Advice for My Daughter

Category: Holidays & Special Occasions

  • Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Spring Does Not Arrive Easily, But It Always Arrives

    Two weeks ago, I was playing outside with my daughter in the 70 degree weather.

    Last week, we watched the snow fall.

    And today, we listened to birds and chased ladybugs.

    Spring does not arrive easily. It introduces itself in fits and spurts. It bravely says hello and then runs away to hide in the shadows for a bit longer.

    We all know that it will eventually arrive, but why does it have to be so fickle?

    We want to wake up on the first day of spring and dance around the yard like Snow White. We don’t want storm clouds or snow or bitter, bitter cold. But spring arrives on it’s own schedule. Many of the best things in life do.

    It arrives when it is ready to arrive…and even then, it still may regress.

    When my daughter asked me why spring was so crazy, I explained to her that in life, things often get better, then worse, then better, then worse. But eventually…one day…they stick.

    Spring will take off its shoes and get comfortable. It will settle in for a nice long stay. The birds will build their nests, just like they do every year. The dull grass will paint itself green. The rabbits will quickly say hello before running off to destroy your garden.

    It will happen. It will. But it could be bumpy for a little while, just like life.

    One day we feel like we have our finances under control, and then a big medical bill arrives.

    One day we feel like our marriage is so, so good, and then life happens and we start finding fault with everything from how the clothes are folded to the condition of the junk drawer.

    One day we work out for sixty minutes feel like Wonder Woman and the next we are looking at the clock before the warmup is even over.

    We progress. Then we regress.

    It’s the rhythm of life. Two steps forward. One step back.

    But spring will come. It always does. Go ahead and paint your toenails now. The storm is just about over.

    It’s time to celebrate the silly season.

     

    Photo by
    Allef Vinicius

  • Choose Peaceful

    Choose Peaceful

    The holiday season is in full swing and many people are buckling under the pressure.

    Too many invites. Too much shopping. Too much baking. Too much of everything.

    It doesn’t have to be this way, and quite honestly, it shouldn’t be. At all.

    I encourage you to choose differently this year.

    Choose not to spend money you don’t have, even if that means small gifts, homemade gifts, or the gift of time.

    Choose one special gathering rather than many exhausting ones.

    Choose a simple meal with your favorite foods rather than an extravagant meal that takes all day to prepare.

    Choose a walk or drive through a neighborhood rather than battling the crowds at your local “festival of lights.”

    Choose to watch holiday movies under the blankets instead of driving in circles looking for parking spots at the mall.

    Choose family and friends and gratitude and laughter.

    Reject commitments and spending and busyness and stress.

    If you have traditions that no longer make the season joyful, consider ending them and creating new ones.

    Load up the car with things you no longer use and make this season a time of letting go, lightening up and winding down.

    Make your shopping list shorter and your conversations longer. Make your laughter louder and the commercials quieter.

    Focus on presence, not presents. It changes everything.

    It’s ok to do things a little differently.

    Choose different.

    Choose peaceful.

    And have a wonderful, relaxing holiday season.

     

    Photo by:
    rawpixel.com

  • A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    A Special Graduation Gift That Takes 13 Years to Make

    The end of the school year is approaching and while I enjoy going through end of the year papers and reflecting back on the growth that happened over the past 9 months, I also look forward to my annual end-of-school tradition.

    Step 1

    Head over to your local bookstore or Amazon and get a copy of Oh! The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. If you are unfamiliar with it, it’s a wonderful book about looking towards the future and beginning a new adventure. The best time to buy this book is before your child finishes kindergarten. The second best time is right now.

    Step 2

    As the school year winds down, drop the book at school for your child’s teacher along with a note asking them to write their insights about your child’s talents or personality and some well wishes.

    Step 3

    Store it in a safe place so that you can find it again next year.

    Step 4

    Wrap it up and give it to your child at their high school graduation. It’s amazing to look at the notes throughout the years and see the many consistencies about their personality and gifts.

     

    As kids become adults, it can be easy to lose touch with the foundation of who they are. Looking back at these comments can jolt them back to the child they once were.

    I have been doing this for my daughter since she was in preschool and it’s astounding how similar the comments are. When she turns 18 and is ready to head out and blaze her own path, I hope this serves as a constant reminder of all the places she can go if she remembers who she always was and who she is meant to be.

    “You have brains in your head you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” – Dr. Seuss

  • Decluttering Christmas

    Decluttering Christmas

    The holidays are behind us and the decluttering is well underway. Each year, when it’s time to take down the decorations, we go to the basement and bring up all of the bins, put the decorations back in them and store them away.

    But there is always one small issue: the bins aren’t empty when I put the decorations into them because I never use all of the decorations. It was time to let go of the decorations that we don’t love. And, honestly, if I loved them, they would have been on display this year.

    It was time to declutter Christmas.

