As I pulled up to the drive-thru window of Starbucks the other day, the employee handed me my drink and said, “Have a fun day!”
She didn’t say “have a nice day or “have a good day. She changed one small word and lifted my mood instantly.
We are each given 365 days a year. We can make those days bad days, stressful day, angry days, nice days, restful days, happy days, swipe through social media days, catch up with a friend days, workout days, or productive days.
We can also make them fun days.
We spent the day playing games, drawing, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, getting ice cream, and making great memories.
Would we have done that if she said “have a good day” instead? I don’t know, but flipping the switch and encouraging me to have a fun day worked.
Last week, my family went on a trip to Sedona, Arizona. If you’ve never been there, it’s spectacular. As you drive north from Phoenix, the red rocks pop up on the horizon and demand your attention.
They are breathtaking.
The hotel we stayed at offered spectacular views of Sugarloaf Mountain. I drank them in every morning like coffee and soaked them up every evening like a warm bath. Before we left, I decided that I wanted to take a photo of the view so that I could hang it on my wall at home and always have that view within my reach.
I took a photo. And another. And another. Each time, the image wasn’t even close to what I was seeing with my eyes. I saw red, amber, peach, coral, rust, champagne, fire orange, and scarlet. I felt a depth and power that gave me a sense a calm.
But my picture was flat. It looked brown and dark red. It didn’t inspire me at all. Yes, it captured an image of the mountain, but in real life, it was about a million times more beautiful. No matter how hard I tried, the picture didn’t match the beauty of the mountain.
People are the same.
When my daughter takes a picture of me, I quickly see the 15 extra pounds, the frizzy hair, and a woman that looks older on the outside than I feel on the inside.
But when she looks at the picture, she says “Look how cute you are!”
She is seeing the actual mountain. I am seeing the flat image. She sees ME. I see a cheap knockoff.
As women, it’s common for us to look back at a years worth of photos and see just a handful of photos of us. This could be because we tend to be the ones taking the photos (so we aren’t in them) or it could be because we only want to be photographed at our best.
Whatever the reason, take the picture.
The photo will never reflect how amazing you are. It can’t capture the fire in your spirit, the sound of your laughter, or the depth of your compassion. It’s simply a replica, an imitation. But it’s also a trigger that sparks all the emotions they felt when they took it. They will remember how it felt on that day. The picture is the spark, not the fire.
You will never be able to capture the beauty of the sunset over the ocean, the unbearable tranquility of your child sleeping, the joy of your mother dancing, or the vibrance of a butterfly resting. Pictures can’t do that.
Take them anyway. And allow them to open the door to your memories.
In a world where you can be anything you want, I hope that you realize that whatever you choose to become or whatever the world allows you to become…you are enough.
Society has created benchmarks where we can check in to see how are we are measuring up.
Do you have the right job title? The right jeans size? The right zip code? The right logo on our makeup?
Guess what? You do.
Because you are enough exactly as you are.
Scratch that.
You are amazing.
You are amazing when you chat with your friend until she no longer feels lonely.
You are amazing when your co-worker makes a mistake and you tell them that you’ve done the same thing…more than once.
You are amazing when you cook a three course meal, grilled cheese sandwiches, or order out because you are just so tired.
You are amazing in your stretchy pants that are two sizes bigger than they were last year.
You are amazing when you sing loudly and imperfectly to Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are amazing when you make someone laugh, when they feel like they will never stop crying.
You are amazing when you drink green juice for breakfast, eat Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch, or live on coffee…just coffee.
You are amazing when you break the rules…because life is more fun that way.
You are amazing when you listen, really listen.
You are amazing when you do nerdy things, creative things, or athletic things.
You are amazing because of who you are.
No labels. No measuring sticks. No keeping up with the Kardashians.
Every morning, we are given a brand new set of 24 hours that we can use in whatever way we choose. We can work. We can sleep. We can pay bills. We can clean the house. We can play with our children. We can talk to those we love.
And we can create.
Finding time in your day to create something that didn’t exist previously, allows you to take your world and make it bigger. You have the power to expand the universe…to make it more beautiful, more colorful, and more memorable.
You can use paint, pencil, words or sound to give birth to something beautiful, weird, or wonderful.
And the creation that you make will then do something amazing. It will re-create you. It will turn the weeds of your heart into breathtaking daisies and the dark clouds in your mind into shockingly bright skies.
