Advice for My Daughter

Category: Daily Life

  • Have a Fun Day

    Have a Fun Day

    As I pulled up to the drive-thru window of Starbucks the other day, the employee handed me my drink and said, “Have a fun day!”

    She didn’t say “have a nice day or “have a good day. She changed one small word and lifted my mood instantly.

    We are each given 365 days a year. We can make those days bad days, stressful day, angry days, nice days, restful days, happy days, swipe through social media days, catch up with a friend days, workout days, or productive days.

    We can also make them fun days.

    We spent the day playing games, drawing, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, getting ice cream, and making great memories.

    Would we have done that if she said “have a good day” instead? I don’t know, but flipping the switch and encouraging me to have a fun day worked.

    Make something.

    Turn off your electronics.

    Go somewhere you’ve never been.

    Eat something you’ve never eaten.

    Laugh.

    Dance.

    Stop caring about what other people think.

    Life should be fun, because why not?

    To the Starbucks employee, I say thank you.

    And to you? Please! Go have a fun day!!!

    Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

  • Don’t Focus on the Highlight Reel

    Don’t Focus on the Highlight Reel

    Everyone has a highlight reel. You see it every time you log into Facebook or Instagram.

    It’s the beautiful oceanside vacation. The happy baby and her beautiful mother. The flawless selfie. The winning soccer game.

    It’s called the highlight reel because it only captures the very best moments.

    But there is a lot that goes on that doesn’t make it into the Instagram feed.

    The delayed flight. The lost luggage. The fighting family. The screaming baby at 1am, 2:15am, 3:30am, and 4:15am. The 25 not so perfect selfie’s that were deleted from the camera roll. The frantic parents eating fast food in the car on the way to the third soccer game that weekend.

    None of those are Insta-worthy.

    You don’t see the mess, so you mistakingly believe that it doesn’t exist. But it does.

    Nobody posts pictures of their credit card bills, their defiant teenager or their acne.

    But that’s real life. And it’s ok.

    It’s fun to scroll through and see the wonderful things that are happening in our friends lives. Yes, their vacation was fun, the baby is adorable, your friend is beautiful, and the winning goal at the soccer game was spectacular. It’s all true, but as they say in the courtroom, there is the truth…and there is the whole truth.

    You Instagram feed? Not the whole truth.

    Don’t compare your take 1, take 2 and take 3 to someone else’s perfectly filtered final cut. I promise you, they left a lot on the cutting room floor.

    A LOT.

    Enjoy their highlight reel. Like it, love it, and give them all the support in your comments. Then meet them for lunch and talk about the truth…the whole truth.

    Photo by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

  • Superheroes Wear Yoga Pants

    Superheroes Wear Yoga Pants

    I’d like to tell you a story about a little girl.

    When my daughter was about two years old, we were at Target when she needed to use the restroom. She didn’t know which was the girl’s and which was the boy’s. So I looked at her and said the obvious thing, the women’s restroom is the one with the person wearing the superhero cape. And she has never known it any other way.

    Image: ItWasNeveraDress.com

    I know that all women are superheroes because I happen to have been raised by one. Now I’d like to present evidence that my mother was a superhero, and further that you are a superhero as well.

    Let’s start with the definition of a superhero:

    My mother was not in any comic books, but she definitely has extraordinary and magical powers and I would argue that you do too.

    Let’s take a look at some the powers of the most popular superheroes.

    Spiderman’s skills include web-slinging, wall-crawling, and spider sense.

    It shouldn’t come as any surprise that my mother was not slinging webs or crawling walls (well, she probably WAS crawling the walls at times, but not literally.) And spider sense? The ability to sense that something is wrong before anyone else can tell? I’m pretty sure that most moms have that!

    Superman has flight, super strength, and super speed, such as the ability to chase down a train.

    When my mom was 70 years old, she took a train to visit me in another state. As soon as she got off of the train, she realized that she had forgotten her purse. So she did what any 70 year old would do, she proceeded to chase down the train! That Amtrak came to a screeching halt, she walked on, casually picked up her purse, and received a round of applause from the passengers.

    Take that, Superman!

    While there is a little bit of Spiderman and Superman in each of us, Batman is the superhero that I really want to focus on.

    Why?

