Advice for My Daughter

Category: Learning

  • Climb the Steepest Mountain

    Climb the Steepest Mountain

    There are times in life when you are tired and you want to go for a leisurely walk. You want to relax and take in the scenery and just enjoy the moment.

    There are other times when you need to strive to be the very best you.

    During these times, I encourage you not to take the leisurely path, but to find the steepest mountain you can climb, and get moving.

    This image perfectly demonstrates that risks and reward associated with different paths.

    Path 1:

    Path one offers a good climb. You’ll put in work, get a little winded, and end up at a higher point than when you started. It will offer some challenges, but for the most part, it’s not going to be very difficult for you. You hike to the top, meeting quite a few people on the way who are doing the same, and you’ll get a nice view.

    Path 2:

    Path two is hard. It will require a lot of preparation, be littered with challenges and risks, and you’ll be going it alone. You’ll be going to a place that very few dare to go. But when you reach the top, you will have done things that few people have done and see things that few people have ever seen.

    I challenge you to take the second path at least a few times in your life.

    You can set your sights on a comfy desk job where you can make a decent living, get a few weeks of vacation, and work your way up the corporate ladder. When you reach the top of that ladder, the views will be pretty good, but you will ultimately feel less than exhilarated.

    Or you can walk a little further and climb up the bigger mountain. You aren’t prepared to climb it. You never will be. It’s just one of those mountains that you have to figure out as you go. There is no straight path up this mountain because nobody else has gone here before. The path is winding, but not aimless. You determine the path because nobody else has worn one down for you. You are on new ground.

    This mountain forces you to learn your own personal strengths and weaknesses. It forces you to be creative. It can also take a very, very long time to reach the top

    The steeper the incline, the higher the summit, and my goodness, the views are spectacular.

    Rather than focusing on a destination, focus on a path. The steeper the incline, the more challenging the learning curve, the more you get that nervous pit in your stomach, the more you KNOW that the view at the summit will be amazing.

    Your life doesn’t need to be filled with Matterhorn’s and Everest’s, but it also doesn’t need to be one long, boring stroll either. Mix it up. Strap in for a rough ride. Go to sleep exhausted because you learned so much. Forge your own path rather than always walking the well one, blindly following the footprints of someone else who has been here before.

    And when you get to the top, pull out your phone and snap a photo that nobody else has ever snapped.

    Commit to the struggle so you can bask in the sunshine at the top. The views up here are absolutely spectacular.

    Climb on.

    Photo by Dylan Siebelink on Unsplash

  • Take Your Eye Off the Ball

    Take Your Eye Off the Ball

    We all know that if you want to succeed in life, we need to stay focused and keep our eye on the ball. I’d like you to take a look at this short video to learn more about the importance of keeping your eye on the ball.

    After watching the video, you can see what happens if you are always keeping your eye on the ball.

    You can miss a lot.

    What if you learned that many of the greatest inventions and discoveries happened specifically because the inventor was looking somewhere other than at the ball? What if you knew that taking your eye off of the ball and just noticing your surroundings is one of the most important ways to come up with completely new ideas?

    In his book, “The Click Moment,” Frans Johansson shares several examples of how successful ideas were spawned when someone took their eye off the ball and allowed themselves the space to think about things differently:

    • In 1982, Howard Schultz, the Director of Marketing at Starbucks, visited Milan to attend a housewares show. He chose to walk from his hotel to the convention center and stopped in an espresso bar. After noticing many amazing espresso bars during his trip, he brought the idea back to his team in Seattle. This idea evolved into the Starbucks we know today.
    • Designer Diane Von Furstenburg created the iconic wrap dress after seeing Julie Nixon Eisenhower do a TV interview wearing one of her wrap tops with one of skirts. She had an a-ha moment that she should put the two together and the wrap dress was born.

    Ideas are formed when we notice new things and incorporate them into our current base of knowledge.

    When I watched the gorilla video, I was bound and determined to get an accurate count of the ball passes. I failed to see the gorilla at all.

    My daughter on the other hand, shouted, “Why is there a Yeti-thing in that video?” She didn’t get the count right, but she saw something that other people might miss.

    Sometimes, you need to take your eye off the ball so you can see the whole picture.

    One of my favorite books is “The Artist’s Way,” by Julia Cameron. In it, she provides some unique ideas for connecting with and unleashing your inner artist. One of my favorite assignments is to take yourself on an artist date every week.

    “An artist date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist.”

    – Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

    If you are trying to develop yourself as an artist, this is a great activity, but if you just want to see new things, you can easily incorporate this into your daily errands. If you are making a Target run, rather than just picking up the brand of coffee you always get, take some time to scan some of the other brands, flavors or items on the shelf. If you are waiting in line at the DMV, take a look around at the different ways people dress or speak.

    Learning is all around us, if we just take the time to look.

    If you drive the same route to work every day, take a different way. Visit the library and flip through magazines that you’ve never heard of. If you like fashion magazines, try reading Psychology Today. If you like reading Psychology Today, try reading a fashion magazine.

    Pick up scraps from here and pieces from there. See if they combine into something new and unique.

    My eyes were opened after I saw that my daughter, who sometimes has trouble focusing on the task at hand, could spot a gorilla right in front of her face while I completely missed it because I was keeping my eye on the ball.

    When you need to focus…focus. But if you don’t, then open your eyes to the world around you and all of the wonderful, interesting things it can reveal. Be eternally curious about everything that exists outside of the ball.

    Photo by Francesca Runza on Unsplash

  • Start with Yes

    Start with Yes

    Life can get boring very quickly if you let it. Routines wiggle their way into your life and before you know it, your daily groove has dug itself into a trench. And there you are. Stuck in the mud.

    Why Start with Yes?

    An easy way to start filling that trench is to start with yes.

    Starting with yes doesn’t mean committing to every opportunity that comes your way. That is a guaranteed recipe for overwhelm. Instead, I encourage you to START with yes. To ask yourself “what if?” Embrace the possibility of the yes.

    Then, find arguments to change that yes to a no.

    Reasons to Say No

    Typically, when presented with new ideas, our instinct is to resist it.

    “For individuals’ behavior to change, you’ve got to influence not only their environment but their hearts and minds. The problem is this: Often the heart and mind disagree. Fervently.” – Chip Heath and Dan Heath,  Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard

    Why go to a new vacation spot, when you’ve already found a spot that you love?

    Why try something completely different in your business when you already know what “works?”

    Why separate yourself from the crowd, when it’s easier to just fall in line?

    In his book, The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris Guillebeau put together a list of eleven ways to be remarkably average.

    1. Accept what people tell you at face value.
    2. Don’t question authority.
    3. Go to college because you’re supposed to, not because you want to learn something.
    4. Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England.
    5. Don’t try to learn another language; everyone else will eventually learn English.
    6. Think about starting your own business, but never do it.
    7. Think about writing a book, but never do it.
    8. Get the largest mortgage you qualify for and spend 30 years paying for it.
    9. Sit at a desk 40 hours a week for an average of 10 hours of productive work.
    10. Don’t stand out or draw attention to yourself.
    11. Jump through hoops. Check off boxes.

    That’s what life looks like when you start with no.

    No, I can’t start my own business. It’s too risky.

    No, we can’t run our business in a radically different way than our competitors. We need to be like everyone else.

    No, I can’t create my own life. I need to follow the proven path to mediocrity.

    But What If…..

    What if you chose to just try? Nothing radical….just one small yes.

    You don’t have to follow through with it (yet), you just have to consider it.

    What if you commit to spending one hour a week to your art?

    What if you just try something that other businesses like yours aren’t doing?

    What if you start with yes?

    You are the person you are today because of the choices you made yesterday. If you want to create a new life for yourself, it’s impossible to get there by making the same choices every day.

    And the divot turns into a rut that turns into a swamp.

    Make “No” Present Its Case

    When life presents you with a new opportunity, the easiest thing in the world is to say no. It’s safe. It’s comfortable. You know this path like the back of your hand. You’ve got this.

    Next time, just give yes a fair shake. Start with yes and present arguments on why you should say no.

    Let’s pretend that someone has just proposed a business opportunity that sounds amazing.

    This is what it looks like to start with No:

    • I can’t.
    • I don’t have the time.
    • I’ve never done that before.
    • My life is good right now. I don’t want to risk anything.
    • I would have no idea what to do.
    • No, thanks.

    This is what it looks like to start with Yes:

    • I can do this.
    • If I wake up one hour earlier, I can easily dedicate 365 hours this year
    • I’ve never done that before, but it would be fun.
    • My life is good right now. I’d love to make it even better.
    • I need to start learning more so I can start off on the right foot.
    • Yes. Let’s do it!

    Starting with Yes, May Still End with No

    Starting with yes doesn’t actually mean yes. It means, yes…I’m going to give this reasonable thought. I’m going to dream first and rationalize later. I’m going to consider every opportunity before I toss it away.

