Advice for My Daughter

Category: Life

  • The Importance of Making Great Memories

    The Importance of Making Great Memories

    I was watching a Jimmy Fallon clip today with Lionel Richie (which was very funny), and immediately after watching it, I felt sad. I grew up with Lionel Richie. I watched his videos on MTV. He was young and new and I was young and free.

    I wanted to go back…just for a visit.

    I wanted to lay on the couch in my neon socks and watch the Thriller video with my friends.

    I wanted to take the bus to the mall and buy Duran Duran buttons for my jean jacket.

    I wanted to wear two Swatch watches.

    But I can’t go back. Ever. And it made me sad.

    Make Things. Do Things. Change Things. Visit New Places. Make MistakesIn the movie Inside Out, we saw the warehouse that holds all of our memories. The one’s that we don’t access begin to vanish. The ones that we may need to access sit on a shelf and can be found when we look hard enough. But the really, really good memories become core memories. They are the foundation of who we are today.

    It’s impossible to go back to time of great joy (or great sadness), but what we can do is bring the big memories with us. I don’t know what I ate for breakfast on October 7th, 2011, that memory has vanished forever, but I will always remember the day I spent with my nephew driving and talking…just the two of us. I’ll never forget how uncomfortable my pregnant sister was watching Forrest Gump, only to see her firstborn through the window of the hospital nursery the following day. I’ll never forget dancing with my friends in a dark, crowded teen dance club.

    Those memories all came with me.

    So, my advice to you is not to make good memories, but to make great ones. Don’t squander your time away flipping endlessly through twitter or binge watching a tv show, just so you can move on to another.

    Make memories. Do interesting things.

    Have great conversations about things that matter to you. Help someone at their exact moment of need. Spend lots and lots and lots of time with your friends. Listen to people. Make things. Do things. Change things. Visit new places. Try different hobbies to discover that you love them, or hate them. Make mistakes.

    Do something.

    What you do today will go with you. You will carry it around like a suitcase. It’s up to you whether your suitcase is packed with vibrant memories or just ribbons of what could have been.

    You can never go back. Today will be gone. My question to you is….what will you bring with you?

     

    image by Prathima

  • What it Means to Be Rich

    What it Means to Be Rich

    You are rich.

    When I tell you this, you laugh and say that you aren’t. But you are.

    Today we visited The Compassion Experience where we walked through a re-creation of the life stories of children living in poverty.  We walked through their homes and saw the rooms these children grew up in. We heard the sounds of drunk men trying to pound in the door. We learned about child brides and girls dropping out of school at the age of seven so they could work to support the family.

    And we learned that we are rich.

    Being rich means never being hungry. It means that your full-time job is to go to school. It means that you get to choose who (or if) you want to marry. It means that your home is warm when it’s cold outside. It means that you are encouraged to use your voice to help others. It means that you are loved deeply and unconditionally.

    There were children in these stories who were never, ever told that they were loved.

    When you heard that, your mouth dropped in disbelief. Of all the things you saw today, the one thing that was completely outside your understanding, was that a child was not shown love.

    You are loved. You are warm. You are fed. You are empowered.

    And you are rich.

    Image by Zoriah

  • Talk About What You Love, Not What You Hate

    Talk About What You Love, Not What You Hate

    I was scrolling through my Facebook page today and I noticed how frequently people talk about what they hate.

    Ugh. It’s so hot out!

    The (fill in any baseball team) are the WORST!

    (fill in any political candidate) is insane.

    It took 78 minutes to get into work today! The (fill in any local expressway) is horrible.

    And on.

    And on.

    And on.

    None of these status updates make the world a better place to live and none of them will change the way things are. But there is a better way to think…a better way to live.

    Rather than focusing on the things you hate, speak about the things you love:

    Fall is coming. I love sweatshirt weather!

    The (fill in any baseball team) are awesome!

    (fill in any political candidate) is brilliant.

    It took 78 minutes to get into work today! I got to listen to almost two full podcasts!

    Life is how we perceive it and others view you by your positivity or negativity. Why not focus on the positive?

