Advice for My Daughter

Category: Determination

  • You are a Warrior

    You are a Warrior

    Life is exciting, colorful, and yes, difficult. Just when you think you’ve got everything under control, an obstacle will write itself into your perfectly planned story.

    Friends will let you down. Companies will let you go. Illness will creep its way under your skin and threaten you in ways you never knew possible.

    But you will rise to the occasion. Because you are a warrior.

    A warrior isn’t necessarily a winner. There will be times that your fight leaves you in a puddle of tears and shaking with exhaustion.

    And you will rise up to fight another day. Losing a fight doesn’t mean you’ve lost the war.

    Some battles you will win with ease. I hope these wins are plentiful and joyful. But your character will grow the most in the battles that you lose.

    Sometimes you’ll win. Sometimes you’ll learn. And there’s a lesson in every loss. Dig deep and find that lesson.

    What may surprise you is that some of the greatest challenges you’ll come across won’t be from friends, family, or colleagues. Your biggest adversary is often yourself.

    Inside your head, there is a whirlwind spinning around. It’s a tornado filled with ideas, to-do lists, and worries. And deep in the center of that storm is a voice that is telling you to give up. It tells you not to take the risk, not to make the change, not to follow the path that you want so desperately to follow.

    This voice is your greatest enemy and the hardest challenger to conquer. It will give you a million logical reasons why you should be safe, why you should not forge your own path, why you should stick with the crowd.

    Fighting this voice is what separates the passive participants from the ultimate warriors. Warriors don’t put on sneakers and walk down the paved path. They lace up their hiking boots, rip down barriers, and bring a first aid kit to patch themselves up along the way.

    Listen to your heart. Listen to the butterflies in your stomach. Listen to the tiny little voice that is whispering quietly to you to do something different. Stay with the struggle. Fight through the explosion of voices in your head that are telling you that you are too average, too inexperienced or too whatever else that you aren’t.

    Straighten your spine and rise up.

    Fight for the you that your five year old self wanted to grow up to be. She’s never stopped believing in you.

    You are a unique combination of experiences, skills and emotions. Don’t silence the whisper in your head. Turn down the volume of the detractors so that your true voice can be heard.

    Be difficult. Challenge norms. Question the status quo. Cause a ruckus. Have guts for miles.

    Be a warrior.

    Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

  • Superheroes Wear Yoga Pants

    Superheroes Wear Yoga Pants

    I’d like to tell you a story about a little girl.

    When my daughter was about two years old, we were at Target when she needed to use the restroom. She didn’t know which was the girl’s and which was the boy’s. So I looked at her and said the obvious thing, the women’s restroom is the one with the person wearing the superhero cape. And she has never known it any other way.

    Image: ItWasNeveraDress.com

    I know that all women are superheroes because I happen to have been raised by one. Now I’d like to present evidence that my mother was a superhero, and further that you are a superhero as well.

    Let’s start with the definition of a superhero:

    My mother was not in any comic books, but she definitely has extraordinary and magical powers and I would argue that you do too.

    Let’s take a look at some the powers of the most popular superheroes.

    Spiderman’s skills include web-slinging, wall-crawling, and spider sense.

    It shouldn’t come as any surprise that my mother was not slinging webs or crawling walls (well, she probably WAS crawling the walls at times, but not literally.) And spider sense? The ability to sense that something is wrong before anyone else can tell? I’m pretty sure that most moms have that!

    Superman has flight, super strength, and super speed, such as the ability to chase down a train.

    When my mom was 70 years old, she took a train to visit me in another state. As soon as she got off of the train, she realized that she had forgotten her purse. So she did what any 70 year old would do, she proceeded to chase down the train! That Amtrak came to a screeching halt, she walked on, casually picked up her purse, and received a round of applause from the passengers.

    Take that, Superman!

    While there is a little bit of Spiderman and Superman in each of us, Batman is the superhero that I really want to focus on.

    Why?

    Because Batman doesn’t actually have any super powers. He relies on genius, physical prowess, intimidation and indomitable will to rise to superhero status.

    And this is something that you can do as well. I know you can.

    Take a look around you. Superheroes are everywhere…and many of them are wearing yoga pants.

    It’s possible that you have great genius or physical prowess or intimidation by the mile, but the one thing that I know you have, is an indomitable will.

    I know, because I saw you at the checkout, calming a crying baby while opening up your rewards app, and never forgetting to say thank you to the lovely cashier.

    I know because I saw you do a killer presentation to the entire marketing team after being up all night with your baby with a 103 degree fever.

