Advice for My Daughter

Category: Life

  • The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    Last weekend was a little rough for me, so I went for a drive to spend some time alone, listening to music and communing with nature. At the end of my drive, instead of turning left to head towards my house, I took a right to go towards the hospital.

    I parked by the front doors and just watched.

    I watched families walking in to visit their loved ones. I watched adult children walk out from visiting their mom or dad.

    Then I looked at the windows.

    I thought about the frustrations that made me jump into my car for an escape and I realized that I was on the outside of the hospital, looking in. They have no choice but to lie in bed all day watching television or staring at their phones or napping.

    I, however, have my health and a car to take for a drive on a beautiful day. There are no machines preventing me from living life to the fullest.

    So I said a quiet thank you and vowed not to take advantage of my gift of health for one day longer.

    I pulled out of the parking lot with a renewed outlook.

    In the one week since that visit, I have spent time at the botanic gardens, visited an historical village, took my dog on some new adventures, and visited the Clydesdales. I’ve had late night talks with my daughter and lived in the moment.

    So, I ask you…what did you do this week to really live life? Or are you more like the patients in the hospital, lying on the couch binge watching tv?

    I challenge you to get outside and take a bite out of your big, juicy life. Break free from your routines. Find some local events and try something new.

    Make new memories. They are free…and they are forever.

    If you just can’t find it in you, then take a drive to your local hospital and watch the people coming and going…then look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself:

    Am I really living?

    If the answer is no, back out of your parking spot and go live your life bigger.

     

    Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash

     

  • Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Last night, I was putting my daughter to bed and she was tucked in tightly deep inside a nest of stuffed animals.

    She looked blissful, so I asked her a simple question, “Why do you think kids sleep with lots of cozy stuffed animals, but adults don’t.”

    And her answer was deep. “Because they don’t pay attention to what they can actually do.”

    Adults don’t pay attention to what we can actually do. It’s true.

    When we are children, we have no clue what the rules are to this game called life. We don’t know that the world may look upon your talent as an artist may be looked upon differently than your talent at math. We don’t know that surgeons make more money than the cashier at Target. We don’t know that stuffed animals are considered to be just for children.

    Kids don’t know any of that. The rules haven’t been written yet.

    What an enchanting way to live.

    So back to those rules that adults follow.

    You don’t have to. Most of those rules come from the land of make believe.

    We need to learn to distinguish between “rules” and “norms.”

    Get married
    Buy a house in the suburbs
    Have 1.5 kids
    Drive to a corporate office building morning and night like a zombie
    Spend your paycheck maintaining your house so it can look like everyone else’s
    Get a raise. Get a nicer car.

    These aren’t rules. These are norms. You don’t have to follow any of them.

    Take time to listen.

    Take time to listen to that voice in your head that started as a whisper years ago and has slowly increased in volume. Just so you know, it’ll never get quieter. You can ignore it, sure, but it’s not going to stop.

    It may tell you to sell all of your possessions and start a new life in a country where you don’t even know the language.

    It may tell you to foster some kids even though you aren’t quite sure you are ready to jump in.

    It may tell you to break out of that corporate box or start using your paycheck for paint and canvas instead of throw pillows and knick knacks.

    Just listen to it.

    You are this weird, unique, amazing combination of talents and experiences that are all smooshed together in a way that has never happened before and will never happen again.

    One and done.

    Do you truly believe that you were meant to walk the same path and follow the same rules as other people?

    Of course you weren’t.

    I’m not saying that you need to fill your bed with giant stuffed unicorns and pillows that smell like cotton candy, but you can. Oh yes, my friend, you absolutely can!

    You can do a lot of things, if you take a minute to pay attention to what those things are. You did it all the time when you were a kid. You weren’t even aware that it was unusual.

    Pay attention.
    Be aware.
    And then do it.

