Advice for My Daughter

Category: Kindness

  • Most People are Good

    Most People are Good

    News travels fast. Bad news travels faster.

    Years ago, news would be presented in 30 minute chunks at 5pm and 10pm. Today it is pumped out 24 hours a day by anyone who has a phone in their pocket. It’s relentless and exhausting.

    A quick look at our screen gives us a glimpse into the bad things that celebrities, politicians and fellow citizens are doing. Faced with this torrential onslaught of negativity, it’s easy to descend into the “what is WRONG with people” way of thinking.

    But I would argue that most people are good.

    How does something break through the noise to become a headline?

    It breaks through because it stands out. News is newsworthy specifically because it’s not typical. It’s not normal. It’s outside the realm of what usually happens.

    Most planes don’t crash, so a plane crashing is rare and newsworthy.

    Most people aren’t corrupt, so corrupt people are shocking.

    Most schoolchildren aren’t violent, so violent kids make headlines.

    The news focuses on things that don’t happen every day. It’s not a view into humanity as a whole, but rather a view into the most remarkable parts of humanity.

    Some people do bad things, but most people are good.

    We each have our own unique combination of virtue and vice, but most people try to avoid pain to ourselves and to others. Most of us worry about our parents, our children and our neighbors. We generally follow basic traffic rules, say thank you to people who provide us with services, and want the best for those that we love.

    As stated by Psychology Today, “We’re a complicated species–both moral and immoral as our environment and physiology dictate. But, mostly the moral dominates.”

    We hold open the elevator door on Monday and quickly push the close button on Tuesday, but most of us aren’t downright evil.

    Most people are good.

    I encourage you to walk into the world with an open mind and open heart.

    Be cautious, but kind.

    Approach every encounter knowing that you don’t know the whole story.

    Be compassionate.

    Offer grace.

    Be a better version of you today than you were yesterday…and if you fail…try again tomorrow.

    And while you are fighting your own battles, remember that other people are fighting theirs as well. We don’t know what we don’t know.

    And as you scroll through your news feed and think to yourself, “What’s WRONG with people?” I encourage you to pause, take a deep breath, and remember all that is RIGHT with people.

     

    Photo by Rémi Walle on Unsplash

  • What Did You Do Today That Mattered?

    What Did You Do Today That Mattered?

    Every night before bed, we all have to answer two questions to make sure that we are putting our lives to good use.

    1. What was the best part of your day?
    2. What did you do today that mattered?

    What Was the Best Part of Your Day?

    The first question is meant to find the joy in every day…that little nugget of sunshine. It helps us to focus on the positives. Maybe you were sick or maybe your boyfriend broke up with you, but somewhere between the time you woke up and now…something good happened.

    On the great days it could be as big as “I got accepted to college” or “Taking first place in the 5K.”

    On the rough days it could be as simple as “It didn’t rain” or “My hair looked nice.”

    The point of the question is to take a moment every day to appreciate the gifts the day has given us.

    But the second question is the power question. It’s about others, not you.

    What Did You Today That Mattered?

    This question requires us to pause and think about what we did today to make the world a better place for someone else.

    There will be times that you will look back on an AMAZING day filled with fun, but you struggle to think of one thing that really mattered.

    Other times you will look back on an awful day and realize that even though it wasn’t a fun day, it was a day filled with purpose.

    A couple of months ago, I sat next to my mother-in-law’s hospice bed, held her hand and said goodbye. At the end of that day, I didn’t have much to say in regards to the best part of my day, but I spent my day doing something that mattered.

    Life isn’t all about the fun parts, the laughter and the cash and prizes. All fun and no meaning doesn’t make for a great life.

    I want my daughter to grow up with the understanding that she wasn’t put on this earth just for her own pleasure. She was put here to be a benefit to others, to be kind, to be helpful and to do things that matter.

    Hold open doors. Give a friend a hug. Round up your purchase to donate to a cause. Vote. Cook dinner. Water your plants. Compliment someone. Study for a test. Read a book. Listen to a co-worker. Exercise. Call your mom.

    Do something that matters. Every day. And remind yourself each night that life is about making a difference in one other life as often as possible.

     

    Photo by Pedro Kümmel on Unsplash

  • 9 Ways to Help Others Shine

    9 Ways to Help Others Shine

    The life stage that we perform on is not a one-woman show. We all have parts to play and the better we support each other, the better life will be for everyone.

    There is an unlimited amount of joy that can be spread around. Lifting one person up, doesn’t bring another one down.

    Here are nine simple ways to make other people shine.

