularly so others can learn from you.

    If you are joyful, pick other people up when they are sad or lonely.

    If you are good at finances, help those who aren’t.

    If you know something that someone else doesn’t, tell them. Don’t squander your knowledge.

    And don’t ever, ever, ever hide your abilities.

    Discover what makes you unique and sprinkle a little bit of it everywhere you go. Honor your talents by sharing them with others.

    Expand your greatness outward.

  • Be Unmistakable

    Be Unmistakable

    Being unmistakable isn’t the same as being flashy or extroverted or the life of the party. It means to be one hundred percent you.

    Every. Single. Time.

    We are each created with our own blueprint and, yes, there is only one blueprint of you. There may be some imitations. Some people could attempt to copy and paste. There is, however, just one original.

    When you are your true self (flaws and all), you cannot be mistaken for anyone else.

    Be unmistakableBe creative.
    Be silly.
    Be clumsy.
    Be affectionate.
    Be very, very talkative.
    Be great at art.
    Be not as great at sports.
    Be giving.
    Be curious.
    Be disorganized.
    Be a good friend.
    Be besties with Grandma.
    Be a rock collector.
    Be a cheetah.
    Be friendly.
    Be a night owl.
    Be a risk taker.
    Be kind.
    Be passionate about what you love.
    Be ridiculous.
    Be you.

    Be unmistakable.

     

    Image by Niccolò Caranti

     

  • Let the Ripple Reflect the Rock

    Let the Ripple Reflect the Rock

    The world is an imperfect place. I can assure you, without a doubt, that things will often not go your way. You will hit every red light when you are running late. Christmas dinner will be burnt. Someone will lie to you. You will oversleep.

    When things go wrong, remember to let the ripple reflect the rock.

    When you toss rocks into a pond, the water responds to the size of the rock. Perfectly. Every time. If you throw a huge rock, the ripples will go on for a long time, but if you throw a pebble in, it’s barely a blip.

    When the dog has an accident on the wood floors, just clean it up and move on. Screaming about it really isn’t going to change anything. It’s an easy fix and the dog is completely over it by the time you’ve made the discovery. Fix it and be done. Let the ripple reflect the rock.

    Small things will happen to you every day. Respond to them and get on with it. It’s not natural to let a small frustration continue to make ripples for hours afterward. It’s not how nature works.

    Bad things do happen, but most things are just not bad enough for the huge ripples you are creating in your life.

    You create those ripples, not nature.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the ripples will be huge. When you see injustice, toss in a big rock. When someone you love is hurting, the ripples will linger.

    Make small waves and big ones. Just make sure that the ripples actually reflect the rock

    Image by cotaro70s