Advice for My Daughter

Category: Parenthood

  • I Will Always Carry You

    I Will Always Carry You

    You were very tired this morning when I lifted you out of bed and carried you downstairs.

    As the weight of your growing body pressed down on my arms, I knew in my head that I wouldn’t be able to carry you much longer.

    But I knew in my heart that I will carry you forever.

    When you are

    • scared
    • nervous
    • embarrassed
    • tired
    • over it
    • angry

    I will carry you.

    When you

    • fail the test
    • love someone who doesn’t love you back
    • make a really (really) big mistake
    • cry for help
    • blow the interview
    • do the one thing you shouldn’t do
    • take a risk that doesn’t work out
    • have your heart broken by someone who promised they would love you forever

    I will carry you.

    I can’t fix your problems for you. You need to struggle, screw up and fall down. It’s painful, but I promise you, it will make you compassionate, empathetic and very, very strong.

    Try.

    Fail.

    Try again.

    And if you fail again, I will always be here to carry you. No matter how big you get, my heart is strong enough for both of us.

    And I will carry you.

     

    Image: Lon Martin

  • The Girl in the Rearview Mirror

    The Girl in the Rearview Mirror

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    This is her first time in a car. She’s sleeping soundly after recovering from her grand entrance into the world. We’ve just met, but I already love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.

     

    “We’ve just met, but I already love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.” (tweet this)

     

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She can’t stop talking about how much fun she had at school. She loves her teacher. She loves her new friends. She loves music class. She loves laughing with her friends at lunch.  I’m so proud of her as she begins this great adventure. But my heart aches a little bit.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She’s sitting with her two besties. They are singing and talking and taking selfies. The freckles sprinkled across her nose are those of my little girl, but her legs are bumping against the back seat. She’s not a baby, but she’s not a grown up. I watch her stumble a lot, and it’s hard. But I’m proud of the young lady she’s becoming.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She isn’t talking as much these days. She sits quietly in the back seat texting her friends. It seems that I’m always dropping her off somewhere. I wish she was home more often. I miss her.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She’s quiet on the four hour drive to college. Almost everything she owns is in the trunk. I tell her everything is going to be great, but my heart is ripping apart. I’m not ready for this.

    There’s an empty spot in the rearview mirror.

    There used to be a girl there that I love more than anything in the world. She has her own car now. She lives in the city and has a job that she loves. She calls me every Sunday and comes for dinner once a month. I miss her terribly, but I’m so, so proud of her.

    There’s a girl in the rearview mirror.

    She has freckles sprinkled across her nose and she calls me grandma.

     

    Image: Sam Manon-Marwitz

     

  • I Was Late To Work Because You’re Beautiful

    I Was Late To Work Because You’re Beautiful

    There are many legitimate reasons to be late for work:

    • Traffic
    • Weather
    • The alarm didn’t go off
    • Doctor’s appointment
    • The car wouldn’t start

    My reason for being late today doesn’t appear on this list.

    I was late because you are beautiful.

    I woke up with plenty of time to do all of those weekday “must do’s.” I allowed time to shower, do my hair and makeup, eat breakfast, catch up on my news and my facebook updates, check my email, pack my lunch, pack your lunch, and get you up and dressed. Easy. I’ve planned everything perfectly.

    Before my shower, I always check in on you to see you resting well from a day of learning and playing. You were sleeping so peacefully that I decided to watch you a little longer. I wanted a closer look, so I climbed in bed next to you. I looked at your hair, your skin, the freckles sprinkled across your nose, and your little belly rising and falling with each steady breath. I saw the scrapes on your knees from a tumble you took yesterday and your little toe that curls outward.

    And time stood still.

    In the movie The Bucket List, one of the items on his bucket list is to “kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t a Vanity Fair model, it was his granddaughter. And it’s true. I’ve seen beautiful things in my life: sunsets in Hawaii, brides dressed in white radiating love, autumn colors that make the forests look like they’ve caught fire. But I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in all of my life, than my daughter with one pajama leg up and one down, little hands twitching from dreams taking you to wonderful new places, while protecting your stuffed dog through it all.

    And I was frozen, though the clock ticked on. And I was late for work today.

    Because you’re beautiful.

  • The Little Things That Take My Breath Away

    The Little Things That Take My Breath Away

    Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman who dreamt of having a child. There were days when it seemed that it would never happen, but they kept hoping and praying that one day, they would hear cries in the middle of the night…cries for them.

    And one day…they did.

    And I still can’t believe that you are real. That you are my child. That you call me mommy.