    “We don’t tell ourselves, ‘I’m never going to write my symphony.’ Instead we say, “I am going to write my symphony; I’m just going to start tomorrow.’” – Steven Pressfield and Shawn Coyne, The War of Art

    You don’t have to write your symphony. But I encourage you to first consider what it would feel like to put in the work and then to accomplish that goal. You don’t have to say yes right away, but please don’t blurt out “no!”

    Start with yes.

     

    Image by:
    Annie Spratt

  • Be Passionately Curious

    Be Passionately Curious

    Every great discovery begins with one question:

    Why?

    One word. Three letters.

    It changes everything.

    For children, everything in the world is fresh, new and interesting. But as we grow up, we slowly begin to accept things as they are simply because that’s the way they’ve always been.

    And we stagnate. And get bored. And stop asking why.

    Four year old girls ask 398 questions a day, averaging one question every 1 minute and 56 seconds. Adults, on the other hand, ask an average of six questions a day. Imagine how much we could grow if we asked more questions.

    An inquisitive mind is what fuels both compassion and invention. You can ask why before passing judgement on someone’s behavior or you can ask why when you encounter a frustrating product. By asking this question, you are allowing your mind to view a situation differently.

    The more questions you ask, the more you can discover about your world:

    Why are people hungry, when the world has plenty of food?

    Why do cars run on gasoline?

    Why do we change the clocks twice a year?

    Why do we buy gifts for each other on Christmas?

    Why? Why? Why?

    Each question you ask will bring you closer to understanding, or even challenging, the world you live in. They will also bring you a deeper understanding of yourself.

    I encourage you to ask new questions every single day. Keep a commonplace book where you can jot down interesting questions or observations.  Find a little shelf in your mind to set all of your questions, and don’t let that shelf get dusty. Visit it regularly.

    Be curious. Fill your mind with wonder. Don’t settle for the status quo. Ask questions even if you are the only one who is. Challenge “the way things have always been done.”

    Question if things really make sense the way they are. Then ask yourself if you can change them.

    First ask why.

    Then…..ask how.

     

    Image by:
    Ratiu Bia

  • 8 Great Summer Reads for Kids – 2017

    8 Great Summer Reads for Kids – 2017

    One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was a love of reading. When I was a kid, we didn’t have air conditioning, so we would spend a lot of time enjoying the air conditioning at our local library. I would walk in looking for relief and walk out with a bag filled with over 20 books.

    And I would devour them.

    When I heard my daughter read for the first time, my face lit up and I said to her, “the entire world just opened up to you. You can now learn about ANYTHING.” Teaching your child to love learning begins by finding books that they get excited about. I put together this list of books that we treasure in our home and that I hope will help your kids to make their summer (and the rest of their lives) a bit more magical.

    Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone  – J.K. Rowling

    If your child hasn’t been introduced to the Harry Potter series, summer is a great time to start. Many kids grow a lifelong interest in reading that begins by getting to know one young wizard. If you read a chapter a night, you will have magic in your home for the rest of the summer.

     

     

     

    Wonder – R.J. Palacio 

    “He’s just a kid. The weirdest-looking kid I’ve ever seen, yes. But just a kid.”

    What a beautiful story about the struggles that all kids go through. It’s a story of judgement and kindness, cruelty and friendship. It’s a story about every kid just wanting to be a kid.

    Kids are so frequently compared to each other. This book reminds us to accept every person exactly as they are and to understand that underneath every mask, beautiful or not, is a kid…just a kid

     

    Ada Twist, Scientist – Andrea Beaty

    If you are a fan of Rosie Revere, Engineer (which is one of my favorite kids books ever), then you will want to get the latest book in the series that encourages kids to grow their interest in STEM. In this book Ada Twist uses science to solve problems and learn about her world. I can’t recommend this series of books strongly enough. I adore them.

     

    Where the Sidewalk Ends – Shel Silverstein

    Is it possible that someone you’ve never met can change your life forever? In the case of Shel Silverstein, I would answer with a resounding yes. I was given a copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends when I was a kid and it was the spark that turned me into a writer. I would read and read and read all of his books. If your kids haven’t been introduced to him yet, I encourage you to give him a try.

     

     

    Hidden Figures, Young Readers Edition – Margot Lee Shetterly

    You and your kids may have seen Hidden Figures, the movie. If you did, you know how inspiring the movie is. If you want to keep the discussion going, this book is a great way to keep talking about the important impact that African-American women had on our space program.

