Advice for My Daughter

Category: Inspiration

  • Take the Picture

    Take the Picture

    Last week, my family went on a trip to Sedona, Arizona. If you’ve never been there, it’s spectacular. As you drive north from Phoenix, the red rocks pop up on the horizon and demand your attention.

    They are breathtaking.

    The hotel we stayed at offered spectacular views of Sugarloaf Mountain. I drank them in every morning like coffee and soaked them up every evening like a warm bath. Before we left, I decided that I wanted to take a photo of the view so that I could hang it on my wall at home and always have that view within my reach.

    I took a photo. And another. And another. Each time, the image wasn’t even close to what I was seeing with my eyes. I saw red, amber, peach, coral, rust, champagne, fire orange, and scarlet. I felt a depth and power that gave me a sense a calm.

    But my picture was flat. It looked brown and dark red. It didn’t inspire me at all. Yes, it captured an image of the mountain, but in real life, it was about a million times more beautiful. No matter how hard I tried, the picture didn’t match the beauty of the mountain.

    People are the same.

    When my daughter takes a picture of me, I quickly see the 15 extra pounds, the frizzy hair, and a woman that looks older on the outside than I feel on the inside.

    But when she looks at the picture, she says “Look how cute you are!”

    She is seeing the actual mountain. I am seeing the flat image. She sees ME. I see a cheap knockoff.

    As women, it’s common for us to look back at a years worth of photos and see just a handful of photos of us. This could be because we tend to be the ones taking the photos (so we aren’t in them) or it could be because we only want to be photographed at our best.

    Whatever the reason, take the picture.

    The photo will never reflect how amazing you are. It can’t capture the fire in your spirit, the sound of your laughter, or the depth of your compassion. It’s simply a replica, an imitation. But it’s also a trigger that sparks all the emotions they felt when they took it. They will remember how it felt on that day. The picture is the spark, not the fire.

    You will never be able to capture the beauty of the sunset over the ocean, the unbearable tranquility of your child sleeping, the joy of your mother dancing, or the vibrance of a butterfly resting. Pictures can’t do that.

    Take them anyway. And allow them to open the door to your memories.

    Take the picture.

    Photo by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

  • You are Enough

    You are Enough

    In a world where you can be anything you want, I hope that you realize that whatever you choose to become or whatever the world allows you to become…you are enough.

    Society has created benchmarks where we can check in to see how are we are measuring up.

    Do you have the right job title? The right jeans size? The right zip code? The right logo on our makeup?

    Guess what? You do.

    Because you are enough exactly as you are.

    Scratch that.

    You are amazing.

    You are amazing when you chat with your friend until she no longer feels lonely.

    You are amazing when your co-worker makes a mistake and you tell them that you’ve done the same thing…more than once.

    You are amazing when you cook a three course meal, grilled cheese sandwiches, or order out because you are just so tired.

    You are amazing in your stretchy pants that are two sizes bigger than they were last year.

    You are amazing when you sing loudly and imperfectly to Bohemian Rhapsody.

    You are amazing when you make someone laugh, when they feel like they will never stop crying.

    You are amazing when you drink green juice for breakfast, eat Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch, or live on coffee…just coffee.

    You are amazing when you break the rules…because life is more fun that way.

    You are amazing when you listen, really listen.

    You are amazing when you do nerdy things, creative things, or athletic things.

    You are amazing because of who you are.

    No labels. No measuring sticks. No keeping up with the Kardashians.

    Just you. Amazing, wonderful, you.

    You. Are. Enough.

    Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

  • Create Something

    Create Something

    Every morning, we are given a brand new set of 24 hours that we can use in whatever way we choose. We can work. We can sleep. We can pay bills. We can clean the house. We can play with our children. We can talk to those we love.

    And we can create.

    Finding time in your day to create something that didn’t exist previously, allows you to take your world and make it bigger. You have the power to expand the universe…to make it more beautiful, more colorful, and more memorable.

    You can use paint, pencil, words or sound to give birth to something beautiful, weird, or wonderful.

    And the creation that you make will then do something amazing. It will re-create you. It will turn the weeds of your heart into breathtaking daisies and the dark clouds in your mind into shockingly bright skies.