    But you do. It’s real.

    So, I want you to know how grateful I am and how my breath catches by some of the littlest things. I am a mom to a little girl and these are the things I treasure:

    • Little yellow rain boots by the back door
    • Crumbs in the back seat of the car
    • Monster High stickers on my coffee table
    • Rocks in my purse
    • A refrigerator covered in drawings
    • Saturday mornings when I don’t get to sleep in
    • Katy Perry blasting in the car
    • Rocks on the kitchen table
    • A chair for one, that now squeezes in two
    • Spontaneous dance parties
    • Weekly trips to the library, loaded down with books
    • Long blonde hair in my hairbrush
    • Knock Knock jokes that don’t make sense
    • Rocks next to my bed
    • A bathroom cabinet filled with cotton balls and leaves for the fairies
    • Chalk on the sidewalk
    • Cartoons on the TV
    • Chasing down the ice cream truck
    • Kisses that work like medicine
    • The tiny toothbrush next to the sink
    • Glitter….everywhere
    • Smiles that change with new teeth
    • The endless stream of “mommy…mommy…mommy”

    When you are wishing for a child, it’s these little things that you dream of. Many of these “annoying” things are the greatest gifts I could ever imagine.

    For my birthday last year, my husband bought me my first Prada bag. It is now filled with rocks, colorful band-aids, and sugar packets.

    And I couldn’t be happier.

     

    Image by Rob MacEwen

  • The Hurt That Every Mother Knows

    The Hurt That Every Mother Knows

    I was heading to bed the other night and went into your room first to kiss you goodnight, like I always do. And you were sound asleep…and absolutely perfect.

    I watched you for a while. I smiled. I remembered. I wished. I prayed.

    And I turned to walk out.

    Then I came back and climbed in next to you. I looked at your eyes gracefully moving beneath closed eyelids and imagined where your dreams were taking you. I imagined where life may take you.

    I looked at your little hands…your face, untouched by the stresses of life…your legs splayed out in exhaustion from a day full of playing.

    And it hurt.

    Every mother knows the hurt I’m talking about. It’s not joy. It’s not sadness. If I had to guess where its roots lie, I would have to say that it is gratitude magnified to the point where it burns.

    Your heart grows too big…and it hurts.

    I lied next to you for quite a while thinking about how proud I am of you and how kind you are. I think of the hundreds of nights I sat in my own bed silently wishing for you and the magical day when my wish was granted.

    My wish was granted, and her favorite color is blue. She likes to sing. She fills my purse with rocks and crayons. She hugs me better than anyone in the world.

    My wish has a name. My wish has a body. My wish calls me mommy.

    My wish is lying right here dreaming her own dreams.

    And, yes, it hurts to look in the eyes of an answered prayer.

    Thank you is so very small, but I say it anyway, because I don’t know what else to say. (tweet this)

    What else do you say when prayers become people and wishes become wonder?

    [thank you]

     

    Image by Susana Fernandez

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  • 50 Things to Do With Kids Before Summer Ends

    50 Things to Do With Kids Before Summer Ends

    Some of life’s best memories are created during the lazy days of summer.

    Here are 50 ideas for how to create some great memories before the school bell rings.

     