     

     

    The Boxcar Children – Gertrude Chandler Warner

    Sometimes it’s great to curl up with a classic during the summer slowdown. The Boxcar Children books are a great way to build a love of reading. Your kids will be learning and growing without even knowing it as they flip through the pages of these wonderful stories.

     

     

    Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library – Chris Grabenstein

    If your kids like puzzles or books or mysteries, this is a fun read. A group of kids are locked in a library and need to solve puzzles in order to win a contest. It’s a little like a modern day Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with all the fun elements that make kids want to read “just one more chapter.”

     

     

    The Magic Tree House – Mary Pope Osborne

    I’m going to end my list with the greatest selling children’s books of all time. We never get tired of climbing up into the magic tree house to see where we will travel next. There are tons of books in the series, so just pick one and go on a summer vacation without ever leaving your home. These books are treasures.

     

     

     

    Image credit:
    Mi PHAM

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  • A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    The end of the school year is approaching and while I enjoy going through end of the year papers and reflecting back on the growth that happened over the past 9 months, I also look forward to my annual end-of-school tradition.

    Step 1

    Head over to your local bookstore or Amazon and get a copy of Oh! The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. If you are unfamiliar with it, it’s a wonderful book about looking towards the future and beginning a new adventure. The best time to buy this book is before your child finishes kindergarten. The second best time is right now.

    Step 2

    As the school year winds down, drop the book at school for your child’s teacher along with a note asking them to write their insights about your child’s talents or personality and some well wishes.

    Step 3

    Store it in a safe place so that you can find it again next year.

    Step 4

    Wrap it up and give it to your child at their high school graduation. It’s amazing to look at the notes throughout the years and see the many consistencies about their personality and gifts.

     

    As kids become adults, it can be easy to lose touch with the foundation of who they are. Looking back at these comments can jolt them back to the child they once were.

    I have been doing this for my daughter since she was in preschool and it’s astounding how similar the comments are. When she turns 18 and is ready to head out and blaze her own path, I hope this serves as a constant reminder of all the places she can go if she remembers who she always was and who she is meant to be.

    “You have brains in your head you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” – Dr. Seuss

  • You Are Not Your Biggest Mistake

    You Are Not Your Biggest Mistake

    As you go through life, you will make many small mistakes and you will make some very, very big ones.

    Don’t let the big ones define you.

    Let them teach you.

    Let them change you.

    Let them humble you.

    Let them anger you.

    But don’t let them define you.

    If every person on earth had to introduce themselves, but declaring their biggest personal failure, we wouldn’t trust anyone.

    One day, you will make a huge mistake. It will happen. It happens to everyone. I ask that you treat yourself with the same sense of compassion that you provide others. Be upset with yourself, fix it, forgive yourself and move on.

    And believe with all of your heart that you are so more than your greatest failure.

     

    Image: Sarah Briovon

  • How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    How to Fight Your Lizard Brain

    When I wake up in the morning, my goal is always to have the best day possible. I want to tackle my to-do list, be kind to everyone I meet and be a productive member of society.

    I fail every day. And that’s ok.

    In school, you are rated on a scale every day so that we have an idea of how well you followed directions. Last year you would receive a red, yellow or green. This year you receive a number 1-4 (4 being best.) There are some weeks where you get all 3’s and 4’s. Go you! There are also weeks where you get all 2’s. Big bummer.

    Don’t beat yourself up over. Life just happens that way sometimes.

    Our expectation of you is that every morning when you walk into that classroom, you will try your best to get a 3 or 4. Every single day.

    And one other thing: our expectation is that you you won’t do great every day.

    Why? Because we don’t.

    Sometimes I try really hard to get something done and I just can’t. Sometimes the weather puts me in a foul mood. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I snap at someone who doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes I’m just lazy for no reason. But MOST of the time, I get a 3 or a 4.

    Deep inside of our heads, we have what’s called the “lizard brain.” It’s the oldest part of our brain and it controls our survival instinct. This is where “fight or flight” lives. This part of our body was designed to keep us alive. It will remind you repeatedly of all of the things that you did wrong today. It likes to beat you up and show you what you failed at. It does this because it wants you to survive.

    You can do 99 things correct and the lizard brain will point out the one thing that you messed up. And you will beat yourself up over it. The lizard brain needs you to focus on that mistake because it wants to ensure that you never make that mistake again. It wants you to survive rather than get eaten by a wolf.