    Because Batman doesn’t actually have any super powers. He relies on genius, physical prowess, intimidation and indomitable will to rise to superhero status.

    And this is something that you can do as well. I know you can.

    Take a look around you. Superheroes are everywhere…and many of them are wearing yoga pants.

    It’s possible that you have great genius or physical prowess or intimidation by the mile, but the one thing that I know you have, is an indomitable will.

    I know, because I saw you at the checkout, calming a crying baby while opening up your rewards app, and never forgetting to say thank you to the lovely cashier.

    I know because I saw you do a killer presentation to the entire marketing team after being up all night with your baby with a 103 degree fever.

    I know because you told me that last night you were doing your taxes while cooking dinner, doing laundry, and checking in on homework. Then you put the kids to bed, ordered birthday gifts online, paid bills, and squeezed in a workout.

    I know you are a superhero, because you are unstoppable.

    You don’t even realize that you have powers that not everyone has.

    You may have the ability to listen compassionately where others walk away.

    You may have the ability to get four hours of work done in just one.

    You may have the gift of healing others bodies or minds.

    You may have the gift of patience.

    I don’t know what your gift is, but I do know that you have one. And you are amazing.

    And when we take your gifts, my gifts, and everyone else’s and we all work together, we can make huge change in our families, our communities, our country, and our planet.

    And we can do it all….in our yoga pants.

    The perfect t-shirt to celebrate your inner superhero. Consider it a modern-day cape.

    Available in 8 sizes and 8 colors, because every superhero is unique.

    Click here to shop.

    Photo by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash

  • 936 Weekends

    936 Weekends

    From the moment a baby is born, the countdown begins. You are given the gift of 936 weekends with your child before they turn 18.

    936.

    At first glance, it sounds like a lot. That’s almost 1,000 weekends. Multiply it by two and you have 1,872 weekend days.

    But ask any parent whose child has just moved out, if 936 weekends was enough.

    Did they have their fill of lazy Friday nights, curled up in blankets watching movies in their pj’s?

    Did they achieve the optimal number of Sunday morning talks over breakfast?

    Did they have just the right number of inside jokes exchanged on a Saturday afternoon?

    Did they talk enough, laugh enough, cry enough, share enough, eat enough, hug enough, dream enough, or just exist under the same roof enough in those 936 weekends?

    Probably not. 936 weekends isn’t enough…but it’s the timeline that you are given. So the question is, what are you going to do with the time you’ve been given?

    Will you spend time checking things off your endless to-do list rather than sitting down and talking about what’s going on at school? Will you shuttle them from one activity to another rather than letting them dream and create something of their own? Will you like and share posts online rather than liking and sharing your life with this incredible person who is only here for the blink of an eye?

    Will you argue about what they wear, what they eat, and what they want to be when they grow up for so many weekends that you miss all of the good stuff?

    I hope not. I hope you squeeze as many memories as you can into every one of those days.

    I hope you share secrets and hopes, provide wisdom, listen deeply, give advice when asked and stay silent when they need to do it themselves.

    I hope you dance, sing, take road trips, sit on the front porch, catch fireflies, watch powerful movies, listen to lots of music, visit museums, enjoy meals with friends, stay up too late, hike in the forest, get sand in your shoes, spend quality time with family, make art, take photos, ride roller coasters, eat ice cream, pet dogs, wear flip flops, travel to new places, and enjoy the time together while you have it.

    936 weekends will pass in the blink of an eye. Treasure every minute.

    Photo by Lonely Planet on Unsplash

  • The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    The View from the Hospital Parking Lot

    Last weekend was a little rough for me, so I went for a drive to spend some time alone, listening to music and communing with nature. At the end of my drive, instead of turning left to head towards my house, I took a right to go towards the hospital.

    I parked by the front doors and just watched.

    I watched families walking in to visit their loved ones. I watched adult children walk out from visiting their mom or dad.

    Then I looked at the windows.

    I thought about the frustrations that made me jump into my car for an escape and I realized that I was on the outside of the hospital, looking in. They have no choice but to lie in bed all day watching television or staring at their phones or napping.

    I, however, have my health and a car to take for a drive on a beautiful day. There are no machines preventing me from living life to the fullest.

    So I said a quiet thank you and vowed not to take advantage of my gift of health for one day longer.