    1. When you see someone who is having a rough day, give them a small compliment. They may desperately need it.
    2. Give 110% when you go to work. When you make your boss look good, you also make yourself look good.
    3. If you receive good service, tell the manager.
    4. Praise publicly.
    5. If someone makes a mistake, but they honestly tried, don’t beat them up over. Chances are they have already done that to themselves. Compliment them on their effort.
    6. Ask people questions about things they are interested in, even if you know nothing about them. They will feel acknowledged and you will learn something new.
    7. Choose one friend each day and send them a note about why they mean so much to you. It’s very easy to take our friends for granted and it’s rare to every let them know their importance.
    8. If a friend has a special talent, recommend them to someone who could use their skills.
    9. Tell someone that you think they are a good friend, a good mom, a good teacher, or a good person.

    Lifting people up feels good and it is deeply meaningful.

    It only takes a few moments to make someone shine brightly today.

     

    Image: Martin Fisch

     

  • Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Throughout your life, you will find yourself in situations where you can make a choice to do what’s right or do what’s easy.

    Choose doing the right thing as often as possible.

    Choosing what’s right can be small:

    • Holding the door open for the mom with the stroller
    • Letting the cashier know that she gave you too much change
    • Telling the truth when you spill something on the couch
    • Checking the tags on the stray dog and helping to find her home

    Choosing what’s right can also be huge:

    • Standing up for a friend when everyone is picking on them
    • Letting someone speak their mind, even if you don’t agree with it
    • Fighting for someone’s rights, because they are being wronged

    As we approach Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I want you to know the importance of being good in all things that you do. He fought, peacefully, for the rights of African Americans, yes, but for also the rights of all human beings. When we put one group of people inside of box and treat them differently, it hurts everyone.

    When you have something to say, say it politely, but adamantly. Defend people who need defending. Be kind when kindness is desperately needed.

    Be honest.

    Be good.

    Be helpful.

    Do the right thing when the right thing is hard to do. You will never regret doing the right thing, but doing the wrong thing may haunt you forever.

     

    My book suggestions on equality and kindness:
       

  • Expand Your Greatness Outward

    Expand Your Greatness Outward

    The term “ego” is often used when referring to someone who is self-centered or self-focused. There is, however, a different way of looking at it.

    The ego represents the self and how you distinguish yourself from other people. All of us are distinct and all of us have unique talents. I prefer to think of ego as “Expanding Greatness Outward.”

    Your talents are a gift. Don’t hide them. Don’t minimize them.

    Celebrate the abilities that you have been given by sharing them with others.

    Teach.

    If you write, write regularly so others can learn from you.

    If you are joyful, pick other people up when they are sad or lonely.

    If you are good at finances, help those who aren’t.

    If you know something that someone else doesn’t, tell them. Don’t squander your knowledge.

    And don’t ever, ever, ever hide your abilities.

    Discover what makes you unique and sprinkle a little bit of it everywhere you go. Honor your talents by sharing them with others.

    Expand your greatness outward.

  • Give Privately

    Give Privately

    When people need help, help them whenever you can. If a friend is going through a hard time, give them a hand up. Give to your church, your neighbors, your friends, and to people worlds away whom you’ve never met.

    Whether you give big or give small, there is one secret that I want to share about giving: keep it private.

    Why?

    Because giving is something you do to help someone who needs it. The reward is the joy that THEY receive, not the recognition that YOU receive. Giving is the reward.

    Send money to a friend dealing with a health issue….and don’t tell anyone that you did it.

    Buy breakfast for the homeless man you see on the way to work every day…and don’t tell your co-workers.

    You’ll notice that it feels different when you give without receiving external validation. It’s like a little secret between you and the recipient. A happy secret.

    Be the kind of person who helps when you see a need. Help because it’s who you are, not because of what you get.

    Give regularly.

    Give thoughtfully.

    Give.

     

  • What it Means to Be Rich

    What it Means to Be Rich

    You are rich.

    When I tell you this, you laugh and say that you aren’t. But you are.

    Today we visited The Compassion Experience where we walked through a re-creation of the life stories of children living in poverty.  We walked through their homes and saw the rooms these children grew up in. We heard the sounds of drunk men trying to pound in the door. We learned about child brides and girls dropping out of school at the age of seven so they could work to support the family.

    And we learned that we are rich.

    Being rich means never being hungry. It means that your full-time job is to go to school. It means that you get to choose who (or if) you want to marry. It means that your home is warm when it’s cold outside. It means that you are encouraged to use your voice to help others. It means that you are loved deeply and unconditionally.

    There were children in these stories who were never, ever told that they were loved.

    When you heard that, your mouth dropped in disbelief. Of all the things you saw today, the one thing that was completely outside your understanding, was that a child was not shown love.

    You are loved. You are warm. You are fed. You are empowered.

    And you are rich.

    Image by Zoriah

  • How to Treat the Elderly

    How to Treat the Elderly

    As far as the earth goes, you are brand-spanking new. Your skin is tight and shiny. Your teeth are flawless. Your energy is boundless.

