Advice for My Daughter

Category: Dating & Marriage

  • The Difference Between a Wedding and a Marriage

    The Difference Between a Wedding and a Marriage

    Weddings can be very, very expensive. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is over $26,000.

    Weddings usually include food, drinks, music, a venue, a dress, and much more.

    Marriages don’t require any of those things.

    A wedding is window dressing. A marriage is two people committing their lives to each other.

    A wedding is a picture frame. A marriage is the photo inside of it. (tweet this)

    Picture frames can be very elaborate or they can be extraordinarily cheap. A frame actually isn’t even necessary. You can place the photo on a shelf or hang it from a paper clip.

    I can admire a beautiful frame as much as anyone, but the frame is just there to draw your attention to the photo it contains.

    You can spend tens of thousands of dollars on an elaborate wedding, but none of it will matter if you are not marrying the right person.

    You can also skip the wedding entirely and go to the courthouse. If you go there with someone who will stand by your side forever, then the frame just doesn’t matter.

    When planning your wedding, here is a list of things that are nice, but not necessary:

    • Wedding Gown
    • Flowers
    • Singer
    • Bridesmaids
    • Groomsman
    • Music
    • Food
    • Drinks

    Here is a list of things that are vital:

    • An extraordinary partner

    Spending $6,000 on flowers won’t ensure that he will stay up all night taking care of the baby when you are exhausted beyond imagination.

    Spending $7,000 on a dress doesn’t mean that he will tell you that you are beautiful when you feel anything but.

    Spending $26,000 on your wedding doesn’t mean that your marriage will last.

    Focus on the picture. Not on the frame.

    Is he kind?

    If he devoted?

    Given any two choices, does he choose you?

    These questions are substantially more important than the color of the flowers in your bouquet.

    If you choose to marry one day, I will undoubtedly be excited about your wedding day, but I will be far, far, far more excited about the person you choose to spend forever with.

    Choose wisely. Focus on the picture, not the frame.

     

  • A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    I had a thought yesterday that made me very sad.

    I’ll never know you as an old woman.

    My job as a mother is not to teach you to be an amazing kid, but to teach you to be an extraordinary adult. I want to guide you so that when you are an old woman, you will look back on your life and feel that it was well lived.

    These are the things I wish for you when you become an old woman:

    When your hair turns silver and your skin turns a bit sallow, I hope that your eyes shine as brightly as they do today.(tweet this)

    I hope your happy memories outweigh your worries.

    I hope you dance…even if it’s slowly.

    I hope the world is good and that kind people surround you.

    I hope you have a companion, be it a partner, a child or a friend.

    I hope the mistakes you’ve made in life have been long forgotten and the bright spots sparkle.

    I hope you found a unicorn.

    I hope you celebrated every birthday with those that you love.

    I hope you travelled and laughed and sang at the top of your lungs.

    I hope you did work that you loved, that you helped people and that you prayed daily.

    I hope you aren’t in too much pain.

    I hope you let your kids stay up late so that you could snuggle under the covers and tell each other secrets. I hope you have grandchildren and that they talk…constantly.

    As the years pass, my greatest wish is that I taught you well. That you were able to fight when you needed to and give in when you wanted to. That you helped others and were kind to yourself.

    I hope you shine.

    I know you’ll shine.

    And I hope. I really, really hope….that I taught you well.

     

    Like this? Click here to purchase one to hang in your home.

    A Letter Top Image

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Image by Tim Hamilton

  • Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    The day hasn’t come yet, but I know it will.

    One day your heart will ache…badly. Someone you trust will betray you or hurt you.

    And I can’t change that.

    I’m not here to stop you from getting hurt, although I wish I could carry that pain for you. What I can do is tell you from (very extensive) experience the one thing that nobody else will tell you:

    My heart has never, ever been broken.

    And neither will yours.

    But it will probably feel like it.

    Hearts can get hurt in many ways. Friends may talk behind your back. Crushes may not reciprocate. Someone who told you they love you, may change their mind. Someone you love will come to the end of their time on earth.

    Each of these things will hurt so badly that you will think that you can’t possibly recover. Your heart will hurt so badly that you won’t believe me when I tell you that it isn’t broken…but it isn’t.

    As long as you are standing and breathing and loving…your heart is NOT broken.

    It is bruised. Sometimes you get a small bruise and it goes away so quickly, you can’t even remember where it was.

    Other times, a bruise is huge. It’s ugly and painful and you don’t want to leave the house. You get scared and angry and feel like you are going to die.

    I’ve been there. It hurts.

    But it will get better. Your heart will not break.

    It may crack though. Sometimes the cracks never heal. Sometimes the cracks hurt a little bit when you touch them. Over time, you will learn not to touch them so much, but you know they are there and how to avoid touching them.

    Some cracks are deep. You try to pick up the pieces and glue them back together as best you can. You are a little bit damaged…a little bit sensitive. You are different than you were before.

    But you are not broken.

    You are bruised…never broken.

     

    Image by bored-now