    Art can do that. And it’s been influencing humans for over 40,000 years. It’s what people do to connect ourselves to the earth and to each other.

    Find a quiet space or a chaotic space and sink into it. Let the quiet pull the art out or let the noise stir the art inside you. But find the scattered pieces of you and turn them into something tangible.

    Turn your spirit into substance.

    Draw it. Write it. Photograph it. Paint it. Play it. Build it. Sing it. Dance it. Film it. Act it. Mold it.

    Create it.

    Create something new that wasn’t there before.

    Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

  • The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    Last weekend was a little rough for me, so I went for a drive to spend some time alone, listening to music and communing with nature. At the end of my drive, instead of turning left to head towards my house, I took a right to go towards the hospital.

    I parked by the front doors and just watched.

    I watched families walking in to visit their loved ones. I watched adult children walk out from visiting their mom or dad.

    Then I looked at the windows.

    I thought about the frustrations that made me jump into my car for an escape and I realized that I was on the outside of the hospital, looking in. They have no choice but to lie in bed all day watching television or staring at their phones or napping.

    I, however, have my health and a car to take for a drive on a beautiful day. There are no machines preventing me from living life to the fullest.

    So I said a quiet thank you and vowed not to take advantage of my gift of health for one day longer.

    I pulled out of the parking lot with a renewed outlook.

    In the one week since that visit, I have spent time at the botanic gardens, visited an historical village, took my dog on some new adventures, and visited the Clydesdales. I’ve had late night talks with my daughter and lived in the moment.

    So, I ask you…what did you do this week to really live life? Or are you more like the patients in the hospital, lying on the couch binge watching tv?

    I challenge you to get outside and take a bite out of your big, juicy life. Break free from your routines. Find some local events and try something new.

    Make new memories. They are free…and they are forever.

    If you just can’t find it in you, then take a drive to your local hospital and watch the people coming and going…then look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself:

    Am I really living?

    If the answer is no, back out of your parking spot and go live your life bigger.

     

    Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash

     

  • Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Adults Don’t Pay Attention to What They Can Actually Do

    Last night, I was putting my daughter to bed and she was tucked in tightly deep inside a nest of stuffed animals.

    She looked blissful, so I asked her a simple question, “Why do you think kids sleep with lots of cozy stuffed animals, but adults don’t.”

    And her answer was deep. “Because they don’t pay attention to what they can actually do.”

    Adults don’t pay attention to what we can actually do. It’s true.

    When we are children, we have no clue what the rules are to this game called life. We don’t know that the world may look upon your talent as an artist may be looked upon differently than your talent at math. We don’t know that surgeons make more money than the cashier at Target. We don’t know that stuffed animals are considered to be just for children.

    Kids don’t know any of that. The rules haven’t been written yet.

    What an enchanting way to live.

    So back to those rules that adults follow.

    You don’t have to. Most of those rules come from the land of make believe.

    We need to learn to distinguish between “rules” and “norms.”

    Get married
    Buy a house in the suburbs
    Have 1.5 kids
    Drive to a corporate office building morning and night like a zombie
    Spend your paycheck maintaining your house so it can look like everyone else’s
    Get a raise. Get a nicer car.

    These aren’t rules. These are norms. You don’t have to follow any of them.

    Take time to listen.

    Take time to listen to that voice in your head that started as a whisper years ago and has slowly increased in volume. Just so you know, it’ll never get quieter. You can ignore it, sure, but it’s not going to stop.

    It may tell you to sell all of your possessions and start a new life in a country where you don’t even know the language.

    It may tell you to foster some kids even though you aren’t quite sure you are ready to jump in.

    It may tell you to break out of that corporate box or start using your paycheck for paint and canvas instead of throw pillows and knick knacks.

    Just listen to it.

    You are this weird, unique, amazing combination of talents and experiences that are all smooshed together in a way that has never happened before and will never happen again.

    One and done.

    Do you truly believe that you were meant to walk the same path and follow the same rules as other people?

    Of course you weren’t.