    I opened up each bin and went through every item inside it one at a time:

    Old stockings that we used to use, but we don’t anymore because we got new ones a few years back: donated

    Ornaments that are broken: trashed

    Ornaments that we don’t love: donated

    Decorations and garlands that we don’t love: donated

    Old Christmas cards that bring back wonderful memories: trashed

    Does that sound painful? It wasn’t, actually. Because it’s just stuff. I sat down on the floor with my daughter with a garbage bag to my left and a donate box to my right. She participated with me and enjoyed eliminating stuff that doesn’t have value to us anymore.

    I’ve always been very sentimental and getting rid of things that have strong memories has always been the hardest part of decluttering for me, but I need to live my life in the present moment and old Christmas cards just aren’t that precious to me.

    The ornaments that my mother and daughter made for me were stored neatly away until next year along with our stockings. When we pull out our two full bins next year, every item will be special. We won’t have to sort through broken lights or random ornaments to get to the treasures.

    They are all treasures, because we decluttered Christmas.

    Photo by Benjamin Catapane on Unsplash

  • A Letter to My Daughter on Mother’s Day

    A Letter to My Daughter on Mother’s Day

    This Sunday, you will come into my bedroom and wake me up with a card and a gift and a bright and shiny “Happy Mother’s Day!!!”

    And my heart will explode. It does that every year…and almost every day.

    I still can’t believe that my name is actually “mom.”

    For years my eyes would burn and my heart would ache on the second Sunday in May. I would watch my friends enjoy their well-wishes while I would quietly crumble inside.

    But this Sunday, a little voice will jolt me awake. And she will call me mom.

    For that, I am thankful.

    Thank you for sleepless nights and joy filled days.

    For Friday night sleepovers and Saturday morning snuggles.

    For dancing in the driveway and singing in the car.

    For sharing your fears and listening to mine.

    For being strong and weak and afraid and determined.

    For being a good friend and a kind neighbor.

    For being my favorite artist and personal singer.

    For loving me when I screw up over and over and over again.

    For laundry baskets filled with tiny shirts.

    For a driveway covered in chalk.

    For burning feet as we chase the ice cream truck across the hot pavement.

    For presenting me with a dandelion as if it were the rarest of roses.

    Thank you for smiles
    and messes
    and late nights
    and early mornings
    and legos on the floor
    and stuffed animals in my bed
    and crumbs in the car
    and sticky fingers
    and loud music
    and untied shoes
    and knots in your hair
    and messy countertops
    and out of control birthday parties
    and spilled milk
    and rocks in your pockets
    and piles of drawings
    and muddy shoes
    and conversations in the bathroom
    and water balloon fights
    and stacks of books everywhere
    and french fries in the back seat
    and visits with every dog on every block
    and runny noses
    and being late
    and afternoons at the library
    and pillow fights past bedtime
    and love
    and laughter
    and for calling me mom.

    I’m your mom. And today you celebrate me.

    But today, I celebrate you and the name that I now bear only because you exist.

    I’m your mom.

    Thank you for choosing me.

     

     

  • Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Do What’s Right | Celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Throughout your life, you will find yourself in situations where you can make a choice to do what’s right or do what’s easy.

    Choose doing the right thing as often as possible.

    Choosing what’s right can be small:

    • Holding the door open for the mom with the stroller
    • Letting the cashier know that she gave you too much change
    • Telling the truth when you spill something on the couch
    • Checking the tags on the stray dog and helping to find her home

    Choosing what’s right can also be huge:

    • Standing up for a friend when everyone is picking on them
    • Letting someone speak their mind, even if you don’t agree with it
    • Fighting for someone’s rights, because they are being wronged

    As we approach Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I want you to know the importance of being good in all things that you do. He fought, peacefully, for the rights of African Americans, yes, but for also the rights of all human beings. When we put one group of people inside of box and treat them differently, it hurts everyone.

    When you have something to say, say it politely, but adamantly. Defend people who need defending. Be kind when kindness is desperately needed.

    Be honest.

    Be good.

    Be helpful.

    Do the right thing when the right thing is hard to do. You will never regret doing the right thing, but doing the wrong thing may haunt you forever.

     

    My book suggestions on equality and kindness:
       

  • New Year, New Yearly Theme

    New Year, New Yearly Theme

    At the start of each year, I choose a word that I want to define it.

    Last year that word was “Learn.”

    I read 130 books covering dozens of different genres. I read over 50 blogs. I listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts. I spent every spare minute that I had learning. And learn I did.

    It’s a new year so I have chosen a new theme: “work.”

    I haven’t stopped reading entirely, but I have have slowed down dramatically. I’ve also changed the focus of my reading. Instead of reading a variety of books, I am focusing on business and self improvement. Whatever I read needs to provide actionable ideas that I can incorporate into my theme of “work.”