    Nobody wants to hear about your endless complaints. Really, they don’t.

    Grandma always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I still mostly agree with that. If you have something nice to say, say it loud and proud. If you have to provide constructive criticism, do with good intentions. If you have something mean, critical or judgmental to say, it’s probably best not to say it, unless you are offering a solution. Every complaint must also come with a solution.

    Be a force of positive in the world. Be the light in someone’s day. Be the person who never has a bad word to say about anyone. That doesn’t mean that you love everything about everyone…just that you know that it won’t help anyone to scream it across Facebook.

     

  • How to Make a Gloomy Day Feel Like a Vacation

    How to Make a Gloomy Day Feel Like a Vacation

    Sometimes I have really big, important advice for you. Sometimes I have really small, silly advice for you. Today it’s the latter.

    We recently had some dreary weather, which can be depressing, but there is a simple trick that can save you thousands of dollars on a trip to Hawaii.

    Step 1 – Close the curtains

    Step 2 – Turn on all of the lights

    Step 3 – Play Hawaiian music (or reggae, or kettle drums)

    Step 4 – Forget whatever is going on outside

    I have used this trick many times over the years and it really does work. Once you close the curtains, the weather is out of sight, out of mind.

    Your tropical vacation is just a click away….aloha…

     

     

  • Appreciate Your Imperfect Possessions

    Appreciate Your Imperfect Possessions

    I was tossing the towels into the dryer today and noticed that some of them are beginning to fray and one of them has some bite holes from when our dog was a curious little corgi. My first thought was, “I should get new towels.” My second thought was, “Why?”

    Growing up, I recall having the same towels throughout my entire life. They didn’t match a specific color scheme. They didn’t follow any trends. They simply made wet people dry. That’s what towels are supposed to do. And they did it well for 20 years.

    My inbox is filled with emails telling me to, “Hurry, This Won’t Last Long!”  “You. Need. This.” or “Fall’s Hottest Trend.”

    And it’s all just stuff.

    I purchased my second car in 1997. A brand new Acura Integra. It was an extraordinary car and I drove it for 17 years. Throughout my years of ownership, I would take it in for regular maintenance. When I hit 100,000, the dealer told me, “Congratulations, you hit the halfway mark!” And he was right. It made it to 207,000 miles and when I drove it to the dealership to trade it in, it started for the last time.

    When I traveled for work, people told me that I “had” to get a new car since my car was a two-door and couldn’t fit many people in it. It worked just fine.

    When I moved further north, people told me that I “had” to get a new car because an SUV was essential. It worked just fine.

    When I hit 100,000 miles, people told me that I “had” to get a new car because mine was dangerous and old. It worked just fine.

    When I had you, people told me that I “had” to get a new car, because a two door wouldn’t work with a baby. It worked just fine.

    Your dad gave me a pair of earrings on our wedding day 9 years ago. They are the only earrings that I’ve worn since. How could there possibly be a better pair out there than the pair I received on our first day of marriage?

    Our society has become disposable. We are supposed to change our pants every season from skinny jeans to bootleg to flares. You have granite countertops? Useless. You should have quartz.

    Change all of your pillows, candles and throw blankets for Christmas. Rip the flowers out of the garden and plant new ones. Get a new car because yours doesn’t have bluetooth. And please, please, please throw away those old towels.

    Or…be thankful for the wonderful things that you have been blessed with…like your washing machine…that will make all of your old towel nice and clean, although not perfect.

     

    [extra advice | beach towels make GREAT bath towels]

     

     

  • Work Hard Regardless of What You Are Being Paid

    Work Hard Regardless of What You Are Being Paid

     

    Working is part of life. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, the owner of start-up, a store clerk, a CEO, or a volunteer…work hard.

    It’s called a work “ethic” because it’s value based. You work hard…at every job…every time…because it’s who you are.

    I was working at a large bookstore chain and was always surprised when I would come in and some of my co-workers had left stacks of books for me to re-shelve. I wasn’t upset, because I enjoyed shelving them, but I was curious as to why they preferred to do nothing rather than do something, so I asked why they made that choice.

