Advice for My Daughter

Category: Relationships

  • Find Your People

    Find Your People

    There are almost 8 billion people in the world.

    That’s 8 billion possibilities for human connection. 8 billion people who could hold your hand when you are sick. 8 billion people who might laugh at the same weird things that you laugh at.

    But most of them won’t. And that’s ok.

    Find your people.

    Over the course of your life, you can count yourself blessed if you can find a handful of people that you can crack yourself open in front of and they won’t even flinch.

    You can tell them the awful thing you thought, the crazy thing you bought, or the dreams that you sought…and they won’t judge you at all.

    These types of friends are rarer than white peacocks and exponentially more precious. When you find one…never let it go.

    Gather up your bad date stories, your big juicy life goals, and your most painful parenting fails and find someone who will listen to it all, laugh at it all and cheer you on through it all.

    The number of “your people” will probably be small. Rather than having a yearbook filled with dozens of people saying, “Have a nice summer. I hope we have more classes together next year, ” you may have just a few people write paragraphs of memories and inside jokes on the front and back pages.

    Quality over quantity. Friends over followers.

    These are your people. Find your people.

    Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

  • How To Know If You’ve Won The Dad Lottery

    How To Know If You’ve Won The Dad Lottery

    When you came into the world, we were showered with congratulations that all centered around the theme of, “Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter!”

    But if I could go back to that day, I would whisper in your ear, “Congratulations on the arrival of your father!” Because on that day, as I watched the man I love hold this extraordinary new life in his arms, I knew that you had just won the dad lottery.

    Signs That You Have Won the Dad Lottery

    • Given any two choices, where one of them is you…he chooses you.
    • When he hears you talking in another room, he looks up and quietly says, “I love her.”
    • Everything you do makes him proud….really, really proud.
    • He worries about you. Constantly.
    • He encourages you to be exactly who you are.
    • He’d rather spend his Saturday nights watching movies with you than just about anything else in the world.
    • He comforts you when you make mistakes.
    • Whatever you’re into, he’s into.
    • He apologizes when he makes a mistake.
    • He is strong when you are weak and he is a comfort when you are in pain.
    • He reads to you and does great character voices.
    • When you’re happy, he’s happy.
    • His actions show the importance of being kind, being charitable, and helping others.
    • He always stops when he sees a lost dog.
    • He works hard and without complaint.
    • He would do absolutely anything to make sure you are safe.
    • He’d rather have ice cream with you than eat at the fanciest restaurant in town without you.
    • He makes up the most amazing bedtime stories.
    • He loves and respects your mother.

    And the biggest sign that you’ve won the dad lottery?

    You can’t imagine ever finding someone as amazing as him.

    So, I sit here today and think back on the newborn you, with your whole life ahead of you. And I say….

    Congratulations on the arrival of your father. You’ve just won the dad lottery.

     

    Image Credit:

    Stephanie Cotton

  • Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    When other people make mistakes, it’s very easy to jump to negative conclusions that generally center around, “what an idiot” “why would someone DO that” or “are you KIDDING me!”

    But we make mistakes, it normally comes from a place of “Uh-Oh” “Oh-No” or “I can’t believe I did that…I’m so sorry!”

    That’s a pretty big discrepancy. We tend to assume the best in ourselves and the worst in others.

    She’s late for the movie because she’s inconsiderate. I’m late for the movie because I fell asleep on the couch on accident.

    When someone cuts me off in traffic it’s because they don’t know how to drive. When I cut someone off in traffic it’s because they were in my blind spot.

    Please don’t be quick to judge. It’s ugly behavior and it puts you at the center of the universe. You aren’t the sun…you are one of many planets circling around the sun trying to get through the day without banging into any space junk.

    And so is everyone else.

    I believe that people are generally kind and generally good. I believe that with all of my heart. It’s very easy to watch the news and feel like the entire world is filled with horrible people.

    It’s just not true. The news doesn’t send a crew to Target when someone hits a car with their cart and they leave a note because they feel bad. They don’t report on the person who chatted with a lonely stranger on the bus. But these things happen all the time…every day…all over the world.

    Try to have compassion towards people and realize that they are doing the best they can. Maybe they are rude because they just left the hospital where their father underwent heart surgery. You don’t know.

    Give them the benefit of the doubt.

    Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be humble.

    People deserve that….even the grumpy ones. (tweet this)

     

    Image by Hina Ichigo

  • It’s OK to Outgrow Your Friends

    It’s OK to Outgrow Your Friends

    There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

    I believe this to be true.

    As a kid, you make friends and you grow up with them. You have similar life experiences. You swim at the same pool. You have the same teachers. You build up years of shared experiences. You become BFF’s.

    Best.

    Friends.

    Forever.

    But don’t hang too tightly on that last part. Not all friendships last forever…and that’s ok.

    Childhood friendships are fantastic. You learn life together. You grow up together. You share secrets and make plans.

    But then, you grow up.

    You develop your own values and interests. You realize that you like to read books, but your best friend likes to go to concerts. You want to put down roots in your hometown, but your best friend wants to experience the world.

    You grow apart.

    There are arguments for keeping the friendship going. It’s great to have a lifelong friendship with someone who grew where you grew, but if you grow apart…don’t beat yourself up over it.

    The qualities that someone looks for in a friend at age 7 are very different than what they look for in a friend when they are 37.