    I know because you told me that last night you were doing your taxes while cooking dinner, doing laundry, and checking in on homework. Then you put the kids to bed, ordered birthday gifts online, paid bills, and squeezed in a workout.

    I know you are a superhero, because you are unstoppable.

    You don’t even realize that you have powers that not everyone has.

    You may have the ability to listen compassionately where others walk away.

    You may have the ability to get four hours of work done in just one.

    You may have the gift of healing others bodies or minds.

    You may have the gift of patience.

    I don’t know what your gift is, but I do know that you have one. And you are amazing.

    And when we take your gifts, my gifts, and everyone else’s and we all work together, we can make huge change in our families, our communities, our country, and our planet.

    And we can do it all….in our yoga pants.

    The perfect t-shirt to celebrate your inner superhero. Consider it a modern-day cape.

    Available in 8 sizes and 8 colors, because every superhero is unique.

    Click here to shop.

    Photo by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash

  • Climb the Steepest Mountain

    Climb the Steepest Mountain

    There are times in life when you are tired and you want to go for a leisurely walk. You want to relax and take in the scenery and just enjoy the moment.

    There are other times when you need to strive to be the very best you.

    During these times, I encourage you not to take the leisurely path, but to find the steepest mountain you can climb, and get moving.

    This image perfectly demonstrates that risks and reward associated with different paths.

    Path 1:

    Path one offers a good climb. You’ll put in work, get a little winded, and end up at a higher point than when you started. It will offer some challenges, but for the most part, it’s not going to be very difficult for you. You hike to the top, meeting quite a few people on the way who are doing the same, and you’ll get a nice view.

    Path 2:

    Path two is hard. It will require a lot of preparation, be littered with challenges and risks, and you’ll be going it alone. You’ll be going to a place that very few dare to go. But when you reach the top, you will have done things that few people have done and see things that few people have ever seen.

    I challenge you to take the second path at least a few times in your life.

    You can set your sights on a comfy desk job where you can make a decent living, get a few weeks of vacation, and work your way up the corporate ladder. When you reach the top of that ladder, the views will be pretty good, but you will ultimately feel less than exhilarated.

    Or you can walk a little further and climb up the bigger mountain. You aren’t prepared to climb it. You never will be. It’s just one of those mountains that you have to figure out as you go. There is no straight path up this mountain because nobody else has gone here before. The path is winding, but not aimless. You determine the path because nobody else has worn one down for you. You are on new ground.

    This mountain forces you to learn your own personal strengths and weaknesses. It forces you to be creative. It can also take a very, very long time to reach the top

    The steeper the incline, the higher the summit, and my goodness, the views are spectacular.

    Rather than focusing on a destination, focus on a path. The steeper the incline, the more challenging the learning curve, the more you get that nervous pit in your stomach, the more you KNOW that the view at the summit will be amazing.

    Your life doesn’t need to be filled with Matterhorn’s and Everest’s, but it also doesn’t need to be one long, boring stroll either. Mix it up. Strap in for a rough ride. Go to sleep exhausted because you learned so much. Forge your own path rather than always walking the well one, blindly following the footprints of someone else who has been here before.

    And when you get to the top, pull out your phone and snap a photo that nobody else has ever snapped.

    Commit to the struggle so you can bask in the sunshine at the top. The views up here are absolutely spectacular.

    Climb on.

    Photo by Dylan Siebelink on Unsplash

  • Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Two weeks ago, I was playing outside with my daughter in the 70 degree weather.

    Last week, we watched the snow fall.

    And today, we listened to birds and chased ladybugs.

    Spring does not arrive easily. It introduces itself in fits and spurts. It bravely says hello and then runs away to hide in the shadows for a bit longer.

    We all know that it will eventually arrive, but why does it have to be so fickle?

    We want to wake up on the first day of spring and dance around the yard like Snow White. We don’t want storm clouds or snow or bitter, bitter cold. But spring arrives on it’s own schedule. Many of the best things in life do.

    It arrives when it is ready to arrive…and even then, it still may regress.

    When my daughter asked me why spring was so crazy, I explained to her that in life, things often get better, then worse, then better, then worse. But eventually…one day…they stick.

    Spring will take off its shoes and get comfortable. It will settle in for a nice long stay. The birds will build their nests, just like they do every year. The dull grass will paint itself green. The rabbits will quickly say hello before running off to destroy your garden.

    It will happen. It will. But it could be bumpy for a little while, just like life.