    The response: “I don’t get paid enough to work hard.”

    And chances are, they never will get paid enough. Work hard first. Get paid later.

    There is a quote that says “You can’t make a million dollars with a minimum wage work ethic.”

    If you are making $8 an hour you should work as if you are making $100. If you are making $100 an hour, you should work as if you are making $500. Always give more than is expected.

    There is something to be said about being the type of person that can be relied on. It feels good to go to bed at night exhausted from a hard day of work.

    Being bored is…well…boring.

    If you babysit and the kids are asleep, rather than sitting on the couch watching tv, why not take 20 minutes and wash the dishes in the sink? The parents will be shocked and you will be the first person they call the next time they need a babysitter.

    Fill up your time. Be of service.

    Work hard.

     

    Fill up your time. Be of service. Work hard. (tweet this)

     

     

     

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  • How to Treat the Elderly

    How to Treat the Elderly

    As far as the earth goes, you are brand-spanking new. Your skin is tight and shiny. Your teeth are flawless. Your energy is boundless.

    And you will believe, for a very long time, that you will always be this way.

    Until you aren’t.

    It may start when your weight starts creeping up on you. Or maybe it will be the moment that the doctor tells you that you need reading glasses. Maybe a tooth will crack while you are eating popcorn.

    I don’t know how it will happen. But it will.

    And it will be both shocking and terrifying.

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be.

     

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be. (tweet this)

     

    You will get older.

    Your skin will get dull spots where there once was a glistening tan.
    Your teeth may be made of porcelain, not bone.
    Your hearing might miss some of the quieter conversations at the dinner table.

    Bodies wear down after a life well lived.

    Remember this when you are stuck behind a woman walking slowly in front of you when you are trying to run through the airport.

    Remember this when you notice an older person sitting alone at a family gathering.

    They can’t believe this is happening to them. They didn’t really understand that one day, they would be the old person in the room that people find inconvenient.

    They used to be young, vibrant, powerful, helpful. Now they feel their independence slipping slowly away.

    It’s frustrating…and sometimes humiliating. This wasn’t how they used to be.

    Try to look past the faded skin and tired eyes to see their heart and their mind. Talk to them. Connect with them. Understand them.

    Because they are just like you.

    And one day…far, far away…you will be just like them.

     

    Image by Marjan Lazarevski

  • Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    When other people make mistakes, it’s very easy to jump to negative conclusions that generally center around, “what an idiot” “why would someone DO that” or “are you KIDDING me!”

    But we make mistakes, it normally comes from a place of “Uh-Oh” “Oh-No” or “I can’t believe I did that…I’m so sorry!”

    That’s a pretty big discrepancy. We tend to assume the best in ourselves and the worst in others.

    She’s late for the movie because she’s inconsiderate. I’m late for the movie because I fell asleep on the couch on accident.

    When someone cuts me off in traffic it’s because they don’t know how to drive. When I cut someone off in traffic it’s because they were in my blind spot.

    Please don’t be quick to judge. It’s ugly behavior and it puts you at the center of the universe. You aren’t the sun…you are one of many planets circling around the sun trying to get through the day without banging into any space junk.

    And so is everyone else.

    I believe that people are generally kind and generally good. I believe that with all of my heart. It’s very easy to watch the news and feel like the entire world is filled with horrible people.

    It’s just not true. The news doesn’t send a crew to Target when someone hits a car with their cart and they leave a note because they feel bad. They don’t report on the person who chatted with a lonely stranger on the bus. But these things happen all the time…every day…all over the world.

    Try to have compassion towards people and realize that they are doing the best they can. Maybe they are rude because they just left the hospital where their father underwent heart surgery. You don’t know.

    Give them the benefit of the doubt.

    Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be humble.

    People deserve that….even the grumpy ones. (tweet this)

     

    Image by Hina Ichigo

  • 5 Skills You Need to Have Before You Leave Home

    5 Skills You Need to Have Before You Leave Home

    There is an amazing world out there just waiting to be discovered. there are places to wander and adventures to be had.

