Advice for My Daughter

Category: Self

  • There is No Perfect. Seriously. There Isn’t.

    There is No Perfect. Seriously. There Isn’t.

    One quick Google search and you can see that there is a bit of an obsession around being perfect.

    It’s a lofty goal.

    It’s also absurd.

    Because there is no perfect. And even if there was, it’s like choosing plastic utensils over antique silver.

    Perfection is an ideal, but it isn’t a reality. It’s much healthier to remove the word “perfect” entirely and replace it with powerful, obtainable goals.

    Instead of a perfect body, work towards a healthy body.

    Instead of a perfect job, find a challenging job where you can grow.

    Instead of seeking out perfect friends, find some super loyal ones.

    The Japanese tradition of wabi-sabi focuses on an acceptance of imperfection and finding beauty within that imperfection.

    Wabi-sabi is the wood floors in your living room with scratches on them from your much loved dog. It’s the wrinkles on your grandmother’s face from years of smiling. It’s the random flower sprouting in a field of weeds. It’s the scar on your leg from the surgery that saved your life.

    Stories are found in the imperfections. A glossy magazine will never hold a candle to a well-worn book. A new pair of jeans will never feel as good as the faded pair with the frayed hem.

    Perfection is a mirage. We tell ourselves that it exists, but it really doesn’t. And even if it did, it would be hugely overrated.

    Embrace your crooked smile, your almost perfect test score and your chipped windshield.

    Devour your slightly burnt omelette.

    Frame your “not even close to Monet” artwork.

    Throw on some sandals and let your crooked toes free.

    You are unique.

    You are one of a kind.

    And you are a million times better than perfect.

  • Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    The other day you said those eleven magical words that can absolutely make a mother melt:

    “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

    What more could a mother wish for than for her daughter to look up to her in such a way, that she dreams of one day being just like her?

    I believe there is an even better wish. I hope that when you grow up, you are just like YOU.

    Each of us was created with a unique combination of characteristics, gifts and passions. The mold is made….and broken. The recipe for “you” isn’t one that can be repeated.

    You have strengths that I don’t have and passions that are different than mine. And I’ve never, ever met anyone who is just like you.

    So be that.

    Be it 100%. Be you with all of your flaws and all of your uniqueness.

    Be you when it helps you fit in.

    Be you when it makes you stand out.

    Be you when the world is telling you to be them.

    Be you when you are telling yourself to be me.

    I won’t agree with all of your choices, I’m sure of that, but they are YOUR choices.

    My job as your mother is to give you guidance and values and then to send you off into the world and trust that I did my best.

    Your job is to share your special gifts with passion and conviction.

    It makes my heart happy to know that you look up to me and that I can be a guide for you in this, sometimes overwhelming, world. I’ll be your safety and your home. You can trust me 100% with every crazy idea you may come up with. I’ll stand alongside you when life gets messy and confusing.

    And I’ll watch you learn what it means to be you. To really, really be you.

    There is a catch though. It may take a while to figure out exactly who “you” is, and the journey can be full of mistakes and discomfort.

     

    You’ll choose the wrong friends, the wrong career, or the wrong attitude. You’ll try one thing on and decide if it suits you or not. This process doesn’t take years, it takes decades.

    But you’ll get there.

    You will find out who you really are and it will feel like slipping on a cozy pair of pajamas.

    And they will be YOUR pajamas. Not mine.

    And you will be spectacular.

    Because you will finally have discovered YOU.

  • What it Means to Love

    What it Means to Love

    Love.

    It’s a word that is used in a number of ways.

    I love ice cream.

    I love grandma.

    Same word. Very different meanings.

    There are many things and people that you will come to love throughout your lifetime. Some you will love simply, like the feel of warm breeze coming off the ocean. Others will be so deep that your breath will catch when thinking about them, like the love of your child. Most types of love fall somewhere in the middle.

    There is one type of love that isn’t talked about much, but I believe it is one of the most important: loving yourself.

    Loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with being selfish. They don’t mean the same thing. Selfishness is the lack of consideration for others. Selfishness means being overly or excessively concerned with ones self.

    When you are selfish, you put your own concerns above those of others.

    When you are loving to yourself, you put your own concerns on par with those of others.

    I want you to love yourself as much as you love anyone. Not less. Not more.

    Take care of yourself just as fiercely as you would take care of a parent, child or family member. People will come in and out of your life and you will love many of them. But always remember that there is one person who will always be with you.