    One day we feel like we have our finances under control, and then a big medical bill arrives.

    One day we feel like our marriage is so, so good, and then life happens and we start finding fault with everything from how the clothes are folded to the condition of the junk drawer.

    One day we work out for sixty minutes feel like Wonder Woman and the next we are looking at the clock before the warmup is even over.

    We progress. Then we regress.

    It’s the rhythm of life. Two steps forward. One step back.

    But spring will come. It always does. Go ahead and paint your toenails now. The storm is just about over.

    It’s time to celebrate the silly season.

     

    Photo by
    Allef Vinicius

  • Start with Yes

    Start with Yes

    Life can get boring very quickly if you let it. Routines wiggle their way into your life and before you know it, your daily groove has dug itself into a trench. And there you are. Stuck in the mud.

    Why Start with Yes?

    An easy way to start filling that trench is to start with yes.

    Starting with yes doesn’t mean committing to every opportunity that comes your way. That is a guaranteed recipe for overwhelm. Instead, I encourage you to START with yes. To ask yourself “what if?” Embrace the possibility of the yes.

    Then, find arguments to change that yes to a no.

    Reasons to Say No

    Typically, when presented with new ideas, our instinct is to resist it.

    “For individuals’ behavior to change, you’ve got to influence not only their environment but their hearts and minds. The problem is this: Often the heart and mind disagree. Fervently.” – Chip Heath and Dan Heath,  Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard

    Why go to a new vacation spot, when you’ve already found a spot that you love?

    Why try something completely different in your business when you already know what “works?”

    Why separate yourself from the crowd, when it’s easier to just fall in line?

    In his book, The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris Guillebeau put together a list of eleven ways to be remarkably average.

    1. Accept what people tell you at face value.
    2. Don’t question authority.
    3. Go to college because you’re supposed to, not because you want to learn something.
    4. Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England.
    5. Don’t try to learn another language; everyone else will eventually learn English.
    6. Think about starting your own business, but never do it.
    7. Think about writing a book, but never do it.
    8. Get the largest mortgage you qualify for and spend 30 years paying for it.
    9. Sit at a desk 40 hours a week for an average of 10 hours of productive work.
    10. Don’t stand out or draw attention to yourself.
    11. Jump through hoops. Check off boxes.

    That’s what life looks like when you start with no.

    No, I can’t start my own business. It’s too risky.

    No, we can’t run our business in a radically different way than our competitors. We need to be like everyone else.

    No, I can’t create my own life. I need to follow the proven path to mediocrity.

    But What If…..

    What if you chose to just try? Nothing radical….just one small yes.

    You don’t have to follow through with it (yet), you just have to consider it.

    What if you commit to spending one hour a week to your art?

    What if you just try something that other businesses like yours aren’t doing?

    What if you start with yes?

    You are the person you are today because of the choices you made yesterday. If you want to create a new life for yourself, it’s impossible to get there by making the same choices every day.

    And the divot turns into a rut that turns into a swamp.

    Make “No” Present Its Case

    When life presents you with a new opportunity, the easiest thing in the world is to say no. It’s safe. It’s comfortable. You know this path like the back of your hand. You’ve got this.

    Next time, just give yes a fair shake. Start with yes and present arguments on why you should say no.

    Let’s pretend that someone has just proposed a business opportunity that sounds amazing.

    This is what it looks like to start with No:

    • I can’t.
    • I don’t have the time.
    • I’ve never done that before.
    • My life is good right now. I don’t want to risk anything.
    • I would have no idea what to do.
    • No, thanks.

    This is what it looks like to start with Yes:

    • I can do this.
    • If I wake up one hour earlier, I can easily dedicate 365 hours this year
    • I’ve never done that before, but it would be fun.
    • My life is good right now. I’d love to make it even better.
    • I need to start learning more so I can start off on the right foot.
    • Yes. Let’s do it!

    Starting with Yes, May Still End with No

    Starting with yes doesn’t actually mean yes. It means, yes…I’m going to give this reasonable thought. I’m going to dream first and rationalize later. I’m going to consider every opportunity before I toss it away.

    “We don’t tell ourselves, ‘I’m never going to write my symphony.’ Instead we say, “I am going to write my symphony; I’m just going to start tomorrow.’” – Steven Pressfield and Shawn Coyne, The War of Art

    You don’t have to write your symphony. But I encourage you to first consider what it would feel like to put in the work and then to accomplish that goal. You don’t have to say yes right away, but please don’t blurt out “no!”

    Start with yes.