    I pulled out of the parking lot with a renewed outlook.

    In the one week since that visit, I have spent time at the botanic gardens, visited an historical village, took my dog on some new adventures, and visited the Clydesdales. I’ve had late night talks with my daughter and lived in the moment.

    So, I ask you…what did you do this week to really live life? Or are you more like the patients in the hospital, lying on the couch binge watching tv?

    I challenge you to get outside and take a bite out of your big, juicy life. Break free from your routines. Find some local events and try something new.

    Make new memories. They are free…and they are forever.

    If you just can’t find it in you, then take a drive to your local hospital and watch the people coming and going…then look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself:

    Am I really living?

    If the answer is no, back out of your parking spot and go live your life bigger.

     

    Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash

     

  • Hooray for the Weird Ones

    Hooray for the Weird Ones

    “You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret: All the best people are.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

    In a world where it’s easy to just fall in line and be like everyone else, I’d like to take a moment to celebrate the weird ones.

    You know who you are.

    I raise a glass:

    To the introverts, the nerds and the oddballs.

    To the mimes, the role-players and the unicycle riders.

    To the middle schoolers who don’t care what the “cool girls” think.

    To the tiny-house dwellers, the minimalists and Star Wars memorabilia collectors.

    I celebrate you.

    I celebrate you when you are doing your own thing confidently or doing it awkwardly.

    Congrats on doing the worm at the school dance. You nailed it.

    I love your vintage bellbottoms.

    Deciding to color your hair purple on your 80th birthday was amazing. You’re beautiful.

    I like your Member’s Only Jacket.

    Did you know that every morning, I drive past your car covered in daisy stickers? It makes me smile.

    So does your yellow house with purple shutters. I’m glad that you did that.

    Thank you to each and every one of you who paints your world in pink, yellow and green instead of beige, gray and white.

    Thank you to the rebels, the weirdos, the dreamers, the freaks, the artists, the misfits, the musicians, the geeks, the writers and the eccentrics. You make the world a wonderland.

    And thank you to my mom, who always allowed me to be one of the weird ones.

    Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

  • Walk Bravely Into This One Wild Life

    Walk Bravely Into This One Wild Life

    You have been given the unique gift of living your one life in any way that you choose.

    You can step gracefully through a palette of gray and beige or you can smother it in golden yellow and french violet.

    It’s your choice.

    My recommendation is to walk bravely into this one wild life.

    Live a big juicy life filled with authenticity and moxi.

    Don’t climb the ladder. Build it.

    When your legs are shaking, go ahead and stand up, even though it’s easier to just stay seated.

    Listen more than you talk. But when you have something to say, say it with confidence.

    Wear red lipstick to Target.

    Color your hair red. Then pink. Then black. Grow it long. Cut it all off. Grow it out again.

    Stay up late writing down crazy ideas, then get up the next day and try one of them out.

    Jump in the car in January and drive south until you see palm trees.

    Eat pancakes for dinner and get cake as an appetizer.

    Be absolutely ridiculous in your twenties. Continue to be somewhat ridiculous for the next 60 years.

    Risk it all by falling head over heels in love.

    Create things.

    Learn how to dance the Electric Slide, Gangnam Style, and the Nae Nae, and when the music comes on…dance…and don’t hold back.

    Laugh. Just laugh.

    And walk bravely into this one wild life.

     

     

    Photo Credit:
    Lyndsey Marie

  • I Don’t Know How Many Days You Have

    I Don’t Know How Many Days You Have

    I’ve lost several friends in the past few years to cancer, ALS and other illnesses. They left my life too soon. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

    Each one of their deaths has shattered me in unexpected ways as I watched them morph from strong, healthy people who loved life into patients who weren’t ready to go yet.

    We each have a timeline, but none of us knows where the endpoint is.

    I hope that you live a very, very long life and become the beautiful old woman that I imagine you to be. But there are no guarantees.

    So my wish for you is that you LIVE your life.

    Live it big, in technicolor, and with your face to the sun.

    Stay up late.

    Give lots of hugs.

    Don’t follow the well worn path.

    Be authentic.

    Eat great chocolate.

    Be kind.

    Create things.

    Be ridiculous.

    Sing in the car, in the shower, and anywhere else that you can.