    The girl who you went swimming with at the pool may not be the best person to comfort you when you lose your job. The girl who liked to go on adventures in the forest may not understand why you work late after work because you are launching your own business.

    And that’s ok.

    Appreciate every person that enters your life…whether it is for 5 minutes, for your entire childhood, or for your entire life. (tweet this)

    Say hello when you want to. Say goodbye when you need to.

    And be ok with it.

     

    Image by Philippe Put

  • The Difference Between a Wedding and a Marriage

    The Difference Between a Wedding and a Marriage

    Weddings can be very, very expensive. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is over $26,000.

    Weddings usually include food, drinks, music, a venue, a dress, and much more.

    Marriages don’t require any of those things.

    A wedding is window dressing. A marriage is two people committing their lives to each other.

    A wedding is a picture frame. A marriage is the photo inside of it. (tweet this)

    Picture frames can be very elaborate or they can be extraordinarily cheap. A frame actually isn’t even necessary. You can place the photo on a shelf or hang it from a paper clip.

    I can admire a beautiful frame as much as anyone, but the frame is just there to draw your attention to the photo it contains.

    You can spend tens of thousands of dollars on an elaborate wedding, but none of it will matter if you are not marrying the right person.

    You can also skip the wedding entirely and go to the courthouse. If you go there with someone who will stand by your side forever, then the frame just doesn’t matter.

    When planning your wedding, here is a list of things that are nice, but not necessary:

    • Wedding Gown
    • Flowers
    • Singer
    • Bridesmaids
    • Groomsman
    • Music
    • Food
    • Drinks

    Here is a list of things that are vital:

    • An extraordinary partner

    Spending $6,000 on flowers won’t ensure that he will stay up all night taking care of the baby when you are exhausted beyond imagination.

    Spending $7,000 on a dress doesn’t mean that he will tell you that you are beautiful when you feel anything but.

    Spending $26,000 on your wedding doesn’t mean that your marriage will last.

    Focus on the picture. Not on the frame.

    Is he kind?

    If he devoted?

    Given any two choices, does he choose you?

    These questions are substantially more important than the color of the flowers in your bouquet.

    If you choose to marry one day, I will undoubtedly be excited about your wedding day, but I will be far, far, far more excited about the person you choose to spend forever with.

    Choose wisely. Focus on the picture, not the frame.

     

  • A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Woman

    I had a thought yesterday that made me very sad.

    I’ll never know you as an old woman.

    My job as a mother is not to teach you to be an amazing kid, but to teach you to be an extraordinary adult. I want to guide you so that when you are an old woman, you will look back on your life and feel that it was well lived.

    These are the things I wish for you when you become an old woman:

    When your hair turns silver and your skin turns a bit sallow, I hope that your eyes shine as brightly as they do today.(tweet this)

    I hope your happy memories outweigh your worries.

    I hope you dance…even if it’s slowly.

    I hope the world is good and that kind people surround you.

    I hope you have a companion, be it a partner, a child or a friend.

    I hope the mistakes you’ve made in life have been long forgotten and the bright spots sparkle.

    I hope you found a unicorn.

    I hope you celebrated every birthday with those that you love.

    I hope you travelled and laughed and sang at the top of your lungs.

    I hope you did work that you loved, that you helped people and that you prayed daily.

    I hope you aren’t in too much pain.

    I hope you let your kids stay up late so that you could snuggle under the covers and tell each other secrets. I hope you have grandchildren and that they talk…constantly.

    As the years pass, my greatest wish is that I taught you well. That you were able to fight when you needed to and give in when you wanted to. That you helped others and were kind to yourself.

    I hope you shine.

    I know you’ll shine.

    And I hope. I really, really hope….that I taught you well.

     

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    Image by Tim Hamilton

  • Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    Hearts Don’t Break – They Bruise

    The day hasn’t come yet, but I know it will.

    One day your heart will ache…badly. Someone you trust will betray you or hurt you.

    And I can’t change that.

    I’m not here to stop you from getting hurt, although I wish I could carry that pain for you. What I can do is tell you from (very extensive) experience the one thing that nobody else will tell you:

    My heart has never, ever been broken.

    And neither will yours.

    But it will probably feel like it.

    Hearts can get hurt in many ways. Friends may talk behind your back. Crushes may not reciprocate. Someone who told you they love you, may change their mind. Someone you love will come to the end of their time on earth.

    Each of these things will hurt so badly that you will think that you can’t possibly recover. Your heart will hurt so badly that you won’t believe me when I tell you that it isn’t broken…but it isn’t.

    As long as you are standing and breathing and loving…your heart is NOT broken.

    It is bruised. Sometimes you get a small bruise and it goes away so quickly, you can’t even remember where it was.

    Other times, a bruise is huge. It’s ugly and painful and you don’t want to leave the house. You get scared and angry and feel like you are going to die.

    I’ve been there. It hurts.

    But it will get better. Your heart will not break.

    It may crack though. Sometimes the cracks never heal. Sometimes the cracks hurt a little bit when you touch them. Over time, you will learn not to touch them so much, but you know they are there and how to avoid touching them.

    Some cracks are deep. You try to pick up the pieces and glue them back together as best you can. You are a little bit damaged…a little bit sensitive. You are different than you were before.

    But you are not broken.

    You are bruised…never broken.

     

    Image by bored-now