    1. Go on a mystery drive. Jump in the car, set the timer and every 5 minutes, pick a direction (left, right or straight). Stop when you discover something fun!
    2. Have a chalk and bubbles party. Cover the driveway with art and then dance around it while blowing bubbles!
    3. Camp out in the backyard. It’s an adventure, but you still have a bathroom and a bed if you get scared.
    4. Go peach picking (or whatever is ripe in your area). Picking your own fruit is fun and teaches kids about where food comes from
    5. Go to a splash pad or water park. There is nothing quite as fun as playing in water on a hot day.
    6. Take a hike. Find a local forest or trail. Bring along a magnifying glass and a bag for your treasures.
    7. Find a new playground. Kids LOVE the playground. Find a new one. It’s free and it’s fun!
    8. Dance walk. Grab your mobile, crank up the music and dance down the street.
    9. Find a charity where you can donate school supplies. As long as you are shopping for your kids, grab some extras for a family who needs them. Be sure to involve your child.
    10. Eat ice cream outside. Nothing says summer like ice cream.
    11. 50 things to do with kids before summer (1)Go geocaching and go on a treasure hunt in your own town.
    12. Have a water balloon fight in the yard.
    13. Put on dresses and dine al fresco (even if it’s just a sandwich…you can still be fancy)
    14. Plant seeds and grow some new flowers.
    15. Visit the Farmer’s Market and get some wonderful in-season produce
    16. Go window shopping at an outdoor mall.
    17. Visit the library. Bring a big bag and bring home lots of books. Spread out a blanket in the yard and read and imagine.
    18. Look at the clouds
    19. Look at the stars and make wishes on them
    20. Plant a tree to remember this summer
    21. Decorate a tree with yarn or ornaments
    22. Catch fireflies (and let them go)
    23. Paint the sidewalks with water
    24. Have a dance party in the rain
    25. Go on a scavenger hunt in nature
    26. Collect rocks and paint them
    27. Invite some friends over for an ice cream sundae party
    28. Collect bugs
    29. Climb a tree
    30. Have a picnic at the park
    31. Put on rainboots and jump in puddles (yep…go ahead…get wet!)
    32. Catch frogs. Name them. Let them go.
    33. Visit a local museum
    34. Build something at Home Depot
    35. Give your kid a camera and let them capture what summer looks like to them
    36. Watch a movie outside at a local park or drive in
    37. Grill out
    38. Throw a penny in a fountain
    39. Skim rocks across a pond
    40. Play catch
    41. Go horseback riding
    42. Make popsicles by freezing juice in dixie cups
    43. Decorate bikes and have a kids parade around the neighborhood
    44. Visit the local pool
    45. Attend an outdoor concert or play
    46. Road trip to a nearby town
    47. Go to a baseball game, professional or at the local park
    48. Sit on the front porch and talk
    49. Paint your toenails then walk through the grass barefoot
    50. Capture your memories – in words, pictures and video

    Image by Ano Lobb

  • Kids Don’t Grow Up Fast – They Just Grow Up

    Kids Don’t Grow Up Fast – They Just Grow Up

    Almost every parent has used the phrase “they grow up so fast!”

    I don’t think that’s true.

    You aren’t growing up fast. I think you are growing up just right. But here is the sad part:

    I’ll miss the little you.

    I once knew a five pound baby girl who loved to be held and relied on me for absolutely everything. She was my world. I would rock her to sleep, sing her lullabies and wake up to the slightest sound. She needed me….desperately. I loved her…even though we had just met. But I’ll never get to hold her again.

    She grew up.

    I once knew a two year old who would look to me for help when she fell down. My kisses were magic and could heal anything. She would sit on the floor and look at flashcards for hours. Everything was brand new to her and I was her teacher. She had this fresh new mind that was open to everything that I would say. But I’ll never get to teach that brand new mind again.

    She grew up.

    I once knew a five year old who was a little bit nervous on her first day of school and needed me to hold her hand and hug her goodbye. She didn’t know what school was. She didn’t know how to read or write. Some of the most fundamental parts of her life were still unknown. I held her hand as she went to her first day of school. She was about to begin a lifetime of learning. But I can’t take her to her first day of school again.

    She grew up.

    I don’t think kids grow up fast. I think they transform, just like butterflies. They are handed to us as larva or caterpillars and we give them the tools and the time to evolve. It’s not a quick process. It’s gradual. The confusing part is that the after looks so much different than the before.

    But is it?

    The little personality stays. The shine in the eyes stays. But the small needy person goes away. The little body is shed away like a cocoon.

    She grows wings….and she flies away.

    I want you to grow wings. I want you to fly away.

    But it will hurt.

     

    I want you to grow wings. I want you to fly away. But it will hurt.

      (tweet this)

     

    Every day, I teach you things so that you will be successful when you take flight. But I still won’t be ready when it’s time to take off.

    I want you to be a butterfly.

    So, no…I don’t think kids grow up fast, but I wish I could go back and visit that little girl every now and then. I want to hear her laugh. I want to kiss her boo-boos. I want to carry her in my arms just one more time.

    But the caterpillar is no more. She learned how to fly.

     

  • The 5 Best Things You May Have Missed This Week

    The 5 Best Things You May Have Missed This Week

    Sixth-Grade Girls Create Prosthetic Hands for Kids in Need – Parenting

    Three Columbia, S.C., sixth-grade girls used their brilliant young minds to come up with a creative and charitable project: creating prosthetic hands for kids who need them by using a 3D printer.

     

    My Child is “Weird” and That’s Okay – Oklahoma City Moms Blog

    My daughter can throw the fiercest fastball. She can wrestle with the boys, and she can give them a run for their money. She may choose to participate in an occasional dance class, but I guarantee that under her frilly pink tutu she has on a pair of boy’s Spiderman undies.