    Ooze gratitude.

    Be a good human.

    Take the vacation.

    Carve out time for your passions. It’s the real reason that you are here.

    Give your crazy ideas a shot.

    Try new things.

    Read.

    Take risks. Make mistakes. Do better.

    Live every day as if it’s a special occasion…because it is.

    Don’t get caught in the grind of every day life. You weren’t made to be like everyone else. Follow your own path. Listen to your own inner voice. Resist the temptation to take the easy route. Put the work into your passions.

    If you look back on the past five years and you don’t want the next five to look the same, then make a change. Now.

    Write the book. Take the class. Make the call. Face the fear. Take the leap. Do your thing.

    Because we don’t know when the story ends.

    Make it extraordinary.

     

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    Click here to purchase one to hang in your home.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Cover Image credit:
    Cristina Gottardi

  • What Are You Glad There are Thirty Of?

    What Are You Glad There are Thirty Of?

    Every parent knows that one of the best things about kids is that they help you see the world through new eyes.

    As adults, things like clouds, birds or bugs become mundane to us, but they can occupy hours at a time for the curious eyes of children.

    In the car yesterday, my daughter asked me a great question:

    “Mom, what are you glad there are thirty of?”

    I’ve spent a lot of time in my life pondering things, but I’ve never asked myself this question.

    We spent the next 20 minutes trying to come up with as many things as we could that we are glad there are at least 30 of:

    • Types of animals
    • Colors that make our world beautiful
    • People who love other people
    • Kinds of flowers
    • Types of creatures living in the sea
    • Flavors of ice cream
    • Days in the summer
    • Cities to visit
    • Colors of nail polish
    • Kids in school
    • Types of jobs
    • Breeds of dogs
    • People who love me

    This conversation gave us both an appreciation for the variety and differences that benefit our lives.

    What would life be like with only one breed of dog? We wouldn’t experience the joy that both tiny and gigantic dogs bring to our lives.

    What would life be like if everything was beige? There would no green trees or red flowers. It felt depressing to imagine a world without color or with just one color.

    In this short twenty minute conversation, we learned how much we value diversity and surprise. We had a fresh gratitude for the varied experiences that life provides us every day.

    The conversation naturally turned to things that we were GLAD there were not more than 30 of:

    • Spiders in our bed
    • Mean kids in our neighborhood
    • Sick people in our family

    And my favorite:

    Me. She was very, very happy that there is only one person who is just like me. And I’m grateful that there is only one her.

    This one seemingly odd question has prompted us to be more observant of the diversity in our world.

    How many different cities can we visit?

    How many types of bugs and animals are in our yard right now?

    Can we list the different kinds of pets that live in our neighborhood?

    What colors can we see in the sky at noon versus at 6pm?

    When we close our eyes and listen, how many sounds can we hear? What is the closest sound? What is the farthest?

    What is one thing that we can notice on the drive home from school that we’ve never noticed before?

    We have become more aware of the vast variety of gifts the world provides us with, as well those “once in a lifetime” moments and “once in a lifetime” people.

    So, I turn the question to you. What are things that you’re glad that there are at least thirty of?

    Share your feedback in the comments below or on Facebook.

     

  • Vote in Every Election, It’s a Right Many Women Were Denied

    Vote in Every Election, It’s a Right Many Women Were Denied

    Once you turn 18, you will have the opportunity to vote in many elections and the ability to vote for President every four years.

    Vote in every election.

    Learn about the issues and exercise your right to let your opinion be heard.

    When the United States was founded, women didn’t have this fundamental right that we now take for granted. The bold women who came before us fought for 100 years for my voice and your voice to be heard.

    Please don’t ever, ever, ever take that right for granted.

    Read about the issues. Find the candidates that align with your values. Get up early on election day, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to wait in long lines. Then walk in and cast your vote.

    I can’t explain to you the feeling of empowerment that you feel after you cast your ballot. You feel like a part of something so much bigger than you. You feel like you matter. You feel like you did your part (no matter how small) to make our world a little better.

    And when you watch the numbers come in, you will say, “I’m part of that number!”

    Sometimes you will agree with our government and sometimes you won’t, but we are beyond blessed to live in a country where we are granted the right to vote. Don’t ever let that privilege be wasted.