    And you will believe, for a very long time, that you will always be this way.

    Until you aren’t.

    It may start when your weight starts creeping up on you. Or maybe it will be the moment that the doctor tells you that you need reading glasses. Maybe a tooth will crack while you are eating popcorn.

    I don’t know how it will happen. But it will.

    And it will be both shocking and terrifying.

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be.

     

    Realizing that you won’t be 22 forever is a surprise, even though you innately know that you can’t be. (tweet this)

     

    You will get older.

    Your skin will get dull spots where there once was a glistening tan.
    Your teeth may be made of porcelain, not bone.
    Your hearing might miss some of the quieter conversations at the dinner table.

    Bodies wear down after a life well lived.

    Remember this when you are stuck behind a woman walking slowly in front of you when you are trying to run through the airport.

    Remember this when you notice an older person sitting alone at a family gathering.

    They can’t believe this is happening to them. They didn’t really understand that one day, they would be the old person in the room that people find inconvenient.

    They used to be young, vibrant, powerful, helpful. Now they feel their independence slipping slowly away.

    It’s frustrating…and sometimes humiliating. This wasn’t how they used to be.

    Try to look past the faded skin and tired eyes to see their heart and their mind. Talk to them. Connect with them. Understand them.

    Because they are just like you.

    And one day…far, far away…you will be just like them.

     

    Image by Marjan Lazarevski

  • Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    Don’t Be Quick to Judge

    When other people make mistakes, it’s very easy to jump to negative conclusions that generally center around, “what an idiot” “why would someone DO that” or “are you KIDDING me!”

    But we make mistakes, it normally comes from a place of “Uh-Oh” “Oh-No” or “I can’t believe I did that…I’m so sorry!”

    That’s a pretty big discrepancy. We tend to assume the best in ourselves and the worst in others.

    She’s late for the movie because she’s inconsiderate. I’m late for the movie because I fell asleep on the couch on accident.

    When someone cuts me off in traffic it’s because they don’t know how to drive. When I cut someone off in traffic it’s because they were in my blind spot.

    Please don’t be quick to judge. It’s ugly behavior and it puts you at the center of the universe. You aren’t the sun…you are one of many planets circling around the sun trying to get through the day without banging into any space junk.

    And so is everyone else.

    I believe that people are generally kind and generally good. I believe that with all of my heart. It’s very easy to watch the news and feel like the entire world is filled with horrible people.

    It’s just not true. The news doesn’t send a crew to Target when someone hits a car with their cart and they leave a note because they feel bad. They don’t report on the person who chatted with a lonely stranger on the bus. But these things happen all the time…every day…all over the world.

    Try to have compassion towards people and realize that they are doing the best they can. Maybe they are rude because they just left the hospital where their father underwent heart surgery. You don’t know.

    Give them the benefit of the doubt.

    Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be humble.

    People deserve that….even the grumpy ones. (tweet this)

     

    Image by Hina Ichigo

  • Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    Give Generously of Your Time and Your Money

    I want you to be successful in life. Not so that you can buy lots of stuff, but because the more you make, the more you can give.

    I just finished the book, “A Path Appears” by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn and it was nothing short of life-changing. Although the book sells for less than $20, it is quite possibly the most expensive book I’ve ever purchased because on every page, I was inspired to reach out to someone else…to help one more person.

    “Just because we can’t help everyone doesn’t mean that we should help no one.”

    — A Path Appears

    I was raised with the belief that we should help those who need it. It’s what makes us human and what makes our lives worth living.

    Yesterday you came home with a note from school that you are collecting food for local families that need it. We immediately opened our pantry and filled a bag with food. We did this to help people in our neighborhood today, but we also did it so that you will help people all over the world for the rest of your life.

    I want you to see that what we have been given, is meant to be shared. We share our food, our home, our love, our money, out time and our talents. Whatever we have been given, is to be shared with those who need it.

    I don’t want you to walk out into the world blindly and giving everything away without thought. As with everything in life, do your research. Be thorough. And then give where it feels right.

    “If you’re buying a large-screen television, you’ll probably conduct a bit of research to make sure you get your money’s worth. Do the same with your donations.”

    — A Path Appears

    If the mom in front of you at the grocery store is a couple dollars short to pay for food for her kids, help her out. Don’t make a big deal about it. Do it quietly and without fanfare.

    If a friend is driving through town and needs a place to stay, offer your couch.

    If you see a cause either domestically or globally that angers you, give them your time and expertise.

    Be kind.

    Be generous.

    Give what you have to give, no matter how small. You’d be surprised at how valuable a smile can be to someone who really needs it. (tweet this)

     

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    Image by Kris