Art can do that. And it’s been influencing humans for over 40,000 years. It’s what people do to connect ourselves to the earth and to each other.
Find a quiet space or a chaotic space and sink into it. Let the quiet pull the art out or let the noise stir the art inside you. But find the scattered pieces of you and turn them into something tangible.
Turn your spirit into substance.
Draw it. Write it. Photograph it. Paint it. Play it. Build it. Sing it. Dance it. Film it. Act it. Mold it.
Everyone has a highlight reel. You see it every time you log into Facebook or Instagram.
It’s the beautiful oceanside vacation. The happy baby and her beautiful mother. The flawless selfie. The winning soccer game.
It’s called the highlight reel because it only captures the very best moments.
But there is a lot that goes on that doesn’t make it into the Instagram feed.
The delayed flight. The lost luggage. The fighting family. The screaming baby at 1am, 2:15am, 3:30am, and 4:15am. The 25 not so perfect selfie’s that were deleted from the camera roll. The frantic parents eating fast food in the car on the way to the third soccer game that weekend.
None of those are Insta-worthy.
You don’t see the mess, so you mistakingly believe that it doesn’t exist. But it does.
Nobody posts pictures of their credit card bills, their defiant teenager or their acne.
But that’s real life. And it’s ok.
It’s fun to scroll through and see the wonderful things that are happening in our friends lives. Yes, their vacation was fun, the baby is adorable, your friend is beautiful, and the winning goal at the soccer game was spectacular. It’s all true, but as they say in the courtroom, there is the truth…and there is the whole truth.
You Instagram feed? Not the whole truth.
Don’t compare your take 1, take 2 and take 3 to someone else’s perfectly filtered final cut. I promise you, they left a lot on the cutting room floor.
A LOT.
Enjoy their highlight reel. Like it, love it, and give them all the support in your comments. Then meet them for lunch and talk about the truth…the whole truth.
When my daughter was about two years old, we were at Target when she needed to use the restroom. She didn’t know which was the girl’s and which was the boy’s. So I looked at her and said the obvious thing, the women’s restroom is the one with the person wearing the superhero cape. And she has never known it any other way.
I know that all women are superheroes because I happen to have been raised by one. Now I’d like to present evidence that my mother was a superhero, and further that you are a superhero as well.
Let’s start with the definition of a superhero:
My mother was not in any comic books, but she definitely has extraordinary and magical powers and I would argue that you do too.
Let’s take a look at some the powers of the most popular superheroes.
Spiderman’s skills include web-slinging, wall-crawling, and spider sense.
It shouldn’t come as any surprise that my mother was not slinging webs or crawling walls (well, she probably WAS crawling the walls at times, but not literally.) And spider sense? The ability to sense that something is wrong before anyone else can tell? I’m pretty sure that most moms have that!
Superman has flight, super strength, and super speed, such as the ability to chase down a train.
When my mom was 70 years old, she took a train to visit me in another state. As soon as she got off of the train, she realized that she had forgotten her purse. So she did what any 70 year old would do, she proceeded to chase down the train! That Amtrak came to a screeching halt, she walked on, casually picked up her purse, and received a round of applause from the passengers.
Take that, Superman!
While there is a little bit of Spiderman and Superman in each of us, Batman is the superhero that I really want to focus on.
Why?
Because Batman doesn’t actually have any super powers. He relies on genius, physical prowess, intimidation and indomitable will to rise to superhero status.
And this is something that you can do as well. I know you can.
Take a look around you. Superheroes are everywhere…and many of them are wearing yoga pants.
It’s possible that you have great genius or physical prowess or intimidation by the mile, but the one thing that I know you have, is an indomitable will.
I know, because I saw you at the checkout, calming a crying baby while opening up your rewards app, and never forgetting to say thank you to the lovely cashier.
I know because I saw you do a killer presentation to the entire marketing team after being up all night with your baby with a 103 degree fever.
I know because you told me that last night you were doing your taxes while cooking dinner, doing laundry, and checking in on homework. Then you put the kids to bed, ordered birthday gifts online, paid bills, and squeezed in a workout.
I know you are a superhero, because you are unstoppable.
You don’t even realize that you have powers that not everyone has.
You may have the ability to listen compassionately where others walk away.
You may have the ability to get four hours of work done in just one.