    I’m not saying that you need to fill your bed with giant stuffed unicorns and pillows that smell like cotton candy, but you can. Oh yes, my friend, you absolutely can!

    You can do a lot of things, if you take a minute to pay attention to what those things are. You did it all the time when you were a kid. You weren’t even aware that it was unusual.

    Pay attention.
    Be aware.
    And then do it.

     

    Image by ALP STUDIO

  • Don’t Dim Your Light. Shine On.

    Don’t Dim Your Light. Shine On.

    You have a light inside of you that shines so brightly that it makes me catch my breath. There are times that you are very aware of your light and you hold it high like a beacon for everyone to see. You stand tall and you just shine.

    Other times, you try to cover it up so you can just blend in and not stand out.

    Please don’t dim your light.

    Don’t dim it to fit in. Don’t dim it because someone thinks it’s silly. And don’t ever, ever dim it because someone tells you that your light isn’t as bright as you know it is.

    Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Oprah Winfrey was fired because she was “too emotionally invested in her stories.” Lucille Ball was urged to try another profession because she was a failed actress. Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was “too stupid to learn anything.”

    When you were born, a light was placed inside of you and as you grow older, you will choose whether you want to turn the light down or light it up like a bonfire.

    I hope you choose the latter. I hope you choose to shine.

    Image by
    Xan Griffin

  • Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    Don’t Be Like Me. Be Like You.

    The other day you said those eleven magical words that can absolutely make a mother melt:

    “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

    What more could a mother wish for than for her daughter to look up to her in such a way, that she dreams of one day being just like her?

    I believe there is an even better wish. I hope that when you grow up, you are just like YOU.

    Each of us was created with a unique combination of characteristics, gifts and passions. The mold is made….and broken. The recipe for “you” isn’t one that can be repeated.

    You have strengths that I don’t have and passions that are different than mine. And I’ve never, ever met anyone who is just like you.

    So be that.

    Be it 100%. Be you with all of your flaws and all of your uniqueness.

    Be you when it helps you fit in.

    Be you when it makes you stand out.

    Be you when the world is telling you to be them.

    Be you when you are telling yourself to be me.

    I won’t agree with all of your choices, I’m sure of that, but they are YOUR choices.

    My job as your mother is to give you guidance and values and then to send you off into the world and trust that I did my best.

    Your job is to share your special gifts with passion and conviction.

    It makes my heart happy to know that you look up to me and that I can be a guide for you in this, sometimes overwhelming, world. I’ll be your safety and your home. You can trust me 100% with every crazy idea you may come up with. I’ll stand alongside you when life gets messy and confusing.

    And I’ll watch you learn what it means to be you. To really, really be you.

    There is a catch though. It may take a while to figure out exactly who “you” is, and the journey can be full of mistakes and discomfort.

     

    You’ll choose the wrong friends, the wrong career, or the wrong attitude. You’ll try one thing on and decide if it suits you or not. This process doesn’t take years, it takes decades.

    But you’ll get there.

    You will find out who you really are and it will feel like slipping on a cozy pair of pajamas.

    And they will be YOUR pajamas. Not mine.

    And you will be spectacular.

    Because you will finally have discovered YOU.

  • Daughter’s Bill of Rights

    Daughter’s Bill of Rights

    I have the right to have a Dad who is committed to what he believes and strives to understand what that means for his role in the world.

    I have the right to have a Dad who is in the moment and not living in his head.

    I have the right to have a Dad who is healthy and believes in himself enough to strive for this every day.

    I have the right to a Dad who loves Mom with all his heart and invests in that love.

    I have the right to a Dad who chases his dreams no matter how many years are behind him.

    I have the right to walks and talks with Dad that have no specific destination.

    No matter how old I get, I have the right to cry on his shoulder or ask for a hugs – because I need one (or just want one).

    I have the right to a Dad who needs a shoulder to cry on.

    No matter what the clock says in his time-zone or mine, I have the right to call and ask how to fix a leaky faucet, an argument with a friend, or a broken heart.

    I have the right to love myself the way he loves me, unconditionally, every day, without waver.

    I have the right to call Dad ‘just because’ and expect calls from him for the same reason.

    I have the right to not let life’s events and challenges define me.