     

    Image by ALP STUDIO

  • Hooray for the Weird Ones

    Hooray for the Weird Ones

    “You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret: All the best people are.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

    In a world where it’s easy to just fall in line and be like everyone else, I’d like to take a moment to celebrate the weird ones.

    You know who you are.

    I raise a glass:

    To the introverts, the nerds and the oddballs.

    To the mimes, the role-players and the unicycle riders.

    To the middle schoolers who don’t care what the “cool girls” think.

    To the tiny-house dwellers, the minimalists and Star Wars memorabilia collectors.

    I celebrate you.

    I celebrate you when you are doing your own thing confidently or doing it awkwardly.

    Congrats on doing the worm at the school dance. You nailed it.

    I love your vintage bellbottoms.

    Deciding to color your hair purple on your 80th birthday was amazing. You’re beautiful.

    I like your Member’s Only Jacket.

    Did you know that every morning, I drive past your car covered in daisy stickers? It makes me smile.

    So does your yellow house with purple shutters. I’m glad that you did that.

    Thank you to each and every one of you who paints your world in pink, yellow and green instead of beige, gray and white.

    Thank you to the rebels, the weirdos, the dreamers, the freaks, the artists, the misfits, the musicians, the geeks, the writers and the eccentrics. You make the world a wonderland.

    And thank you to my mom, who always allowed me to be one of the weird ones.

    Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

  • Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Two weeks ago, I was playing outside with my daughter in the 70 degree weather.

    Last week, we watched the snow fall.

    And today, we listened to birds and chased ladybugs.

    Spring does not arrive easily. It introduces itself in fits and spurts. It bravely says hello and then runs away to hide in the shadows for a bit longer.

    We all know that it will eventually arrive, but why does it have to be so fickle?

    We want to wake up on the first day of spring and dance around the yard like Snow White. We don’t want storm clouds or snow or bitter, bitter cold. But spring arrives on it’s own schedule. Many of the best things in life do.

    It arrives when it is ready to arrive…and even then, it still may regress.

    When my daughter asked me why spring was so crazy, I explained to her that in life, things often get better, then worse, then better, then worse. But eventually…one day…they stick.

    Spring will take off its shoes and get comfortable. It will settle in for a nice long stay. The birds will build their nests, just like they do every year. The dull grass will paint itself green. The rabbits will quickly say hello before running off to destroy your garden.

    It will happen. It will. But it could be bumpy for a little while, just like life.

    One day we feel like we have our finances under control, and then a big medical bill arrives.

    One day we feel like our marriage is so, so good, and then life happens and we start finding fault with everything from how the clothes are folded to the condition of the junk drawer.

    One day we work out for sixty minutes feel like Wonder Woman and the next we are looking at the clock before the warmup is even over.

    We progress. Then we regress.

    It’s the rhythm of life. Two steps forward. One step back.

    But spring will come. It always does. Go ahead and paint your toenails now. The storm is just about over.

    It’s time to celebrate the silly season.

     

    Photo by
    Allef Vinicius

  • Choose Peaceful

    Choose Peaceful

    The holiday season is in full swing and many people are buckling under the pressure.

    Too many invites. Too much shopping. Too much baking. Too much of everything.

    It doesn’t have to be this way, and quite honestly, it shouldn’t be. At all.

    I encourage you to choose differently this year.

    Choose not to spend money you don’t have, even if that means small gifts, homemade gifts, or the gift of time.

    Choose one special gathering rather than many exhausting ones.

    Choose a simple meal with your favorite foods rather than an extravagant meal that takes all day to prepare.

    Choose a walk or drive through a neighborhood rather than battling the crowds at your local “festival of lights.”

    Choose to watch holiday movies under the blankets instead of driving in circles looking for parking spots at the mall.

    Choose family and friends and gratitude and laughter.

    Reject commitments and spending and busyness and stress.

    If you have traditions that no longer make the season joyful, consider ending them and creating new ones.