You may have the gift of healing others bodies or minds.
You may have the gift of patience.
I don’t know what your gift is, but I do know that you have one. And you are amazing.
And when we take your gifts, my gifts, and everyone else’s and we all work together, we can make huge change in our families, our communities, our country, and our planet.
And we can do it all….in our yoga pants.
The perfect t-shirt to celebrate your inner superhero. Consider it a modern-day cape.
Available in 8 sizes and 8 colors, because every superhero is unique.
From the moment a baby is born, the countdown begins. You are given the gift of 936 weekends with your child before they turn 18.
936.
At first glance, it sounds like a lot. That’s almost 1,000 weekends. Multiply it by two and you have 1,872 weekend days.
But ask any parent whose child has just moved out, if 936 weekends was enough.
Did they have their fill of lazy Friday nights, curled up in blankets watching movies in their pj’s?
Did they achieve the optimal number of Sunday morning talks over breakfast?
Did they have just the right number of inside jokes exchanged on a Saturday afternoon?
Did they talk enough, laugh enough, cry enough, share enough, eat enough, hug enough, dream enough, or just exist under the same roof enough in those 936 weekends?
Probably not. 936 weekends isn’t enough…but it’s the timeline that you are given. So the question is, what are you going to do with the time you’ve been given?
Will you spend time checking things off your endless to-do list rather than sitting down and talking about what’s going on at school? Will you shuttle them from one activity to another rather than letting them dream and create something of their own? Will you like and share posts online rather than liking and sharing your life with this incredible person who is only here for the blink of an eye?
Will you argue about what they wear, what they eat, and what they want to be when they grow up for so many weekends that you miss all of the good stuff?
I hope not. I hope you squeeze as many memories as you can into every one of those days.
I hope you share secrets and hopes, provide wisdom, listen deeply, give advice when asked and stay silent when they need to do it themselves.
I hope you dance, sing, take road trips, sit on the front porch, catch fireflies, watch powerful movies, listen to lots of music, visit museums, enjoy meals with friends, stay up too late, hike in the forest, get sand in your shoes, spend quality time with family, make art, take photos, ride roller coasters, eat ice cream, pet dogs, wear flip flops, travel to new places, and enjoy the time together while you have it.
936 weekends will pass in the blink of an eye. Treasure every minute.
Years ago, news would be presented in 30 minute chunks at 5pm and 10pm. Today it is pumped out 24 hours a day by anyone who has a phone in their pocket. It’s relentless and exhausting.
A quick look at our screen gives us a glimpse into the bad things that celebrities, politicians and fellow citizens are doing. Faced with this torrential onslaught of negativity, it’s easy to descend into the “what is WRONG with people” way of thinking.
But I would argue that most people are good.
How does something break through the noise to become a headline?
It breaks through because it stands out. News is newsworthy specifically because it’s not typical. It’s not normal. It’s outside the realm of what usually happens.
Most planes don’t crash, so a plane crashing is rare and newsworthy.
Most people aren’t corrupt, so corrupt people are shocking.
Most schoolchildren aren’t violent, so violent kids make headlines.
The news focuses on things that don’t happen every day. It’s not a view into humanity as a whole, but rather a view into the most remarkable parts of humanity.
Some people do bad things, but most people are good.
We each have our own unique combination of virtue and vice, but most people try to avoid pain to ourselves and to others. Most of us worry about our parents, our children and our neighbors. We generally follow basic traffic rules, say thank you to people who provide us with services, and want the best for those that we love.
As stated by Psychology Today, “We’re a complicated species–both moral and immoral as our environment and physiology dictate. But, mostly the moral dominates.”
We hold open the elevator door on Monday and quickly push the close button on Tuesday, but most of us aren’t downright evil.
Most people are good.
I encourage you to walk into the world with an open mind and open heart.
Be cautious, but kind.
Approach every encounter knowing that you don’t know the whole story.
Be compassionate.
Offer grace.
Be a better version of you today than you were yesterday…and if you fail…try again tomorrow.
And while you are fighting your own battles, remember that other people are fighting theirs as well. We don’t know what we don’t know.
And as you scroll through your news feed and think to yourself, “What’s WRONG with people?” I encourage you to pause, take a deep breath, and remember all that is RIGHT with people.