    Yourself.

    Be kind, not critical.

    Be forgiving, not cruel.

    Be patient, not demanding.

    Be a nurse, a friend, a counselor, a coach, and a defender to yourself. Only say to yourself those things that you would say to your best friend.

    Because you are.

    Life can be hard, but it can be amazing too.

    Cry with yourself.

    Laugh with yourself.

    Dance with yourself.

    Praise yourself.

    Be the best friend that you’ve ever had…and you’ll have a best friend forever.

     

     

  • Expand Your Greatness Outward

    Expand Your Greatness Outward

    The term “ego” is often used when referring to someone who is self-centered or self-focused. There is, however, a different way of looking at it.

    The ego represents the self and how you distinguish yourself from other people. All of us are distinct and all of us have unique talents. I prefer to think of ego as “Expanding Greatness Outward.”

    Your talents are a gift. Don’t hide them. Don’t minimize them.

    Celebrate the abilities that you have been given by sharing them with others.

    Teach.

    If you write, write regularly so others can learn from you.

    If you are joyful, pick other people up when they are sad or lonely.

    If you are good at finances, help those who aren’t.

    If you know something that someone else doesn’t, tell them. Don’t squander your knowledge.

    And don’t ever, ever, ever hide your abilities.

    Discover what makes you unique and sprinkle a little bit of it everywhere you go. Honor your talents by sharing them with others.

    Expand your greatness outward.

  • Be Unmistakable

    Be Unmistakable

    Being unmistakable isn’t the same as being flashy or extroverted or the life of the party. It means to be one hundred percent you.

    Every. Single. Time.

    We are each created with our own blueprint and, yes, there is only one blueprint of you. There may be some imitations. Some people could attempt to copy and paste. There is, however, just one original.

    When you are your true self (flaws and all), you cannot be mistaken for anyone else.

    Be unmistakableBe creative.
    Be silly.
    Be clumsy.
    Be affectionate.
    Be very, very talkative.
    Be great at art.
    Be not as great at sports.
    Be giving.
    Be curious.
    Be disorganized.
    Be a good friend.
    Be besties with Grandma.
    Be a rock collector.
    Be a cheetah.
    Be friendly.
    Be a night owl.
    Be a risk taker.
    Be kind.
    Be passionate about what you love.
    Be ridiculous.
    Be you.

    Be unmistakable.

     

    Image by Niccolò Caranti

     

  • Advice [From] My Daughter | 01

    Advice [From] My Daughter | 01

    I asked my daughter what I should write about. She offered this piece of advice:

     

                       When you grow up, you should be a wonderful woman.

     

    Simple? Yes.

    Easy? Not always.

    I’ve always said that I would one day like to be a wise old woman. I want to be that sweet old lady that always offers the exact right words at the exact right moment.

    Scratch that.

    I don’t think I’m going for sweet. I’d prefer to be the hip old lady with wise words for every troubled young person that comes my way.

    That’s what I’d like to be.

    But in the meantime, I think my daughter set a great goal for all girls: to become a wonderful woman.

    The great thing about being a wonderful woman is that there are many ways to be one.

    You can be kind.

    Or hard working.

    Or smart.

    Or inspirational.

    Or friendly.

    Or a million other things.

    What do YOU think makes for a wonderful woman? Do you know a wonderful woman who would like to share her advice? Let me know in the comments.

     

     

  • A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    I had a thought yesterday that made me very sad.

    I’ll never know you as an old woman.

    My job as a mother is not to teach you to be an amazing kid, but to teach you to be an extraordinary adult. I want to guide you so that when you are an old woman, you will look back on your life and feel that it was well lived.

    These are the things I wish for you when you become an old woman:

    When your hair turns silver and your skin turns a bit sallow, I hope that your eyes shine as brightly as they do today.(tweet this)

    I hope your happy memories outweigh your worries.

    I hope you dance…even if it’s slowly.

    I hope the world is good and that kind people surround you.

    I hope you have a companion, be it a partner, a child or a friend.

    I hope the mistakes you’ve made in life have been long forgotten and the bright spots sparkle.

    I hope you found a unicorn.

    I hope you celebrated every birthday with those that you love.

    I hope you travelled and laughed and sang at the top of your lungs.

    I hope you did work that you loved, that you helped people and that you prayed daily.

    I hope you aren’t in too much pain.