     

    Image by:
    Annie Spratt

  • Do Something Small Today

    Do Something Small Today

    Imagine waking up in the morning and deciding that today is the day you will change the world…or change your life…or flip the script that you’ve been following.

    You can.

    You can start right now, but it might not look as impressive as waking up at 7:00am and by 10:00pm life has changed dramatically. That’s not how big change happens.

    Big change starts by waking up 30 minutes earlier to work on your passion project.

    Big change starts by choosing not to gossip anymore.

    Big change starts with small change.

    The best way to do something big tomorrow is to do something small today. Then do something small tomorrow. Then do something small the next day.

     

    The goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to be better today than you were yesterday.

    In her wonderful book, “The Gifts of Imperfection,” Brene Brown says, “Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.”

    Don’t shoot for perfect. Shoot for better. Everyone can do better. Doing better every day can lead to extraordinary change.

    As an example, if I gave you the choice of accepting a check for $1 million dollars today or taking a penny on day one and I would double it every day, the better option is to take the penny and watch it double over and over. At the end of 30 days, you would have $5,368,709.12.

    Day 1: $.01

    Day 2: $.02

    Day 3: $.04

    Day 4: $.08

    Day 5: $.16

    Day 6: .32

    Day 7: $.64

    Day 8: $1.28

    Day 9: $2.56

    Day 10: $5.12

    Day 11: $10.24

    Day 12: $20.48

    Day 13: $40.96

    Day 14: $81.92

    Day 15: $163.84

    Day 16: $327.68

    Day 17: $655.36

    Day 18: $1,310.72

    Day 19: $2,621.44

    Day 20: $5,242.88

    Day 21: $10,485.76

    Day 22: $20,971.52

    Day 23: $41,943.04

    Day 24: $83,886.08

    Day 25: $167,772.16

    Day 26: $335,544.32

    Day 27: $671,088.64

    Day 28: $1,342,177.28

    Day 29: $2,684,354.56

    Day 30: $5,368,709.12

    That’s what happens when small change begins compounding. You may not be able to bench press 125 pounds on day one, but if you start low and increase the weight a little bit every day, you will get to the point where lifting 150 pounds will be easy for you.

    It’s not going to happen tomorrow, but the process of getting there can absolutely start the minute you do you first bench press.

    A book begins with a chapter. A chapter begins with a sentence. A sentence begins with a word.

    No book is ever written without that first word.

    “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” —Aristotle

     

    Don’t set your sights on being something. Instead, set a goal to DO something. The being always comes after the doing.

    Read one chapter a day.

    Run one block a day.

    Eat one good meal a day.

    Drink one extra glass of water a day.

    Do one small thing today. Then do another tomorrow. Then do another the next day.

    Then watch your small changes turn into the big change you desire.

    Image by:

    Eric Ward

    Note: My website may contain affiliate marketing links, which means I may get paid commission on sales of those products or services I write about. My editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. This disclosure is provided in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR § 255.5: Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

  • Bravery Doesn’t Always Feel Good. Be Brave Anyway.

    Bravery Doesn’t Always Feel Good. Be Brave Anyway.

    When we think about being brave, powerful images of Wonder Woman or firefighters often pop in our head. We imagine strength, confidence and fearlessness.

    Those perceptions are sometimes true, but in my experience, more often than not, bravery is terrifying.

    Bravery is standing up for someone who is being made fun of on the subway. And it’s scary.

    Bravery is speaking in front of a large group of people when your hands are sweating and your voice shakes.

    Bravery is not laughing at a cruel joke when everyone at the table is laughing.

    Bravery doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach.

    Be brave anyway.

    When you are faced with a difficult choice, the easy way out is to say nothing, do nothing, or just blend in. And many times in your life, you’ll choose this option. None of us have the time or the energy to fight every single battle that comes our way. Sometimes we need to “be like water” and conform to our current situation. But every once in a while, something strikes a nerve and we can’t sit quietly. We have to speak up because the idea of doing nothing is more frightening than the potential result of standing up.

    So that leaves us with the question of when to be brave and went to just let something go.

    I don’t have the answer to that, but if you listen to your gut and your heart, it will probably steer you in the right direction.

    Bravery isn’t always glamourous. You may be laughed at,  picked on, or you may try something new and fail. You aren’t always going to be praised or commended for your courageous act.

    Be brave anyway.