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We live in a culture that worships the cult of busy. Somehow, we have been sold the idea that we will be better people, parents or employees if we can flaunt our busyness like a peacock during mating season.
But when you move fast, you miss a lot. We’ve known this was true since the moment it came out of Ferris Bueller’s mouth:
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Don’t Miss It
When you are busy, you are focusing on tomorrow. You are planning which box to check off next. You are driving to the practice, the game, the playoff. You’re thinking about what to do, what to buy, who to call, where to go, how to get there, who to go there with, how it will impact the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And….
STOP
Busyness is the exact opposite of mindfulness. Rather than being present with the child who is directly in front of you wanting to tell you about the funny thing that happened today, you are thinking about how you are going to get this beautiful gift of a child into bed, into math, or into college.
You are trading in the precious moment of now for the demands of some future moment. And the moment vanishes like a shooting star. It was there…then it was gone.
Tomorrow isn’t promised to you. The only moment that matters is this one right here. Your husband wants to talk about his day…this day….the one you are currently in…not some item on your bottomless checklist of to-do’s.
Choosing Slow is Choosing More
When my daughter was little, it would take us 30 minutes to walk into a restaurant we enjoyed going to because she would look at every single rock in their landscaping. Every rock was special and she didn’t want to miss one of them.
Everything is brand new and exciting to kids. They crack open their minds and soak up everything.
Why do they do that?
Because when you choose to walk half as fast, you get to see twice as much.
More rocks.
More flowers.
More sunshine.
More neighbors.
More birds.
It’s the difference between the freeway and the country road. Yes, the freeway will get you from point A to point B, but you won’t see anything in-between but Cracker Barrel billboards.
That’s not living.
How to Slow Down
I encourage you to choose slowness whenever possible.
Take the long way to work.
Go inside the coffee shop rather than going to the drive thru.
Opt out of the corporate ladder and sit in the middle where the view is still good, but the pressure isn’t overwhelming.
Listen when your family wants to talk to you.
Notice how the sky isn’t always blue, but sometimes it’s hot pink or juicy orange.
Lay on the floor and listen to the peaceful sound of your dog breathing.
Slow
Everything
Down
Find things that you can do half as fast so that you can enjoy them twice as much.
They Grow Up So Fast
We are all familiar with parents saying that “they grow up so fast,” but it takes eighteen years for them to grow up. Maybe they don’t grow up fast, but we are moving too fast to notice them becoming adults.
Don’t pass up story time so you can log in a few more hours of work.
Don’t run through the drive through every night when you could cook a simple meal together.
Don’t trade the private moments at home for the over-scheduled activities.
Every night before bed, we all have to answer two questions to make sure that we are putting our lives to good use.
What was the best part of your day?
What did you do today that mattered?
What Was the Best Part of Your Day?
The first question is meant to find the joy in every day…that little nugget of sunshine. It helps us to focus on the positives. Maybe you were sick or maybe your boyfriend broke up with you, but somewhere between the time you woke up and now…something good happened.
On the great days it could be as big as “I got accepted to college” or “Taking first place in the 5K.”
On the rough days it could be as simple as “It didn’t rain” or “My hair looked nice.”
The point of the question is to take a moment every day to appreciate the gifts the day has given us.
But the second question is the power question. It’s about others, not you.
What Did You Today That Mattered?
This question requires us to pause and think about what we did today to make the world a better place for someone else.
There will be times that you will look back on an AMAZING day filled with fun, but you struggle to think of one thing that really mattered.
Other times you will look back on an awful day and realize that even though it wasn’t a fun day, it was a day filled with purpose.
A couple of months ago, I sat next to my mother-in-law’s hospice bed, held her hand and said goodbye. At the end of that day, I didn’t have much to say in regards to the best part of my day, but I spent my day doing something that mattered.
Life isn’t all about the fun parts, the laughter and the cash and prizes. All fun and no meaning doesn’t make for a great life.
I want my daughter to grow up with the understanding that she wasn’t put on this earth just for her own pleasure. She was put here to be a benefit to others, to be kind, to be helpful and to do things that matter.
Hold open doors. Give a friend a hug. Round up your purchase to donate to a cause. Vote. Cook dinner. Water your plants. Compliment someone. Study for a test. Read a book. Listen to a co-worker. Exercise. Call your mom.
Do something that matters. Every day. And remind yourself each night that life is about making a difference in one other life as often as possible.
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