    In a world where people love quotations and inspirational snippets, I don’t want you to forget that there are many practical skills that every woman needs to have when she sets out on her own.

    Learn these skills. Master them. Then go out and take on the world. (tweet this)

      1. Use good manners
        Life can be hard, but I believe in the goodness of humans.
        When someone does something for you, say thank you. When you need some help, say please. When someone is pushing a stroller, hold the door for them.  Give up your seat for someone who needs it more than you do. Be kind.
      2. Manage your finances well
        Pay your bills on time. Don’t over-extend your credit. Keep a good credit rating as it will allow you to buy a car or a house. Having a poor credit rating can be a huge detriment. Pay cash or use your debit card most of the time. Use credit for emergencies only and pay it off as quickly as possible. Know how much money you have. Don’t buy things that you can’t afford. Give to causes you believe in. Tip well. Avoid “collecting” things. Buy things that you love or that you need. Spend a little more on something that you love and will use regularly rather than “saving” money on something that you will never use. Don’t open a store credit card to save 10%.
      3. Take care of your health
        You will hear this a million times over the course of your life, but there truly is nothing more valuable than your health. You won’t actually understand this until your health falters. Once you regain your health, you will probably start to forget its value again. Get a physical every year. Walk regularly. Avoid sugars and carbs. Drink water. Get outside. Your body is a gift. Take care of it.
      4. Demand answers and know where to find them
        Don’t let other people make decisions for you. Seek out information on your own. Doctors went to medical school – question them anyway. Mechanics know a lot about cars – question them anyway. Teachers are showing you new things – question them anyway. I will give you advice – publicly – on a blog – question that advice. Be your own advocate. Listen to what other people have to say and respect their intelligence and deep knowledge, but do your own research so that you understand exactly what they are saying and ask appropriate questions.
      5. Persevere
        Life will knock you down.
        Again.
        And again.
        And again.
        Go ahead and be bummed for a little bit. Then pick yourself up and find a new solution. Don’t get stuck in the world of “poor me” or “life sucks” or “why does this always happen to me.”
        Why you?
        Why NOT you? Bad things happen to everyone…yes…even you. Pick yourself up and move on. When the door shuts, find a new door.

     

    What skills do you want your daughter to have before she leaves home?
    What skills did you make sure that she had?
    What skills have served you well as an adult?

     

    Image by Michael Ruiz

  • Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    I want you to be successful in life. Not so that you can buy lots of stuff, but because the more you make, the more you can give.

    I just finished the book, “A Path Appears” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn and it was nothing short of life-changing. Although the book sells for less than $20, it is quite possibly the most expensive book I’ve ever purchased because on every page, I was inspired to reach out to someone else…to help one more person.

    “Just because we can’t help everyone doesn’t mean that we should help no one.”

    — A Path Appears

    I was raised with the belief that we should help those who need it. It’s what makes us human and what makes our lives worth living.

    Yesterday you came home with a note from school that you are collecting food for local families that need it. We immediately opened our pantry and filled a bag with food. We did this to help people in our neighborhood today, but we also did it so that you will help people all over the world for the rest of your life.

    I want you to see that what we have been given, is meant to be shared. We share our food, our home, our love, our money, out time and our talents. Whatever we have been given, is to be shared with those who need it.

    I don’t want you to walk out into the world blindly and giving everything away without thought. As with everything in life, do your research. Be thorough. And then give where it feels right.

    “If you’re buying a large-screen television, you’ll probably conduct a bit of research to make sure you get your money’s worth. Do the same with your donations.”

    — A Path Appears

    If the mom in front of you at the grocery store is a couple dollars short to pay for food for her kids, help her out. Don’t make a big deal about it. Do it quietly and without fanfare.

    If a friend is driving through town and needs a place to stay, offer your couch.

    If you see a cause either domestically or globally that angers you, give them your time and expertise.

    Be kind.

    Be generous.

    Give what you have to give, no matter how small. You’d be surprised at how valuable a smile can be to someone who really needs it. (tweet this)

     

    Note: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link

    Image by Kris