    The wolves aren’t going to eat you if you get a 2. I know, because I’ve had difficult days and lived to tell about them.

    You are not a number. Your worth isn’t boiled down to a sliding scale.

    You didn’t finish your math, but you did comfort a friend who was sad.

    You talked during the assembly, but you also sang proudly during music class.

    You forgot your backpack, but you didn’t forget to tell me that you love me.

    Life isn’t a scorecard. It’s about trying your best every day and picking yourself up when you fall.

    And you will fall. Again. And again. And again.

    But you will pick yourself up and you will get stronger. And stronger. And stronger.

    The sun shines brightly 365 days a year, but sometimes clouds will cover it up and try to trick you into thinking that the sun isn’t shining.

    But it is.

    It always is.

    When the sun creeps into your room tomorrow morning, get dressed and prepare for a 3 or a 4, but if the clouds move in, remind yourself that the wind will blow them away just as easily as it carried them here.

     

    Image: sabertasche2 on Flickr

  • Let the Ripple Reflect the Rock

    Let the Ripple Reflect the Rock

    The world is an imperfect place. I can assure you, without a doubt, that things will often not go your way. You will hit every red light when you are running late. Christmas dinner will be burnt. Someone will lie to you. You will oversleep.

    When things go wrong, remember to let the ripple reflect the rock.

    When you toss rocks into a pond, the water responds to the size of the rock. Perfectly. Every time. If you throw a huge rock, the ripples will go on for a long time, but if you throw a pebble in, it’s barely a blip.

    When the dog has an accident on the wood floors, just clean it up and move on. Screaming about it really isn’t going to change anything. It’s an easy fix and the dog is completely over it by the time you’ve made the discovery. Fix it and be done. Let the ripple reflect the rock.

    Small things will happen to you every day. Respond to them and get on with it. It’s not natural to let a small frustration continue to make ripples for hours afterward. It’s not how nature works.

    Bad things do happen, but most things are just not bad enough for the huge ripples you are creating in your life.

    You create those ripples, not nature.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the ripples will be huge. When you see injustice, toss in a big rock. When someone you love is hurting, the ripples will linger.

    Make small waves and big ones. Just make sure that the ripples actually reflect the rock

    Image by cotaro70s

     

  • 6 Reasons to Celebrate Failure

    6 Reasons to Celebrate Failure

    Failure gets a bad rap. It’s the opposite of success, right? You either win or lose. It’s black or white.

    Not around here. We celebrate failure. This is why:

    Failure means that you tried something new

    If you are always doing things that you are great at, chances are you are not trying new things. You don’t jump on a bike and ride around the block right away. You fall down a few times (maybe more than a few times). Doing new things can be both scary and exciting. Try them anyway. You may find something that you hate or something that becomes a lifelong passion. Either way, try new things.

    Failure teaches you what you are doing wrong

    Mistakes provide you with information that leads you along a path to solve problems. If you are trying to write code, you try something, look a the website and see if what you did worked or if it didn’t. Each time you try something that doesn’t work, you have eliminated an option. You are getting closer to success. There is a great quote from Thomas Edison where he says, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Finding what doesn’t work gets you one step closer to what does.

    Failure breeds success

    People who fail are among the most successful. Why? Because failure makes you better. Successful people tend to have far more failures than successes, but we pay attention to the things they succeed at.

    “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan.

    Take the shot. The thrill of succeeding far outshines the pain of the failures.

    Failure is a reality check

    It feels awful to fail at something. It’s frustrating and possibly even embarrassing. But it keeps us human and is a reminder that we are not better than anyone else. Everyone fails. Everyone. Failing teaches us that we are imperfect. All of us.

    Failure gives you focus

    There are an unlimited number of things that you can do in life. Imagine if you were exceptional at every single one of them. How would you choose? Failure helps us to eliminate the things that we are weaker at so that we can gift the world with our true talents. Find the things that you excel at and grow those abilities.

    Failure breeds community

    Since we are not great at everything, we are reliant upon the gifts of others to help us get through life. My lack of sewing skills provides the income for someone who is gifted in sewing. My weaknesses are someone else’s strengths. Together, we can be great at everything. Find people that you can gift your talents to and allow them to fill in for your weaknesses.

    Yes. In our home we celebrate failure. We get excited when you fall off your bike or decide that you don’t like soccer. Every time you fail, you are learning something about yourself and self discovery is definitely worth celebrating!

     

    Image by Tomasz Stasiuk