     

    This 9-year Old’s Hobby? Building Shelters for the Homeless

    While most 9-year old’s are playing house, this girl is building homes for the homeless.

     

    Parents Give Their Daughter a History Lesson By Recreating Photos of Famous Heroines

    When Brooklyn photographer Marc Bushelle and his wife Janine decided to teach their daughter Lily about famous African American women, they had her dress up as the historical figures for a series of photos. The Black Heroines Project has not only taught Lily about strong and courageous women, it has also gone viral and has been educational for others. “When people talk about black history, there is a list of names they rattle off. But we wanted to cover women that were not normally at the tip of people’s tongues,”

     

    Darth Vader is for girls, too: the young fan who forced Disney to change toy labels

    Upon exploring the UK Disney Store’s website with her mum, Rebecca, she was devastated to see that the outfit was listed as a “boys’ costume.” “Her face fell,” says Rebecca. Her eyes “filled with tears and she said, ‘I can’t have it, it says they’re only for boys.'”

     

    Image by Fadzly Mubin

  • Let the Children Play…Alone

    Let the Children Play…Alone

    I’ve noticed a strange, and rather disturbing trend lately when I go to play areas with my daughter. The disturbing thing is called parents.

    I absolutely believe that parents should be watching their small kids to make sure that they don’t get hurt, but they are much too involved in directing their play.

    Last weekend I was at a play area where there were several miniature houses with brooms. There were pretend sheep and rakes. It was a great place for kids to pretend to be grown ups. The entire area was designed for children. Now, if only the grown ups would leave them alone.

    I saw a child pick up a broom and start sweeping outside the house to which his father replied, “Why don’t you sweep INSIDE the house?”

    I saw a child climb on a tree stump that was about 6 inches tall and his mother wouldn’t move away from him. What was she afraid of? That he would fall 6 inches onto the mulch covered ground?

    I watched kids happily playing with other kids and the parents would say, “Did you see the buckets? Why don’t you go play with the buckets?”

    Why don’t we just let the kids play. Let them play in ways that make sense to us. Let them play in ways that are absolutely nonsensical. Let them do one activity for 20 minutes or let them jump from one thing to another.

    Let them create, discover, invent and be kids.

    Play is not just fun and games. It’s how kids learn about their world. They try things out and make mistakes. This is their school, with one major difference….there actually are no rules in play.

    You don’t actually have to follow the instructions on a Lego set. You can build whatever you want to.

    You don’t have to sweep inside the house…you don’t even have to use the broom as a broom.

    The playground is where kids learn how to solve problems…on their own. They settle disagreements with other kids…on their own. They fall six inches off tree stumps and decide that it’s kind of fun to tumble around. They fall 12 inches and learn that falling hurts, so maybe they should be more careful.

    We are all familiar with helicopter parents. I’m not sure if this is the same thing or not. This isn’t about just hovering, it’s about inserting yourself where you don’t need to be, or worse, where you shouldn’t be.

    Let them be kids. Let them discover and fall and struggle and create and learn and laugh….and play.

    Please, just let them play.

    Photo by Fabian Centeno on Unsplash

  • Lessons from My Bathtub

    Lessons from My Bathtub

    “Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going.” — Tennessee Williams

    ——————————-

    I was giving my daughter a bath last night when I noticed something amazing.

    She was playing with her submarine and doing absolutely nothing else. She wasn’t thinking about anything else or wanting to be doing anything else. She was present in that moment. Just her and her submarine.

    Most of us have busy lives. The fact that you are even taking time out of your day to read this, gives me great joy!

    Our minds of full of to-do lists and obligations that it can be an astronomical challenge to just be. Right. Where. You. Are.

    Even as I write this, I am thinking….I hope my daughter doesn’t wake up soon, because I really feel like writing. She has none of those worries.

    Wherever you are…be there. That is such a tiny, simple sentence…but it’s SO hard to do.

    I watched my daughter laying in the tub focused on the submarine going under water, then flying in the air. She watched it get wet and she watched the water pour out of the bottom. Then she did something even more amazing. She said “did you hear that?”

    I, of course, heard nothing.

    “It’s a birdy!” Not only was she present in her moment, but she was aware of the smallest sounds in her environment.

    It’s a lot like meditation, really. You notice your mind wandering, then you gently bring it back to focus. Today…even if just for one hour…try to be 100% present in whatever you are doing. It’s so much harder than it should be.

    Photo by Thomas Despeyroux on Unsplash