    I hope you let your kids stay up late so that you could snuggle under the covers and tell each other secrets. I hope you have grandchildren and that they talk…constantly.

    As the years pass, my greatest wish is that I taught you well. That you were able to fight when you needed to and give in when you wanted to. That you helped others and were kind to yourself.

    I hope you shine.

    I know you’ll shine.

    And I hope. I really, really hope….that I taught you well.

     

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    A Letter Top Image

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Image by Tim Hamilton

  • Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    The day hasn’t come yet, but I know it will.

    One day your heart will ache…badly. Someone you trust will betray you or hurt you.

    And I can’t change that.

    I’m not here to stop you from getting hurt, although I wish I could carry that pain for you. What I can do is tell you from (very extensive) experience the one thing that nobody else will tell you:

    My heart has never, ever been broken.

    And neither will yours.

    But it will probably feel like it.

    Hearts can get hurt in many ways. Friends may talk behind your back. Crushes may not reciprocate. Someone who told you they love you, may change their mind. Someone you love will come to the end of their time on earth.

    Each of these things will hurt so badly that you will think that you can’t possibly recover. Your heart will hurt so badly that you won’t believe me when I tell you that it isn’t broken…but it isn’t.

    As long as you are standing and breathing and loving…your heart is NOT broken.

    It is bruised. Sometimes you get a small bruise and it goes away so quickly, you can’t even remember where it was.

    Other times, a bruise is huge. It’s ugly and painful and you don’t want to leave the house. You get scared and angry and feel like you are going to die.

    I’ve been there. It hurts.

    But it will get better. Your heart will not break.

    It may crack though. Sometimes the cracks never heal. Sometimes the cracks hurt a little bit when you touch them. Over time, you will learn not to touch them so much, but you know they are there and how to avoid touching them.

    Some cracks are deep. You try to pick up the pieces and glue them back together as best you can. You are a little bit damaged…a little bit sensitive. You are different than you were before.

    But you are not broken.

    You are bruised…never broken.

     

    Image by bored-now

  • You Are Pretty….Pretty Smart!

    You Are Pretty….Pretty Smart!

    I think my daughter is beautiful, just like every other mother does. But if you tell her that she’s pretty, she will finish your sentence for you. Every. Single. Time.

    “You’re pretty.”

    “Pretty smart!”

    “You’re pretty.”

    “Pretty brave!”

    “You’re pretty.”

    “Pretty awesome!”

    Each of us is given different physical attributes that we are proud of. We don’t choose to have fantastic hair, eyes or legs…we were just born that way….or we weren’t. It doesn’t define who we are and it doesn’t make us any more capable of being amazing.

    We can learn to smart…or brave…or awesome. These are all skills that are practiced and developed. They are the traits that define who we are.

    I’m pretty funny.

    I’m pretty creative.

    I’m pretty nice.

    This is the stuff that you find when you lift up the hood on the car. It’s not the beautiful coat of paint, but it’s the power behind the girl.

    It’s nice to be pretty, but my daughter would rather be something more. And I think that happens to be “pretty awesome!”

     

    Image by Steven Depolo

  • Be Kind to Everyone You Meet – Including Yourself

    Be Kind to Everyone You Meet – Including Yourself

    “One kind word can change someone’s entire day.”

     

    It’s true.

    When you tell a friend that she looks beautiful, it makes her happy.

    When you tell a mother that her son has great manner, she beams.

    Small words of kindness can brighten almost anyone’s day, but I’m not talking about just anyone.

    I’m talking about you.

    If you are being kind to others and being hard on yourself, are you truly a kind person?

    No matter where you go in life, you will never be alone. You will have your self-talk to keep you company. Be kind to yourself…because I love you.

    Don’t be harsh when you gain a few pounds or get a D on a test or messed up a project. Talk to yourself the exact same way that you would talk to a friend.

    If your best friend did badly on a test, would you tell her that she’s stupid? Of course not. You would tell her that she tried really hard and that she can work hard to get her grade back up. You would lift her up, not tear her down. If you tore her down, you wouldn’t be friends for very long.

    But you can’t stop being friends with yourself. You are stuck with you…no matter what.

    So please, be kind.

    You will make mistakes…some really bad ones, I’m sure. And that’s ok. Be your own cheerleader. Acknowledge your mistakes, fix them and move on.

    Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. You deserve that.

    Everyone does.