    Load up the car with things you no longer use and make this season a time of letting go, lightening up and winding down.

    Make your shopping list shorter and your conversations longer. Make your laughter louder and the commercials quieter.

    Focus on presence, not presents. It changes everything.

    It’s ok to do things a little differently.

    Choose different.

    Choose peaceful.

    And have a wonderful, relaxing holiday season.

     

    Photo by:
    rawpixel.com

  • Don’t Dim Your Light. Shine On.

    Don’t Dim Your Light. Shine On.

    You have a light inside of you that shines so brightly that it makes me catch my breath. There are times that you are very aware of your light and you hold it high like a beacon for everyone to see. You stand tall and you just shine.

    Other times, you try to cover it up so you can just blend in and not stand out.

    Please don’t dim your light.

    Don’t dim it to fit in. Don’t dim it because someone thinks it’s silly. And don’t ever, ever dim it because someone tells you that your light isn’t as bright as you know it is.

    Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Oprah Winfrey was fired because she was “too emotionally invested in her stories.” Lucille Ball was urged to try another profession because she was a failed actress. Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was “too stupid to learn anything.”

    When you were born, a light was placed inside of you and as you grow older, you will choose whether you want to turn the light down or light it up like a bonfire.

    I hope you choose the latter. I hope you choose to shine.

    Image by
    Xan Griffin

  • Walk Bravely Into This One Wild Life

    Walk Bravely Into This One Wild Life

    You have been given the unique gift of living your one life in any way that you choose.

    You can step gracefully through a palette of gray and beige or you can smother it in golden yellow and french violet.

    It’s your choice.

    My recommendation is to walk bravely into this one wild life.

    Live a big juicy life filled with authenticity and moxi.

    Don’t climb the ladder. Build it.

    When your legs are shaking, go ahead and stand up, even though it’s easier to just stay seated.

    Listen more than you talk. But when you have something to say, say it with confidence.

    Wear red lipstick to Target.

    Color your hair red. Then pink. Then black. Grow it long. Cut it all off. Grow it out again.

    Stay up late writing down crazy ideas, then get up the next day and try one of them out.

    Jump in the car in January and drive south until you see palm trees.

    Eat pancakes for dinner and get cake as an appetizer.

    Be absolutely ridiculous in your twenties. Continue to be somewhat ridiculous for the next 60 years.

    Risk it all by falling head over heels in love.

    Create things.

    Learn how to dance the Electric Slide, Gangnam Style, and the Nae Nae, and when the music comes on…dance…and don’t hold back.

    Laugh. Just laugh.

    And walk bravely into this one wild life.

     

     

    Photo Credit:
    Lyndsey Marie

  • I Loooooove My Life

    I Loooooove My Life

    Last night as I was putting you to bed, you curled up quietly and said “I looooove my life.”

    And I smiled, because our life is pretty uncomplicated.

    We don’t go on big vacations and stay in fancy resorts, but we do spend every day together enjoying each other’s company.

    We don’t have you scheduled in multiple activities, but we do encourage creativity, imagination and play.

    We don’t go to the mall to stock your closet with the latest looks, but we do let you wear rain boots on days when there isn’t a cloud in the sky.

    We encourage silliness, kindness, singing loudly, hugging frequently, and staying up late when the conversation is important.

    We have sock fights, snowball fights and bread fights. (yes, we hit each other with loaves of bread…nothing strange here)

    We pet dogs wherever we go. We turn up the music in the car and sing loudly without worrying about who is watching. We say I love you…a lot. We eat ice cream on hot days and lounge in our pajamas all day when it’s raining.

    We read and read and read. We make up stories. We share secrets. We talk about our dreams. We cry.

    But mostly, we are just traveling through life together and enjoying this moment, right here.

    And I looooove my life too.