    I like the idea of a theme rather than making resolutions. A theme can wrap around everything you do like a cozy blanket. You can incorporate it into your hobbies, your work, and your vacations.

    Think of what you want your life to look like one year from now and choose a theme that will help you get there. Here are some ideas:

    • Play
    • Give
    • Rest
    • Health
    • Relationships
    • Travel
    • Laugh
    • Calm
    • Simple
    • Music

    I’m sure there are many more words, but those can get you started. Wrapping a theme around your year can give you a wonderful sense of purpose and accomplishment. It’s much easier to make decisions because you constantly ask yourself if they fit within your theme.

    Decide what you want life to look like. Choose your theme. And go live your best life!

     

    Image: Caroline

  • The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The One Thing to Do Before You Pack Up Your Christmas Decorations

    The holiday season is over and decorations are coming down. When we do this, we usually talk about how much fun we had and we reflect on the meaning of our ornaments as we take them off the tree. Special Christmas cards are dated and stored in a box, cookie tins are packed away and the stockings come off the fireplace.

    But we don’t put the stockings away just yet.

    Every year, we sit down at the table with a small piece of paper and write down one thing that we want to achieve by next year and we slip it into each of our stockings. Then we pack up the stockings and store the decorations until next year.

    This one small tradition gives us a reminder that we have one year to turn a dream into a reality. Putting the note in our stocking is providing us with an endpoint.

    Next year, when we pull out the decorations, we will notice that there is something in our stockings and pull out the notes. This gives us a chance to talk about our year and how far we’ve come and shows us that we can make our dreams come true year round.

     

    Image: :Salihan

  • Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    Resolutions Don’t Work, But This Does

    When the clock strikes midnight, a new year begins. It’s an amazing feeling to have a shiny new year laid out in front of you. The year is a clean slate, so it feels as if you can conquer the world.

    And you can. You absolutely can.

    But not with resolutions.

    When you make a resolution, you are making an absolute decision to do or not do something. You are making a vow to be perfect for the next 365 days. There is no room for error with resolutions. You either do it or you don’t. No mistakes allowed.

    Don’t do that to yourself. The world isn’t black or white. It is gray…and red…and electric orange.

    8,760

    That’s how many hours you have this year to work with. Rather than making resolutions, set goals. Rather than vowing to do something, make a plan.

    When you set a goal, you are saying that, by the end of the year you will accomplish something. Some days will be fantastic and some will be awful, but each day you will be making progress toward your goal.

    Goals are about progressGoals leave room for life to happen. If you have a rough week, it’s ok because you can make it up next week. If you are feeling motivated, you can make a big leap.

    Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.

    “Resolutions are about perfection. Goals are about progress.” (tweet this)

     

    In the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, habit two is “start with the end in mind.” First determine where you want to be in one year, then go backwards to determine how to get there. *

    Last year I set a goal of reading 120 books. That was the endpoint. In order to accomplish that, I broke it down into achievable pieces:

    120 books a year = 10 books a month = 2-3 books per week

    Each week, I would make sure that I was reading 2-3 books and my goal was easily met.

    You can achieve anything. You really can. Every day and every hour you are given is a chance to get closer to your dreams.

    Use that time wisely, but don’t live in black and white. Set your goals and then see your life for what it really can be…in all its vivid color!

     

    Image: Susana Fernandez

    * This post contains an Amazon affiliate link. If you click on it, I will receive a small bit of income.

     

     

  • Why I Cry On the Last Day of School

    Why I Cry On the Last Day of School

    You just had your last day of school. I didn’t mean to do it, but I cried.

    I watched you stand up in front of the parents and perform and I was proud, but I didn’t cry.

    I watched you read about what you want to be when you grow up, but I didn’t cry.

    I gave you a hug when you were done and told you how proud I am, and I still didn’t cry.

    Then I went to thank your teacher. And I lost it.

    I thanked her for teaching you so much. I thanked her for her patience. I thanked her for being an extension of our home. I thanked her for seeing the light that shines so brightly in you.

    And I cried.

    Education is such a gift. I remember the first time I heard you read…actually read. I swear I felt the earth move right below me.

    Reading changes everything.

    Once you can read, the entire world rolls up to you like a red carpet. You can learn and travel and discover anything you want to.

    Not everyone is blessed with the gift of education. We’ve talked about Malala and the fight that she is fighting so that girls can be educated.

    These are the thoughts that went through my head as I walked up to your teacher one last time and said…

    “Thank you.”

    Two words.

    They aren’t big enough to show my gratitude.

    They aren’t big enough for all that she does.

    They just aren’t big enough for the person who spends her day giving my child a better future.

    So, yes. I cried on the last day of school and I probably always will. As long as there is a teacher standing in the corner fanning the flames that make my daughter’s dreams shine a little brighter….I will cry.

     

    Image by Elizabeth Albert