    Be brave when:

    • Faced with uncertainty
    • Defending those whose voices are smaller than yours
    • You want to tell the truth and it’s easier to lie
    • You have something important to say, but you are afraid you’ll be judged
    • “Everyone” is doing something one way and you wan’t to do it differently
    • You are trying something new for the first time
    • You need to say no to something that your friends are saying yes to
    • You need to ask for help
    • You have a crazy idea and you’re afraid of being laughed at
    • You have to go see a doctor about a health concern
    • You need to leave a bad relationship
    • You dress, act, or think differently than everyone else in the room
    • You change your mind
    • You have absolutely no idea how you are going to be brave

    There is no Wonder Woman. Superheroes don’t exist. Fearlessness is ignorance.

    Don’t be fearless. Have fear.

    But be brave anyway.

     

  • New Year, New Yearly Theme

    New Year, New Yearly Theme

    At the start of each year, I choose a word that I want to define it.

    Last year that word was “Learn.”

    I read 130 books covering dozens of different genres. I read over 50 blogs. I listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts. I spent every spare minute that I had learning. And learn I did.

    It’s a new year so I have chosen a new theme: “work.”

    I haven’t stopped reading entirely, but I have have slowed down dramatically. I’ve also changed the focus of my reading. Instead of reading a variety of books, I am focusing on business and self improvement. Whatever I read needs to provide actionable ideas that I can incorporate into my theme of “work.”

    I like the idea of a theme rather than making resolutions. A theme can wrap around everything you do like a cozy blanket. You can incorporate it into your hobbies, your work, and your vacations.

    Think of what you want your life to look like one year from now and choose a theme that will help you get there. Here are some ideas:

    • Play
    • Give
    • Rest
    • Health
    • Relationships
    • Travel
    • Laugh
    • Calm
    • Simple
    • Music

    I’m sure there are many more words, but those can get you started. Wrapping a theme around your year can give you a wonderful sense of purpose and accomplishment. It’s much easier to make decisions because you constantly ask yourself if they fit within your theme.

    Decide what you want life to look like. Choose your theme. And go live your best life!

     

    Image: Caroline

  • The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The holiday season is over and decorations are coming down. When we do this, we usually talk about how much fun we had and we reflect on the meaning of our ornaments as we take them off the tree. Special Christmas cards are dated and stored in a box, cookie tins are packed away and the stockings come off the fireplace.

    But we don’t put the stockings away just yet.

    Every year, we sit down at the table with a small piece of paper and write down one thing that we want to achieve by next year and we slip it into each of our stockings. Then we pack up the stockings and store the decorations until next year.

    This one small tradition gives us a reminder that we have one year to turn a dream into a reality. Putting the note in our stocking is providing us with an endpoint.

    Next year, when we pull out the decorations, we will notice that there is something in our stockings and pull out the notes. This gives us a chance to talk about our year and how far we’ve come and shows us that we can make our dreams come true year round.

     

    Image: :Salihan

  • Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    When the clock strikes midnight, a new year begins. It’s an amazing feeling to have a shiny new year laid out in front of you. The year is a clean slate, so it feels as if you can conquer the world.

    And you can. You absolutely can.

    But not with resolutions.

    When you make a resolution, you are making an absolute decision to do or not do something. You are making a vow to be perfect for the next 365 days. There is no room for error with resolutions. You either do it or you don’t. No mistakes allowed.

    Don’t do that to yourself. The world isn’t black or white. It is gray…and red…and electric orange.

    8,760

    That’s how many hours you have this year to work with. Rather than making resolutions, set goals. Rather than vowing to do something, make a plan.

    When you set a goal, you are saying that, by the end of the year you will accomplish something. Some days will be fantastic and some will be awful, but each day you will be making progress toward your goal.

    Goals are about progressGoals leave room for life to happen. If you have a rough week, it’s ok because you can make it up next week. If you are feeling motivated, you can make a big leap.

    Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.

    “Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.” (tweet this)

     

    In the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, habit two is “start with the end in mind.” First determine where you want to be in one year, then go backwards to determine how to get there. *

    Last year I set a goal of reading 120 books. That was the endpoint. In order to accomplish that, I broke it down into achievable pieces:

    120 books a year = 10 books a month = 2-3 books per week

    Each week, I would make sure that I was reading 2-3 books and my goal was easily met.

    You can achieve anything. You really can. Every day and every hour you are given is a chance to get closer to your dreams.

    Use that time wisely, but don’t live in black and white. Set your goals and then see your life for what it really can be…in all its vivid color!

     

    Image: Susana Fernandez

    * This post contains an Amazon affiliate link. If you click on it, I will receive a small bit of income.