    Photo by Lotte Meijer on Unsplash

  • I Don’t Know How Many Days You Have

    I Don’t Know How Many Days You Have

    I’ve lost several friends in the past few years to cancer, ALS and other illnesses. They left my life too soon. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

    Each one of their deaths has shattered me in unexpected ways as I watched them morph from strong, healthy people who loved life into patients who weren’t ready to go yet.

    We each have a timeline, but none of us knows where the endpoint is.

    I hope that you live a very, very long life and become the beautiful old woman that I imagine you to be. But there are no guarantees.

    So my wish for you is that you LIVE your life.

    Live it big, in technicolor, and with your face to the sun.

    Stay up late.

    Give lots of hugs.

    Don’t follow the well worn path.

    Be authentic.

    Eat great chocolate.

    Be kind.

    Create things.

    Be ridiculous.

    Sing in the car, in the shower, and anywhere else that you can.

    Ooze gratitude.

    Be a good human.

    Take the vacation.

    Carve out time for your passions. It’s the real reason that you are here.

    Give your crazy ideas a shot.

    Try new things.

    Read.

    Take risks. Make mistakes. Do better.

    Live every day as if it’s a special occasion…because it is.

    Don’t get caught in the grind of every day life. You weren’t made to be like everyone else. Follow your own path. Listen to your own inner voice. Resist the temptation to take the easy route. Put the work into your passions.

    If you look back on the past five years and you don’t want the next five to look the same, then make a change. Now.

    Write the book. Take the class. Make the call. Face the fear. Take the leap. Do your thing.

    Because we don’t know when the story ends.

    Make it extraordinary.

     

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    Cover Image credit:
    Cristina Gottardi

  • What Are You Glad There are Thirty Of?

    What Are You Glad There are Thirty Of?

    Every parent knows that one of the best things about kids is that they help you see the world through new eyes.

    As adults, things like clouds, birds or bugs become mundane to us, but they can occupy hours at a time for the curious eyes of children.

    In the car yesterday, my daughter asked me a great question:

    “Mom, what are you glad there are thirty of?”

    I’ve spent a lot of time in my life pondering things, but I’ve never asked myself this question.

    We spent the next 20 minutes trying to come up with as many things as we could that we are glad there are at least 30 of:

    • Types of animals
    • Colors that make our world beautiful
    • People who love other people
    • Kinds of flowers
    • Types of creatures living in the sea
    • Flavors of ice cream
    • Days in the summer
    • Cities to visit
    • Colors of nail polish
    • Kids in school
    • Types of jobs
    • Breeds of dogs
    • People who love me

    This conversation gave us both an appreciation for the variety and differences that benefit our lives.

    What would life be like with only one breed of dog? We wouldn’t experience the joy that both tiny and gigantic dogs bring to our lives.

    What would life be like if everything was beige? There would no green trees or red flowers. It felt depressing to imagine a world without color or with just one color.

    In this short twenty minute conversation, we learned how much we value diversity and surprise. We had a fresh gratitude for the varied experiences that life provides us every day.

    The conversation naturally turned to things that we were GLAD there were not more than 30 of:

    • Spiders in our bed
    • Mean kids in our neighborhood
    • Sick people in our family

    And my favorite:

    Me. She was very, very happy that there is only one person who is just like me. And I’m grateful that there is only one her.

    This one seemingly odd question has prompted us to be more observant of the diversity in our world.

    How many different cities can we visit?

    How many types of bugs and animals are in our yard right now?

    Can we list the different kinds of pets that live in our neighborhood?

    What colors can we see in the sky at noon versus at 6pm?

    When we close our eyes and listen, how many sounds can we hear? What is the closest sound? What is the farthest?

    What is one thing that we can notice on the drive home from school that we’ve never noticed before?

    We have become more aware of the vast variety of gifts the world provides us with, as well those “once in a lifetime” moments and “once in a lifetime” people.

    So, I turn the question to you. What are things that you’re glad that there are at least thirty of?

    Share your feedback in the comments below or on Facebook.