    I have the right to let life’s events and challenges make me a better person.

    When Dad is over-the-top proud of me, I have the right to look at myself through his eyes and not doubt the source. (This is the only time that Dad is always right.)

    When Dad tells stupid jokes it is within my rights to roll-my-eyes on the outside whether or not I am suppressing an inner chuckle.

    I have the right to fail and not try and fix it all myself.

    I have the right to fail and laugh at myself, to fail and try again. To fail the way Dad has… over and over again.

    I have the right to succeed – bigger than I thought possible and smaller than anyone else will notice. In both cases, I have the right to be proud of myself the way Dad is.

    I have the right to ask myself “What would Dad do?” and do it differently because he is not always right and this is my life.

    I have the right to be ‘judge and jury’ when Dad is treading on my rights.

    I have the right to be enough. To be me. And to invest in becoming 100% me.

    I have the right to amend this bill of rights because my life is still unfolding.

    And, most importantly I have the right to grant these same rights to Dad.

     

    [Kurt Nahikian is a defender of big ideas and an extraordinary father of a daughter who is taking the world by storm]

  • Expand Your Greatness Outward

    Expand Your Greatness Outward

    The term “ego” is often used when referring to someone who is self-centered or self-focused. There is, however, a different way of looking at it.

    The ego represents the self and how you distinguish yourself from other people. All of us are distinct and all of us have unique talents. I prefer to think of ego as “Expanding Greatness Outward.”

    Your talents are a gift. Don’t hide them. Don’t minimize them.

    Celebrate the abilities that you have been given by sharing them with others.

    Teach.

    If you write, write regularly so others can learn from you.

    If you are joyful, pick other people up when they are sad or lonely.

    If you are good at finances, help those who aren’t.

    If you know something that someone else doesn’t, tell them. Don’t squander your knowledge.

    And don’t ever, ever, ever hide your abilities.

    Discover what makes you unique and sprinkle a little bit of it everywhere you go. Honor your talents by sharing them with others.

    Expand your greatness outward.

  • The Importance of Making Great Memories

    The Importance of Making Great Memories

    I was watching a Jimmy Fallon clip today with Lionel Richie (which was very funny), and immediately after watching it, I felt sad. I grew up with Lionel Richie. I watched his videos on MTV. He was young and new and I was young and free.

    I wanted to go back…just for a visit.

    I wanted to lay on the couch in my neon socks and watch the Thriller video with my friends.

    I wanted to take the bus to the mall and buy Duran Duran buttons for my jean jacket.

    I wanted to wear two Swatch watches.

    But I can’t go back. Ever. And it made me sad.

    Make Things. Do Things. Change Things. Visit New Places. Make MistakesIn the movie Inside Out, we saw the warehouse that holds all of our memories. The one’s that we don’t access begin to vanish. The ones that we may need to access sit on a shelf and can be found when we look hard enough. But the really, really good memories become core memories. They are the foundation of who we are today.

    It’s impossible to go back to time of great joy (or great sadness), but what we can do is bring the big memories with us. I don’t know what I ate for breakfast on October 7th, 2011, that memory has vanished forever, but I will always remember the day I spent with my nephew driving and talking…just the two of us. I’ll never forget how uncomfortable my pregnant sister was watching Forrest Gump, only to see her firstborn through the window of the hospital nursery the following day. I’ll never forget dancing with my friends in a dark, crowded teen dance club.

    Those memories all came with me.

    So, my advice to you is not to make good memories, but to make great ones. Don’t squander your time away flipping endlessly through twitter or binge watching a tv show, just so you can move on to another.

    Make memories. Do interesting things.

    Have great conversations about things that matter to you. Help someone at their exact moment of need. Spend lots and lots and lots of time with your friends. Listen to people. Make things. Do things. Change things. Visit new places. Try different hobbies to discover that you love them, or hate them. Make mistakes.

    Do something.

    What you do today will go with you. You will carry it around like a suitcase. It’s up to you whether your suitcase is packed with vibrant memories or just ribbons of what could have been.

    You can never go back. Today will be gone. My question to you is….what will you bring with you?

     

    image by Prathima